


Pink for Longing, Red for Love

by kanasukii



Category: Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Light Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, mild slow burn, nikki is just nervous okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 43,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24712384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanasukii/pseuds/kanasukii
Summary: Nikki is content to spend his semester alone. He doesn't have any plans for making new friends, and he'd like to keep it that way. So why won't Tommy leave him alone?
Relationships: Tommy Lee/Nikki Sixx
Comments: 83
Kudos: 57





	1. Art Class

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello yes okay some background this is the first fic that i've written and completed for these two idiots (wow) anyway, this fic is completely finished, and new chapters will be uploaded,, every few days (probably)
> 
> anyway, u might be thinking why arent they in a music class and here's my reasoning: a) i honestly didn't think of that and b) I think Nikki is definitely someone who would have taken art in high school, and I thought that Tommy being put in the class without signing up for it (and thus irritating the shit out of Nikki) would make for a better set up or whatever
> 
> as u read this u also might go "isn't nikki mildly ooc??" and to that i will say yes because well i wrote him that way 
> 
> another fun fact: the title is derived from the meaning of camellia flowers which u will see at some point in this fic ;)
> 
> anyway that being said: enjoy

It’s the first day of his senior year, and Nikki finally has art. He’s been trying to get it for three years, but every time the school has had some bullshit reason that he can’t get it. He’s not too pleased that he’s going to be surrounded by freshmen every day, either.

But he finally got art, so.

He walks in, notices there’s no seating chart, says a quick thank you to whatever god there might be, and sits himself at the furthest table. He’s content with keeping to himself all semester until a tall, skinny kid zooms into class just before the bell. He’s slamming himself onto the stool directly across from Nikki, checking over his shoulder to make sure their teacher isn’t staring at him. After she calls roll, the kid looks over at him and smiles. Nikki rolls his eyes and looks away from him.

“Hey! I’m Tommy,” he introduces himself. Nikki ignores him.

“Uh, hello? I know you heard me, man,” Tommy says, waving his hand around. Nikki’s still ignoring him, opting to grab his sketchbook out of his worn backpack.

Nikki wouldn’t exactly describe himself as approachable. He’s perfected the expression of ‘talk to me and I’ll kill you.’ He also figured that based on his general attire of all black and sitting by himself, away from everyone, that it would be enough to tell people to fuck off. He gets the feeling that Tommy has noticed this, and has decided he’s going to sit there and talk to him anyway. Either that, or Tommy is just a dumbass.

He figures if he wants him to shut up, he should at least do him the courtesy of telling him his name. “Nikki Sixx.”

“Cool!” he says, and Nikki figures that would be the end of the conversation. He was wrong.

“I wish I had a cool name. Tommy is good, you know, I like it. But it’s also kind of bland? Kind of like one of those dumb all-american names like Bill or Joe or some shit. Maybe my mom liked it though, because she’s Greek. But I was born in Greece, so that doesn’t even make any sense. Also, I didn’t even sign up for this class but I’m gonna remain optimistic and not change my schedule because-“

Nikki frowns and cuts him off, “Listen man, I’m not here to make friends. If that’s what you’re here for, then you should switch tables.”

Tommy closes his mouth and then nods, “Great. Got it,” and focuses on pulling out his own sketchbook to work on their first assignment.

Their table is silent for a while, except for the sound of pencil against paper, and Nikki looks up. He watches Tommy, notices that he’s left handed. He notices his faint freckles and high cheekbones (honestly, how could you miss them?) and thinks about how soft his hair probably is. Nikki catches himself thinking that Tommy is good-looking. Cute, even. He scowls and looks back down, before Tommy can look up and catch him staring.

 _Focus, dumbass_ , he thinks. _You’re here for art. Nothing else._

\----

It’s the end of the day, and Tommy and his best friend, Heather, are hanging out at his house. She’s currently talking his ear off about a cute boy in her chemistry class. If he’s being honest, he’s not really paying attention. He’s too preoccupied with thinking about Nikki.

Which doesn’t make sense. To him, at least. He just met Nikki this morning, and he’s already set up shop in Tommy’s brain? It’s confusing, to say the least.

“Are you listening?” she snaps his fingers in his face, “Hello?? Earth to Tommy?”

“Oh, my bad. Yes. Uh, continue,” he says, trying to focus on what she’s saying.

“As I was saying, he’s got really nice hair, and he’s super funny,” She continues, listing off everything she’s decided is worthy of what they’ve both deemed ‘Possible Boyfriend Status.’

“Have you like, talked to him?” he interrupts, “Or does he just happen to sit next to you and have a good jawline?”

Heather feigns shock and pushes his shoulder, “Asshole! Shut up, he’s cute. Plus, it’s only the first day. I’ve got all semester. Anyway, what about you? Is there anyone cute in your classes?”

He immediately thinks of Nikki and says, “Uh, there’s a decent guy in my art class, but he’s quiet and doesn’t seem to like me, so. Maybe we’ll get like, a hot exchange student or something.”

Almost as soon as he said it he regretted it, and tried to deflect. It’s not that he doesn’t want Heather to know about him. It’s more along the lines of Tommy knows he’s only going to end up with a crush on someone who doesn’t want anything to do with him.

Her eyebrows raise, and Tommy knows what’s coming. “Tell me about him. I wanna know everything. His classes, his clubs, is he a junior? Is he nice to you? I’ll fight him if he isn’t nice to you. I might be five and a half feet tall but I’ll kick his ass.”

“Oh my god, relax, Heather,” he chuckles, holding his hands up in mock surrender, “I just met him. And, like I said, he doesn’t seem to like me very much.”

“He might be super shy,” Heather offers, “Or really awkward. Maybe he thinks you’re cute and like, doesn’t know that you are in fact, a bisexual disaster.” Tommy groans and holds his head in his hands, wishing she would drop it already.

He feels like banging his head against the wall. “So anyway, my own boy problems aside, continue telling me about your wonderful science boy,” he says, trying to get her to stop talking about Nikki.

She finally takes pity on him and changes the subject, “So, you wanna hear what he said today when she was going over the syllabus?”

Tommy sighs in relief and listens to her, thoughts of Nikki still lingering in the back corner of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont forget to like comment and subscribe


	2. Your Art is Cool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this man tommy does not give up

It’s been a few days, and Tommy has made it his personal goal to have at least one conversation with Nikki this week. One conversation, and that’s it. Today, he’s one of the first people in class, and he’s drumming his fingers on the table as he waits for class to start.

Nikki comes in a few minutes later and sits down, dreading the next hour and a half. This kid just won’t leave him alone, for whatever reason. It’s annoying.

“Hey! You’re back!” Tommy greets him, with what Nikki considers entirely too much enthusiasm. He’s just coming back to class. Why is he so excited?

“Yeah?” Nikki responds, setting his backpack on the next stool and rifling around for his sketchbook. He then mutters, mostly to himself, “Also, where the fuck else would I go? I actually signed up for this class.”

Tommy frowns and asks, “Do you hate me? Because listen, man, I know we’ve only known each other for,” he pauses to check an imaginary watch, “roughly three days, but I’m really getting the vibe you hate my guts. And if we’re being honest, I haven’t done anything to you, except be nice.”

Nikki scoffs and erases part of what he’s working on, “You’re spot on. Just leave me alone, dude. I said I wasn’t here to make friends, remember?”

“I remember. I just, I wanna talk to you at least a little bit,” he pauses to gauge Nikki’s reaction, “I have no friends in here man, have some pity.” As he pleads he notices that Nikki is fixing him with a thousand-yard stare. Tommy stops talking and stares back at him, waiting (and hoping) for some sign of life.

Instead, Nikki simply rolls his eyes and turns back to his sketchbook. Tommy sighs and starts tapping on the table with his pencil to try and occupy himself, taking the occasional glance at the guides for drawing shapes and people. If all else fails, he could just have imaginary conversations with himself.

Their table has been silent for about ten minutes now, and Tommy’s bored out of his mind. He can’t help but peek over at Nikki’s sketchbook and notices that he’s drawing an alien? Holding a skull? Or maybe several skulls. Whatever it is, it’s weird and Tommy likes it. He’s also still determined to talk to Nikki.

“That’s cool,” he says and smacks the eraser end of his pencil onto the paper, startling Nikki.

His head snaps up at the sudden interruption and instead of his usual scowl, he looks surprised. Or at least, a weird mixture of the two. “Huh?”

“Your art. It’s cool,” Tommy says, smiling. “Are you sure you should be in a first level class?”

Nikki can’t help the sudden blush on his cheeks and the small smile on his face, “Oh. Uh, thanks?”

“No problem,” Tommy replies. “Anyway, I got you to smile, and that’s more interaction than yesterday, so I’m gonna consider this a successful class period. Time to pack up and go home.”

Nikki fights back another smile, the word cute popping back into his head before he crams it back into his mental cabinet of ‘things we don’t think about.’ “We still have a whole hour, dumbass,” he mutters. He looks back down and continues drawing.

Tommy smiles proudly to himself, ignoring Nikki’s insult. He busies himself with his own sketchbook. It wasn’t a whole conversation, but Nikki said something other than the equivalent of “fuck off,” so, Tommy’s satisfied with that.

\----

Their week continues with Tommy’s endless attempts to talk to Nikki and Nikki brushing him off. To Nikki’s credit, he’s become less abrasive every day. Tommy can tell he’s getting somewhere, and he informs Vince of such on their walk to homeroom.

“Listen man, we had a whole conversation. A whole week in and we have successfully talked,” Tommy says excitedly. “And I’m not talking like I say, _“Oh hey man that’s cool!”_ and then he says, _“Thanks now shut up and leave me alone._ ” I’m talking like, our teacher was talking about some artist and then he rolled his eyes and told me why that guy was shit at painting. And I didn't even ask!”

Vince smirks, “Maybe he’s just being nice to you so you’ll leave him alone,” He turns into the classroom and Tommy follows, rolling his eyes.

“You could, I dunno, be happy for me,” Tommy shoves Vince’s shoulder. “There’s no one else at our table. What am I supposed to do? Talk to the papier-mâché shoe?”

Vince shrugs and tosses his bag on the ground before sitting down and throwing his feet up on the desk, “I dunno, Tommy. It sounds like he might just not want to be bothered. Also, yes, you should absolutely talk to the shoe. Maybe that’ll get him interested.”

“All I'm trying to do is share my life with you, and you stomp all over it and my precious little heart. I’m hurt, Vinnie,” Tommy says, clutching his chest dramatically.

Vince laughs and says, “Look, if he’s still not interested in like, two weeks, just leave him alone. Don’t waste the energy. Plus, I’m sure there are plenty of other people in that class who you could talk to.”

“No can do,” he replies, “I am determined to be his friend.”

—

“Listen man,” Nikki whispers, leaning over to talk to Mick, “I dunno what I’m gonna do. He keeps fucking talking to me.”

Mick fixes him with a pointed stare and whispers back, “Ignore him, dumbass.”

“I can’t! He’s the only one at my table, he’s annoying, he’s kinda loud, and I dunno, I’m starting to feel kinda bad about being a dick to him.” It’s true, he does feel kind of shitty. Every time he tells Tommy to leave him alone, he makes these ridiculously sad puppy dog eyes. Nikki hates it.

“Is he annoying like in the way that he’s the kid that pisses off the teacher on purpose? Or is he annoying like he just wants to talk to you?”

Nikki shrugs, “Second one, I guess? I don’t know.” He groans, unsure of why he even cares about Tommy and his seemingly endless attempts to befriend Nikki.

Mick stares at him and says, “So if you think he just wants to talk to you, it makes sense that you would kinda feel bad about being a dick.”

“I guess, man. He gives off this like, innocent vibe. Which is stupid, because I know he’s probably not, but maybe it’s just his face. He looks like he’s never done anything wrong in his life. He’s also got stupid fucking puppy dog eyes, it’s the worst,” Nikki says, equal parts responding to Mick and thinking out loud. “And he said he liked my art.”

Mick raises his eyebrows. “Ah.”

“What?”

“You think he’s cute,” Mick says matter-of-factly, “that’s why you feel bad.”

Nikki flushes and glares at him. “I do NOT,” he says and tries to regain his composure, “He could drop off the face of the earth and I wouldn’t give a fuck.”

“Lie.”

He glares at Mick and flips him off, “I’m not lying. I _detest_ him.”

“How are you gonna detest him when you think he’s cute, even though you say he isn’t? I think you should talk to him, see if he’s actually obnoxious or if he just wants to be your friend,” Mick suggests. “And you know, you can be his friend without dating him.”

Nikki sits back in his chair and fidgets with his hoodie strings, “Yeah. Maybe.” He takes a couple minutes to think about Tommy, weighing the pros and cons of talking to him. On one hand, he does seem like a sweetheart. He’s nice, he’s cute, and he likes Nikki’s art. On the other hand, who said that Tommy even liked boys? Nikki thinks that maybe it isn’t even worth the effort, he doesn’t want to get too attached, or more importantly, hurt. Needless to say, he’s conflicted. After all, he’s never needed many friends before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not saying nikki goes home and makes a pro and con list about being friends with tommy but im saying he seems like someone who would


	3. It's Basically Piss in a Can

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i really have nothing to say, amazing

They’re almost a month into class now, the conversations have progressed from six sentences to ten (not like Tommy’s been counting or anything), and Tommy’s proud of himself. He figures that he’s most likely just worn Nikki down, or maybe, _just maybe,_ Nikki is starting to like him a little bit. Tommy knows he likes Nikki, and he’s definitely felt the other boy staring at him when he’s pretending to work.

Today, Tommy has decided he’s going to join Nikki in the art room for lunch.

“Are you fucking joking?” Nikki asks when he sees Tommy walk into the art room with a Monster and a bag of chips. Nikki had decided last week that he didn’t actually hate Tommy, he just doesn’t necessarily have the desire to be friends with him. “Just because I talk to you in class doesn’t mean I want to talk to you during lunch.”

Tommy grins and waves, “Figured you were lonely in here, all by yourself. Also, who said I didn't want to talk to you?”

“If I was lonely, I would have gone to the cafeteria,” Nikki says bluntly.

“And yet,” Tommy pauses and takes a seat on his stool, “Here I am. To annoy you some more. So, whatcha workin’ on?”

“Why are you asking?” Nikki asks, raising an eyebrow. He knows what Tommy wants. He also plans on avoiding any possible semblance of friendship with him. They’re just acquaintances, that’s all. That is, until he remembers what Mick had told him about Tommy. _"Give him a chance. You can be friends without dating someone."_  
  


Tommy cracks open his drink and takes a long drink, holding up his finger. He swallows and says, “‘Cause I’m interested in your art, duh. I think you’re good at it and I’m bored. Turns out, the art room is a lot quieter with just two people in it.”

“I dunno,” Nikki shrugs, flipping his sketchbook around and pushing it towards Tommy, “You’re kinda loud.” Tommy’s eyes widen as he scans the page. Nikki feels the urge to yank it back and tell Tommy to forget about it, but before he can Tommy is looking up at him and grinning.

“Dude. This is fucking sick! Is this like, a goat demon or something?”

Oh. Tommy likes it. Nikki decides he doesn’t have the energy to fight the small smile that finds its way onto his face. “Uh, yeah. It’s Baphomet. He’s just like, a deity from like, the thirteen hundreds. The Knights Templar were accused of worshipping him, lots of medieval drama and shit uh, ensued,” he explains, “I’m still learning about it.”

Tommy nods, listening and quietly marveling at the fact that Nikki not only smiled, but explained what he was drawing. And he didn’t even explain it like Tommy was stupid, he seemed almost excited to be talking about it. Tommy silently counts that as a win in his book.

“So is he satanic? Or is he just a dude?” he asks, and takes another obnoxious sip of his drink.

“Those are disgusting. Also, I’m pretty sure he’s halfway in between. Think it depends on who you ask.”

“Cool, cool,” Tommy says. “Wait, what’s disgusting?”

“The way you drink _and_ the Monster. It’s basically piss in a can,” Nikki says, sliding his sketchbook back to his side. Tommy scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“Shut up. I prefer Red Bull, but the school only sells this, uh,” he lifts the can to read it, “Monster zero bullshit. Also if you want piss in a can, Red Bull is the way to go. I think it’s more like battery acid, but like, to each their own. Monster is a lot more fruity.”

Nikki flips him off and opens his mouth to argue back, but he closes it when the bell rings and people start filtering in.

\----

“I don’t get it. We were talking, it was great. But then the bell rang and he just like, went back to his usual self,” Tommy says, flopping on his bed. “Did I do something wrong?”

Vince shrugs and sits down on the floor next to Tommy’s bed “I don’t know what to tell you, man. I’ve only seen him in passing. But like, he looks like he would cut you if you talked to him, so I would say it’s a miracle he’s even talked to you at all.”

“You have a point.” Tommy sits up to untie his high tops and toss them off to the side. “Baby steps, I guess.”

“Yup. Also, my girlfriend and I are gonna go see a movie Friday night. You’re invited and you should invite him,” Vince says, leaning over to sort through Tommy’s records and pull one out.

Tommy shrugs, leaning back against the wall. “I dunno, he’ll probably say no. Maybe I’ll just ask Heather if she wants to hang out. We don’t have any classes together and I miss her.”

“Nope, not an option,” Vince says, getting up and messing with Tommy’s record player. “You’re gonna invite your goth boyfriend, we’re all gonna have a good time, it will be _wonderful_.”

“Nooooo,” Tommy groans, resting his head against the wall, “And he isn’t goth. Or my boyfriend.”

“Whatever you say. Ask him though, for real. You want to get to know him right?” Vince asks, setting the record on the player.

“Yeah,” Tommy replies, focusing on the posters that decorate his walls, “I guess I did say that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goth bf


	4. I Left My Sketchbook at Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short but u know oh well it be like that sometimes, maybe I’ll be wild and upload 5 as consolation

Tommy spends the rest of the afternoon, night, and even the next morning thinking about how he’s going to ask Nikki to hang out with him.

 _“Hey, remember how you told me you didn’t wanna be friends? Well, too bad, come see a movie with me.”_ or _“Hey, I know you don’t really like me, but you wanna go see a movie while my friend goes down on his girlfriend? It’s gross but like, we can ignore them.”_ Whatever Tommy comes up with is somehow worse than the last and he’s starting to think that maybe he shouldn’t even ask him.

“Uh, you good?” Nikki asks, catching Tommy by surprise.

“Huh? Oh yeah, peachy,” Tommy says, drumming his fingers on the table absentmindedly. Nikki raises an eyebrow and starts rummaging through his bag, presumably looking for his sketchbook.

“Shit!” he hisses and scrubs his hands down his face. He thunks his head down on the table in defeat.

Tommy stops tapping. “Uh, are _you_ okay, dude?”

Nikki groans, but doesn’t lift his head. “I left my fucking sketchbook at home. I wish I was dead.”

“Oh. Well, uh. Hold on,” Tommy says, reaching for his own sketchbook. He has the perfect idea. “Also, I wish you would stay alive,” he adds, a little quieter this time.

“Too bad. I’ve decided to be dead,” Nikki replies, still forehead-to-table.

Tommy rolls his eyes and suppresses a smile. He flips his book to a clean page and scribbles a message. “Hey, Nikki?” he says.

“What?” Nikki still hasn’t picked his head up.

“You can borrow my sketchbook, if you want. I’ll just like, rip a page out. For myself,” Tommy says, pushing his sketchbook towards Nikki’s head. “I don’t even really care about this class, so…” That gets Nikki’s attention. He picks his head up and looks at Tommy’s name in messy capital letters on the cover. He smiles at it, thinking that it seems to be a pretty accurate reflection of Tommy.

“Thanks,” he says. Before he can even open the book, Tommy is asking their teacher if he can “go to the bathroom please and thank you it’s an emergency.” Nikki flips the book open after watching Tommy leave.

On the clean page, Tommy’s left him a message in the same messy scrawl. Or at least, he hopes it’s for him. _“hi this is very weird but i can’t say this out loud because i am: a coward but do you want to go see a movie with me and my friends you can say no sorry if this makes things weird between us.”_

Nikki reads it again. And again. And again. This can’t possibly be for him, Tommy might want to hang out with him in art class, but no way does he want to hang out outside of school.

Tommy’s back a few minutes later, looking somewhat frazzled.

“Is this for me?” Nikki asks bluntly, picking up the sketchbook and turning it around so Tommy can read his own writing. Tommy blushes, opens and closes his mouth, clearly struggling to find words. Before he can speak, Nikki says, “Because if it isn’t that’s fine, but if this is like a joke, or whatever, you can fucking keep your book.”

“It isn’t. A joke. And it isn’t meant for someone else,” Tommy says, his face getting redder. “Look, just, I’m sorry I asked, it’s whatever, we can go back to not talking, it’s fine, I don’t care. Sorry I keep bothering you, just ignore me.” He pulls his phone out of his back pocket and focuses on that, trying to avoid the wave of embarrassment that’s currently crashing over him.

Nikki feels bad, then. Tommy was just trying to be friendly, and he was being defensive and fucked it up. The thing is, he was going to say yes. He wants to hang out with Tommy, especially now that he’s discovered Tommy is less annoying than he originally thought. Suddenly, he has an idea. He flips the book back towards him and takes out his own pencil.

 _“Yeah, I’ll come. What movie?”_ He writes, and slides it towards Tommy. He can tell Tommy’s read it because he’s perked back up again.

“For real? You’ll come?” he asks, hopeful. Nikki nods. “Oh, fuck yes! I’ll tell Vince. Uh, we’re going Friday at five thirty. I don’t actually know exactly what we’re seeing, I know it’s like horror, though, if you’re into that.”

Nikki smiles, “Absolutely. See you then.”

“Well, and in class for the next two days. Unless you’re gonna like, disappear,” Tommy says, twirling his pencil.

“Who knows, might have to,” Nikki shrugs. Tommy laughs, and Nikki thinks he likes it. It suits Tommy, and he’d like to hear it more often.


	5. Playground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gonna wait and upload this tomorrow but then i was like hmm no

He can’t do this. He can’t fucking do this. He’s gonna show up and wait around for Tommy and his dumbass friends to show up, but they won’t because they’re fucking with him. It was a joke the entire time, and Nikki is just the court’s jester.

 _You’re being irrational,_ he thinks. _Tommy wouldn’t do that to you._

But would he? Nikki is so nervous he feels like he’s going to vomit all over his car’s interior. He thunks his head against his steering wheel and groans. It was 4:30 when he walked out of his house, and he’s probably spent about ten minutes sitting here, deciding if he wants to go through with it or not. Another couple minutes and he decides to go, starting his car. At the very least, he’ll pull into the parking lot, wait for ten minutes, no one will show up, and he’ll leave. No big deal.

He might be humiliated and feel like a goddamn fool, but yeah. No big deal.

\---

Tommy’s been in the parking lot for 20 minutes, waiting for Vince to text him that he’s here. He’s tired of sitting around. He decides to get out and lean against his van when someone pulls into the parking spot next to him. He ducks his head down, sees that it’s Nikki, and waves. Nikki unbuckles and gets out, coming around to meet Tommy.

“Hey,” he greets Tommy, leaning against his own car. He’s trying his best to act like he’s not about to freak out and go right back home. So far, he thinks he’s doing alright.

“Hi, Vince isn’t here yet,” Tommy says, waving his phone around in a circle. “But I guess that’s uh, obvious.” He gestures to the empty parking spaces in their general area.

“Oh, well. At least you’re here,” Nikki replies. He’d definitely rather spend the time waiting with someone he knows.

Tommy shrugs, “I guess, but like, Vince is the one who really wanted to see this. I looked it up, the reviews aren’t very promising, and if I’m being real honest, I’m not the biggest fan of- hold on, my phone is ringing.”

“Hey. Huh? What do you mean it won’t start? Just drive her car,” Tommy rolls his eyes, “I don’t think it would take you that long-fucking, fine. Whatever. Nikki’s already here. Yeah, it’s fine. We can just reschedule or something. Yeah, alright, see you Monday.” Tommy jams his phone into the pocket of his letterman.

“So he’s not coming?”

“Yup. He said his car won’t start, but I don’t buy it. Probably just wants to bang his girlfriend.” Tommy says this like it happens all the time, and Nikki raises an eyebrow.

But Nikki’s already out here, and his nervousness has somewhat subsided, so he asks, “So, do you still wanna hang out?”

“Wait, what?” Tommy asks. “You still wanna hang out? I thought I irritated the shit out of you?”

Nikki knows it’s weird of him to ask that. He hasn’t made it easy for Tommy, but then again, why should he? Tommy is just a kid in his art class that he’s gotta put up with for the next few months. And then? He’s out of there and never looking back. At least, that was his plan three weeks ago. Now, he isn’t so sure. At least, not sure about the not-being-friends-with-Tommy part.

He shrugs. “I mean, nothing else to do. You said the movie sucked and you seem pretty desperate to hang out with me, so…” he trails off, and he can tell that Tommy’s trying to decipher whether or not Nikki was teasing him. Eventually he figures it out, because then he’s grinning at Nikki.

“So, where should we go? Oh, I know! There’s a park near my house. We should go there. It’s got swings and also a curly slide that is hands-down the best, but I guess I’m probably too big for it now. Either way, I’m still going down it. Maybe I’ll-”

“I’m aware of what parks have, you know.”

Tommy holds his hands up in mock surrender, “You're right, my bad. How could I forget our local park expert, Mr. Nikki Sixx?”

“I’m gonna kill you and make it look like an accident,” Nikki says, walking around to the driver's door. “You lead, since uh, I don’t know where we’re going.”

“Of course. Oh, just so you know I go ten under, at all times. Precious cargo, after all,” Tommy says, starting the van and rolling down his window. “I’m the precious cargo, just in case you didn’t get that.”

Nikki flips him off, “And _I’m_ going to rear end you. Now shut the hell up and drive.”

Tommy laughs and shouts, “Will do, Park Expert!”

The drive there is short, and Tommy is barely unbuckled before he’s out of his van and running over to the swingset. Before getting on the swings, Tommy motions to Nikki to hurry up. Nikki’s somewhat glad that Vince didn’t show, especially after seeing how excited Tommy is over a playground.

“Dude! I haven’t been here in like, a million years!” Tommy exclaims, situating himself on the swing.

“That long? Really?” Nikki smirks and sits down on the swing next to Tommy. “I thought you were like, twelve.”

Tommy ignores him. He’s soon swinging back and forth at a decent speed, his voice going back and forth as he rambles. Nikki kicks at the mulch lazily, halfway listening to Tommy talk about his childhood. He’s a little surprised with himself. A little under a month ago, he couldn’t stand Tommy and now he’s at a playground with him. Nikki thinks about how quickly his feelings about Tommy changed. Somewhere in this short period of time, Nikki has stopped finding him annoying and started to see what a ball of sunshine Tommy is. Of course, it’s not like Nikki like-likes him. The fact that he even thinks Tommy is a fucking _ball of sunshine_ disgusts him. It’s not like that, and he knows it won’t ever be.

“Hey, are you listening?” Tommy asks, working on slowing down.

Needless to say, Nikki is pulled from his thoughts and opens and closes his mouth. “Uh, no, not really. Sorry. I was thinking.”

“Ooh, about what?” Tommy asks, now focusing on spinning himself in a circle.

“None of your business,” Nikki says and watches Tommy spin, the chains creaking as they twist and untwist. _He’s so cute,_ he thinks.

As the swing slows down, Tommy stomps his feet into the mulch to hold himself still. “And now I’m dizzy. This was a mistake. Anyway, I asked you if you liked playgrounds when you were little.”

Nikki shrugs, fiddling with the zipper on his jacket. “Nah. Well I guess I liked them? We moved around a lot when I was young. Most of the places didn’t even have playgrounds, and then by the time we settled down here, I was,” he makes air quotes, “too old. At least, according to my mom.”

Tommy frowns, and then he smiles. He jumps off his swing and stands in front of Nikki, holding both his hands out.

“What?”

“C’mon. We’re gonna play. On this playground. Like adults.”

“What?”

“You’re never too old to run around and climb on the jungle gym and go down the slide. Let’s go.”

“What?”

“Please stop saying what. Take my hands,” Tommy urges, making a beckoning motion, “You and I are going to play on this playground, and we’re gonna have fun.”

Nikki hesitantly puts his hands in Tommy’s, and feels his face heat up. Tommy’s smiling eagerly down at Nikki. The California sunset is giving Tommy this golden glow that makes him look, if Nikki’s being disgustingly _sappy_ , absolutely heavenly. As Tommy’s pulling him up, he notices how soft Tommy’s hands are. He also notices that Tommy doesn’t let go of his hand until they’re at the playground set.

“Whaddya think the chances of me getting stuck in the curly slide are?” Tommy asks, still holding Nikki’s hand.

“How tall are you?” Nikki asks. He adds, “Also, it sounds like you already know the answer.”

“Uh,” Tommy pauses to think, “Six-four. _Also_ , shut the hell up.” He climbs onto the set and rests his arms on the railing, still smiling at Nikki.

Nikki laughs and leans against a slide, “Then I’m going with seventy five percent. I can’t believe you had to think about how tall you are.”

Tommy grins and flips him off, “First of all, I have three brain cells. Second of all, I’m not gonna get stuck, I’m too skinny. Like a beanpole. My sister says I’ve got chicken legs, but she’s got ‘em, too, so… Anyway, I’m gonna go down this slide successfully, you’re gonna be wrong, and I will see you on the other side, dude.”

Nikki rolls his eyes and smiles as Tommy turns away from him. He makes his way to the slide and throws up a peace sign before disappearing down the yellow tube. Nikki fidgets with his zipper again, not sure if he’s bored or nervous. Probably nervous, and Jesus, when did he start being so anxious all the time?

He knows it’s stupid, but he wants Tommy to hold his hand again.

“Uh, Nikki?”

Oh boy. Nikki feels like he knows what he’s about to hear, and he makes his way to the end of the slide. Unsurprisingly, Tommy isn’t there.

“Hello?” Tommy calls from inside the slide. “Anybody there? Somebody, who shall uh, remain nameless, is stuck in the slide.”

“Really?” Nikki pretends to be shocked, bending down to look for Tommy. He’s met with a pair of Converse. “Who is it? Who’s stuck?”

“Asshole, help me!” Tommy tries to wiggle himself free, to no avail.

“I feel like you should say please, since you know, you just insulted me.” Nikki says, “Also, I’m the only one here.” He should help Tommy, yeah, but he also likes to fuck with him. He’ll just consider it payback for Tommy being super fucking annoying the first week of school.

“Eat dirt,” Tommy retorts and groans. Nikki hears a thunk from inside the slide, figures it's Tommy’s head. “Will you _please_ help me before I injure myself trying to get out? I’m quite fragile, you know.”

Nikki laughs and grabs onto Tommy’s ankles, pulling. It takes a couple minutes and then all of a sudden Nikki is falling backwards onto his ass, and Tommy is basically in his lap. “My hero,” he coos playfully, hugging Nikki’s neck. They’re both laughing now.

“I can’t fucking believe I got stuck,” Tommy says as he calms down.

“Yeah,” Nikki chuckles, “I’m not even sure how you managed that.”

It’s quiet between them for a moment until Nikki speaks again. “Sorry for being a dick.” Tommy looks confused, but before he can say anything, Nikki continues. “Like, sorry for being an asshole about when you asked me to hang out. And for being a dick when all you wanted to do was be nice to me, or be my friend, or whatever.”

He’s trying, he really is. He’s just not the best at apologies.

“It’s okay,” Tommy shrugs it off, seemingly unaffected. “Besides, we’re friends now, right?”

Tommy still hasn’t moved out of his lap and Nikki is struggling to find words, so he settles on just smiling and nodding. In the moment, he’s suddenly aware of how close Tommy’s face is to his, close enough that they could definitely kiss, they would barely have to move, and Nikki decides fuck it and leans forward-

“Um,” Tommy says, suddenly getting up. “It’s getting kinda dark.”

Nikki flushes, and looks down. “Yeah. Yeah, it is. I guess we should, uh, get going then.” Shit. Did he make things awkward? No, he definitely did. He knows it. Great job, Sixx! Now he doesn’t wanna hang out anymore.

They make their way to their cars in silence, and Nikki feels like shit. He knew he should’ve never left his house, he should have just stayed home and watched TV until he fell asleep. Now he gets to stay up all night, worrying and being alone with his thoughts. Wonderful.

“I’ll uh, I’ll see you Monday?” Tommy says, more like a question than a statement. Nikki just nods and gets in his own car. Tommy is pulling out onto the road before Nikki even starts his.

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aww poor nikki (forgot to add but u can find me on tumblr @ halloweencatofficial)


	6. Inevitable Crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> behold: a new chapter
> 
> also all of ur comments are very nice and i'm like :,) as i read them  
> anyway yeehaw hope u all like the new chapter

Nikki pulls into his driveway, barely taking note of the strange car next to his mother’s own car. It’s probably just another one of her hookups. He’ll be gone in the morning. 

He gets out and locks his car before making his way inside. He shuts the front door quietly behind him and tries to make his way upstairs without being bothered. A lamp suddenly turns on and he turns around, only to be faced with his mother. 

What is this, a shitty early 2000’s teen movie?

“Where were you?” she asks, hands on her hips.

Well, there goes his plan. You know, the one where he would avoid his mother, go upstairs, and stare at the ceiling and worry until he passed out? Yeah, that’s out the window.

“I was out,” he says and stares at her blankly, it’s not worth pretending he likes that he’s home. “Don’t act like you care,” he adds.

She sneers at him, crossing her arms. “That didn’t answer my question,  _ Frankie. _ ”

“I went to go see a movie, okay? And now, I’m going upstairs to my room, if that’s alright with you,  _ Deana. _ ” he spits. He doesn’t wait for a response and makes his way upstairs. Nikki is pretty, no definitely, sure that he made things weird with Tommy and he just wants to go upstairs and wallow in self-loathing. 

He closes the door softly behind him. Normally he slams it, but he really doesn’t have the energy for a yelling match tonight. After changing into pajamas, he flops on his bed. He fucking hates it here. Why does she always have to be in his business? It’s not even midnight and she’s jumping down his throat about his whereabouts. Nikki knows deep down that she doesn’t care, it’s just a facade for when her boyfriend of the week is over. She wants to seem like she gives a shit, but it’s so obviously transparent that she doesn’t care.

Speaking of, where is her new boyfriend? Or is there just a new random car in the driveway?

He stares at his ceiling, his thoughts moving to Tommy instead. Tommy, who, a month ago was driving him fucking nuts. Now, he’s developed the inevitable crush. This is what he gets for trying to be nice and give Tommy a chance. Now look at him. Feeling things.

He knows that the sudden weirdness was all his fault, he shouldn’t have leaned in like that. If he really did ruin things between them, he might have to write this down as the shortest friendship he’s ever had. Fuck, man, Tommy probably doesn’t even like boys, and now he’s just going to avoid Nikki.

So what makes Tommy so special to him? Why does Nikki give a shit what Tommy thinks about him? Why does he want to be Tommy’s friend?

Deep down, Nikki knows the answers to all of his questions. Tommy’s special because he’s nice. He obviously cares about Nikki, and he’s just afraid of letting his walls down, afraid of opening up to someone. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be  _ really  _ cared about. Sure he’s got his friends, and they’re decent enough. He’s never had a boyfriend, though.

Nikki’s afraid that he’s going to push Tommy away before they can even be real friends. He feels stupid, he shouldn’t be this upset over a boy he barely knows. He just sighs and hopes Tommy doesn’t hate him now. 

He pulls out a stuffed bear that’s hidden between his pillow and the wall. Nikki turns on his side, the bear tucked in between his arms. He rubs the bear’s ear between his fingers and wishes that he had never said yes to hanging out with Tommy. He’s content to just lay there in self-pity until he falls asleep, and that’s his plan. That is, until his phone goes off.

Nikki sighs, knowing that he could ignore it. It’s probably just an email or an Instagram notification, nothing that really matters. He sits up and grabs his jacket off the floor anyway, searching the pockets for it. There’s a message from an unknown number, and all it says is:  _ “hey” _

He’s confused. Who the hell is texting him?

\----

“C’mon dude, fucking respond,” Tommy whispers in the darkness of his bedroom. He’s sitting cross-legged on his bed, wrapped in a blanket. Currently, he’s staring at his phone, waiting for three little dots to appear. “Maybe I should’ve said who it was,” he says, thinking out loud.

He waits a couple more minutes and finally turns his phone off, tossing it to the side. He feels bad. Nikki leaned in like he was going to kiss him, and he just ran off. He didn’t even really say goodbye, which, yeah, was totally uncool! But can anyone blame him? He freaked out. Things were moving fast all of a sudden and, like, what was he supposed to do?

His phone vibrates on the side table, totally derailing his train of thought. Tommy would be embarrassed to admit how fast he reached for it. (Too fast. The answer is way too fast.) He searches blindly for a hairband on his nightstand as he opens his messages. When he finds it, he pulls his hair up into a loose bun, a few strands falling out. He thinks that he probably looks more like a founding father than anything else, and he almost laughs out loud.

_ “Who is this?” _

_ “It’s me!! Tommy >:^)”  _ he responds quickly, and before Nikki can ask, he adds,  _ “I got ur number from Mick we were in a graphics class forever ago he was really confused when I texted him and anyway hello” _

_ “Oh.” _

That’s it? All he gets is an ‘oh’? Tommy frowns, worrying that maybe he’s upset Nikki in some way. Maybe he’s upset about Tommy’s abrupt exit. Yeah. That’s probably it.

Nikki sends a follow up text about a minute later.  _ “So what’s up?” _

Maybe Nikki isn’t upset? He sends back,  _ “nothing, I just wanted to make sure I didn’t make things weird between us when I said I had to go”  _

Tommy might be an idiot, but he isn’t stupid. He knows what happened tonight. He and Nikki got really close really fast. At least, physically. He would be lying if he said he didn’t want to hold Nikki’s hand or kiss him, or do other dumb couple-y things. On one hand he thinks he might be rushing things, but on the other, Nikki was the one who leaned in tonight.

Unfortunately though, Tommy has no way of knowing Nikki’s preferences, and no way is he going to ask. He couldn’t even muster up the courage to verbally ask Nikki to hang out. How is he going to ask Nikki if he’s into dudes?

Based on what happened tonight, he’s got a pretty solid idea. But, it’s already hard enough trying to be his friend. He doesn’t want to push Nikki away.

His phone vibrates again.  _ “You didn’t.”  _

Tommy sighs and brushes his bangs out of his face, trying to think clearly. On one hand, Nikki says he didn’t make things weird. But also, that’s all he said. And he added a period after, so it seems like he might be mad. Or maybe he’s just someone who’s a fan of punctuation? Tommy shakes his head, trying to stop overthinking. His brain feels like a big blender right now. He’s trying to make sense of too many things at once. 

When Nikki looked at him like that, like he wanted to kiss him, Tommy panicked. Tommy’s known since forever that he swings both ways, it’s never been a big deal. He’s just never kissed a guy before, let alone date one. So like, excuse him for not wanting to rush this and end up fucking it up. 

_ “Ok because I just feel like I did but like I wasn’t trying to be weird or anything the thing is I forgot that l told my mom I would be home by a certain time,”  _ is what Tommy responds with. 

It’s a lie, and he really hopes Nikki buys it.

\----

He doesn’t buy it for a second. Nikki just stares at his screen. Tommy is first of all, the king of run on sentences and secondly, a terrible liar. Nikki knows that this whole weirdness-thing between them is all his fault and Tommy just doesn’t want him to feel bad.

Or maybe Tommy is telling the truth. He’s definitely forgetful, always running to class because he made it halfway to the art room before realizing he left his jacket or notebook in history. Nikki thinks it’s kind of cute. But then again, everything Tommy seems to do is kind of cute.

Nikki realizes he’s left Tommy on read and replies with a quick  _ “Okay, dw about it.” _

_ “ok good because I really liked hanging out tonight” _

That was a fast reply, like, instantaneous. Of course, he thinks he knows Tommy well enough now to know that he's staring at the screen as Nikki types, ready to immediately reply. Nikki sends back,  _ “Me too. Anyway, sorry to disappoint but I’m exhausted. Talk Monday?”  _

_ "Yeah!! But I also might text you 24/7 now since I have ur number so watch out Sixx ;)” _

Nikki smiles and turns off his phone, setting it on his side table. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to Tommy, he does. He really is tired. And he doesn’t entirely believe that Tommy didn’t notice him making a move. Whatever, he can think about it tomorrow. He’s going to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smh they're just two oblivious idiots


	7. Let's Skip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got several comments about The Car and I am here to say: It really is just a car. I think that Nikki has seen so many cars come and go from his house that he doesn't even worry about them anymore, because they're always gone the next day. Sorry to disappoint 😪
> 
> anywhore: enjoy this one it's much happier and also I might be wild and upload 8 tonight because these are some of my favorite chapters that I've written

Nikki wakes up slowly, feeling entirely too rested for it to be Monday morning. He sits up and looks at the clock on his side table.

_8:32 AM_

Shit. Shit. Shit! He’s out of bed faster than even he expected, and he’s throwing open his closet door, grabbing the first shirt and jacket he can find. He picks up the closest pair of jeans, sniffs them, and pulls them on, nearly falling over in the process. Today seems to be an excellent day for slip on shoes, and he’s shortly on his way to school.

Luckily, they’re on transition when he gets there. He parks his car and books it up to the building, trying to blend in in order to avoid suspicion. He makes it to art just in time for the bell to ring as the door shuts behind him.

Tommy turns around, looking hopeful. He grins and waves when he sees Nikki.

“Hey,” he greets Tommy, still embarrassingly out of breath.

“Are you okay?” Tommy whispers while the teacher is giving them their assignment for the day.

Nikki nods in response, trying to focus on breathing like a normal human being, “I woke up late,” he whispers back.

Tommy asks, “Are you for real? You look like you just ran a marathon”

“ _Yes_ ,” Nikki replies, “Now shut the fuck up about it. Maybe I didn’t wanna be late for class. Didn’t you get stuck in a slide, _stringbean_?”

Tommy laughs and flips him off. “I don’t recall. Also, I have a plan.”

“A plan?” he asks, “It’s nine in the morning. On a Monday. What kind of plan could you possibly have?”

“Well, Mr. Sleep-In, Mondays are only bad if you let them be. And of course I have a plan, what the hell else am I supposed to do all weekend? Jack off? Don’t answer that. Anyway, my plan? First, it’s for you and me. Second, you’re gonna come over Friday night, my mom is gonna cook, and we’re gonna hang out again.”

Nikki doesn’t even have to think about his response, “Yeah. Okay, what time?”

“Wait, it’s that easy?” Tommy asks, “Are you sure you’re okay? Like, I don’t have to beg you to come to my house? You haven’t been replaced by an alien?” If he’s being honest, he was definitely expecting to have to beg, given the whole playground thing. But this? This is a much better outcome than he could have expected.

“Yes, my god. I’m _fine_. I will come over to your house and make fun of you with your sister. But that’s it. Bullying, and then I leave,” Nikki says. “After all, we’re friends now.”

It seems as though Tommy’s forgotten about Nikki moving in to kiss him, or maybe he’s just chalked it up to a weird mistake and forgiven him. Either way, Nikki is kind of excited that Tommy wants him to come over. “What time should I be there?” he asks.

Tommy shakes his head, “Nonsense. I’ll pick you up from your house in the morning, and you can come home with me after school. That way, you don’t have to leave your car here all day.”

“Oh,” Nikki says, “Okay. Sounds good to me.”

“So it’s a date?” Tommy asks, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

Nikki doesn’t really know what to say. Is it a date if he’s just going over to Tommy’s house? He decides no and says, “It’s only a date if you take me out. As in, not your house.”

“Right. Well then. Consider it a _pretend_ date,” Tommy says. They pull out their sketchbooks and work together in a comfortable silence. Tommy thinks about how he does want to take Nikki on a date. A real one, of course - he just doesn’t know how to ask.

——

Tuesday.

Nikki manages to wake up on time today, and he’s actually at the school earlier than he would’ve liked. Normally, he’s rolling in just a couple minutes before the bell. Right now, though? It’s still dark outside.

To pat himself on the back for waking up on time, he left his house early to get coffee. The wait was shorter than he expected, and now he’s just waiting in the student parking lot. He’s debating going home and skipping the day entirely when he sees someone he recognizes walking across the parking lot.

He rolls down his window and calls out, “Tommy?”

Tommy whips around and waves, “Nikki! Hey!” He changes direction and makes his way to Nikki’s car. “What’s up, man?” he asks as he leans over to see Nikki’s face better.

“Get in,” Nikki says, gesturing towards the passenger side. Tommy nods and walks around.

“Is this like, a secret meeting? Wait, why are you here so early?” Tommy asks, setting his backpack in the footwell.

“I woke up early and got coffee. Why are you here?” Nikki asks, holding up his cup.

“Band. Sometimes a bunch of us come in early to,” he makes air quotes, “practice. Basically, we just fuck around for an hour before school for fun. The other day, we locked one of my friends in the instrument lockers.”

“Ah,” Nikki raises his eyebrows. “You don’t have to stay in the car if you don’t want to. Sounds like you have important business to attend to.”

Tommy waves his hand, as if he’s shooing off Nikki’s own self-doubt and fears. “Nah, they’re a bunch of idiots anyway.”

“You’re an idiot, too,” Nikki teases.

He rolls his eyes and smiles at Nikki’s playful jab. “Alright dipshit, I see how it is.” He shifts so that he can face Nikki more comfortably. “You know what I really need though?” he asks, more serious this time.

Nikki shakes his head.

“A fucking coffee. _That_ is what I need.”

“Want me to take you? I was just there, and I have,” Nikki checks an imaginary watch, “about twenty minutes to kill.”

“Hell yeah! Let’s go,” Tommy exclaims, drumming out a quick beat on the dashboard before buckling up. Nikki starts the car and backs out of the parking space. He has his hand on the headrest and turns to look out the back window.

“You look very manly,” Tommy says, playing with his hair absentmindedly. Nikki chuckles and starts driving, tucking Tommy’s compliment away in the back of his head.

Thankfully, the Starbucks is close to the school, so the drive isn’t too long. They make what’s quickly becoming their regular banter to pass the time.

“Holy shit,” Nikki mutters. “The line is so fucking _long_.”

“It wasn’t like this when you came?” Tommy asks.

“No way, man. Should we go back?”

Tommy shakes his head, “Nope. I am committed to this coffee. So, I’m gonna squint at that tiny print and act like I don’t know what I want, even though I get the same thing every time. Sound good?”

Nikki nods and pulls out his phone to distract himself. Instead of looking at the menu, Tommy’s checking out Nikki. He’s wearing an army jacket with the sleeves rolled up his elbows. He’s also wearing ripped black jeans and boots. Tommy thinks it’s a really good look. Like, really fucking good.

“You know,” Nikki says, pulling Tommy out of his own head, “this line isn’t fucking moving. We’re gonna be late for first period.”

Tommy shrugs, hoping Nikki didn’t just catch him staring. “So let’s skip. What’s your first? Mine is history, and I have a ninety seven, so I can skip. Also, I think we might have a sub today.”

Nikki considers it, “I have English, we're just reading a book.” He missed first period yesterday. But also, they’re just sitting in silence and reading. So he’s not _really_ missing anything.

“Yeah. Okay. Let’s skip,” he says. Tommy grins and high fives him loudly, earning the attention of several other patrons. They both look around sheepishly, and Tommy gives an awkward wave to the people staring.

Another ten minutes and they finally make it to the register. Tommy orders and they move to the waiting area. Thankfully, it isn’t long before Tommy’s order is fulfilled and in his hands.

“So what now?” Tommy asks, unwrapping his straw and sticking it in the mountain of whipped cream. “What should we do?”

“We could sit in my car and watch the fucking sunrise,” Nikki suggests sarcastically.

Tommy’s eyebrows shoot up and he points directly into Nikki’s face, “Yes. That. I want that, c’mon we have to hurry. Your car is facing the right way, right? Doesn’t matter, I can sit on the trunk.” Tommy’s pulling Nikki out of the Starbucks and towards his car, all the while rambling about the sun and stars. Nikki isn’t listening. He’s just excited to be holding Tommy’s hand again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awww they're holdin hands


	8. Sunrise & Blueberry Pancakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u thought the last chapter was soft,,, get ready for this one
> 
> im kidding lol (maybe ;))
> 
> also I've said it before and I've said it again: all of ur comments are too sweet thank u all sm

They’re sitting on the hood of Nikki’s car. It’s quiet except for the occasional slurping sound that Tommy makes. Nikki’s convinced he’s doing it just to irritate him, but he doesn’t say anything.

“It’s so pretty,” Tommy murmurs, and Nikki would have to agree.

 _You’re pretty_ , he thinks. He wishes he had the guts to say it to Tommy’s face, but instead he settles for looking out at the sunrise. The sun is bathing the sky in pink and purple hues, the clouds above wispy and sparse. The sun’s rays are poking through the remains of the clouds, casting beams of light everywhere.

Nikki doesn’t normally romanticize things that happen every day, like the sun rising or setting. He’s always seen the sun as a great fiery timer, it comes up and goes down, and when it doesn’t anymore, everyone will die. However, Tommy is so enraptured with it that he’s starting to see the beauty of a sunrise for himself. He can’t really believe it’s taken him 18 years to just sit down and look at it.

“We should go to Denny’s,” Tommy says, shaking Nikki out of his thoughts, “I haven’t eaten breakfast and I’ll pay for it. Plus, it’s close.”

Nikki nods, “Okay. Also, I thought coffee counted as breakfast?” he asks, remembering one of Tommy’s statements from a week or two ago. He had asked Tommy why he was so energetic in the mornings, and he attributed it to _“an overpriced coffee for breakfast and an abundance of live laugh love decor.”_

“Ah, no. Iced coffee is only breakfast when you’re at school,” Tommy says, shaking his finger. Nikki chuckles and slides off the hood of his car, Tommy following suit.

\----

“My _god_ , these are fucking incredible,” Tommy mumbles around a mouthful of blueberry pancakes. Nikki smiles at him from across the booth. “Are you sure you don’t want anything? I feel bad.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Nikki waves the offer off, crossing and uncrossing his arms. He’s not really sure what to do with them, so he settles for crossing them. But, that makes him look unapproachable, so he uncrosses them. Now, he looks vulnerable, and he hates that shit, so he crosses them again.

“Are you okay? You keep fidgeting,” Tommy asks, taking another bite of his pancakes.

“What? Yeah, I’m fine. I just don’t have anything to do with my hands,” Nikki says. He’s always fidgeted, usually not enough for people to notice, but now Tommy’s pointed it out and Nikki feels more aware of it than he ever has. He’s also a little embarrassed.

Tommy can sense that Nikki’s uncomfortable, so he changes the subject. “What do you think about going to my house after this? I can go ahead and give you a tour. And before you ask, both my parents are at work.”

“What would we do?” Nikki asks. He doesn’t want to seem too eager, but at the same time, he’s very interested in what Tommy’s room looks like. He’s heard that people’s rooms are a reflection of them, and he wants to see if that proves true for the boy sitting across from him.

“We could play video games, take a nap, set shit on fire, I dunno,” Tommy shrugs.

Nikki raises an eyebrow. “Set things on fire?”

“Yeah!” Tommy nods, “We have like, a fuckton of old magazines and stuff in a pile to be trashed. We also have this old trash can out back that we can use. You know, for lighting things on fire. Well, I don’t think it’s actually a burning can, but whatever. It’ll be fun!”

“Well, fun, yeah. But what if your neighbors see the smoke and call the fire department?” Nikki asks, reaching over to steal some of Tommy’s pancakes. He knows he told Tommy he wasn’t hungry, but that wasn’t entirely true. He’s kind of hungry, but he doesn’t want to be a burden, or whatever. And, Jesus, Tommy wasn’t lying. These are good.

Tommy pushes the plate more towards the middle of the table so that they can share. “I guess. I’d rather my parents not come home to me skipping. They’re kinda serious about me doing well in school.”

“Ah. Well, it’s good to have parents who care,” he offers with a shrug. Nikki wonders what that’s like. Not skipping, no. He’s done that plenty of times. He wants to know what having parents who care about you feels like. As far as he can remember, his mom has never cared much about him doing well. She’s never once been to a parent-teacher conference, or an award ceremony, or anything like that. It’s always been “as long as you aren't failing, everything is fine” with her. But then again, he failed math freshman year and she never said anything, so.

“I mean yeah, I love my parents, dude. They’re super cool and they love and support me, but like, my mom is kinda crazy about me having all A’s. It’s not like she’s gonna kill me if I have a B, which is great. It’s just kind of annoying when they’re breathing down my neck about school.”

Nikki nods along as Tommy talks. He tries not to be jealous, but it’s hard. He guesses it’s just hard to listen to someone complain about having something you so desperately want. He would take that over an alcoholic anyday.

“But anyway!” Tommy says, setting his silverware on the now empty plate. “Enough complaining. I’m ready to go home.”  
“Let’s go, then,” Nikki says, standing up from the table. They pay and they’re soon back in Nikki’s car. Tommy is giving him directions in between talking about some band Nikki hasn’t heard of. Nikki decides then that he likes hearing about Tommy’s interests, and makes a mental note to check out the band when he has free time.

“Well, here we are. Home sweet home,” Tommy says as Nikki parks. It’s a nice house, halfway between a one and two story? Nikki doesn’t know the name of it. It’s very suburban though, that’s for sure. The brick exterior and American flag hanging off the porch are very real-estate-magazine, he thinks. It’s a little boring, but maybe he just thinks that because Tommy’s so not-boring, and how can someone not-boring live in a house like that?

Tommy’s unlocking the front door and showing Nikki through the door. The first thing Nikki notices is all the fucking pictures. They cover the walls, and it feels as though Tommy’s childhood might have just been oddly exposed, from weird halloween costumes to family portraits. Tommy’s already walking down the hall, but one picture catches Nikki’s eye.

“What’s this?” he asks, pointing to it. Tommy turns around and walks back down the hall.

“Oh, dude, gross, ignore it,” he says, pulling on Nikki’s arm to try and get him to move.

Nikki grins, sensing Tommy’s embarrassment, “No, no. I wanna know about the matching sweaters.”

“Seriously, it’s nothing,” Tommy groans, tugging harder. His hand has slipped down to Nikki’s elbow now, but he still doesn’t move. Tommy sighs in defeat. “Me and my sister just had like, matching outfits, okay? But it was only for this photo, and _maybe_ we had them for several family holidays in a row, but it’s disgusting, and I should throw it away.”

“Is it because it’s pink? Is that why you hate it so much? Wait, do you still have the sweater?” Nikki asks, snickering. He points to another photo, one of Tommy’s whole family. “Your mom is hot.”

“Oh my GOD.” Tommy groans. “You’re disgusting!” His fight has been renewed and he’s now using both hands to try and move him. Nikki follows him down the hall and upstairs, laughing the entire time.

Tommy’s room is the second door on the right. When Nikki steps inside, it’s like getting punched in the face with all of Tommy’s interests, and he immediately knows his guess from earlier was right. There’s a drum kit that Tommy drapes his leather jacket over, even though the closet is _right there_. His bed, covered in blankets, is in the corner, pressed up against the wall.

“So, this is my palace. As you can see, it’s very clean and spacious,” Tommy says, kicking a shirt out of the way. He sits on his bed and watches Nikki look around. “Feel free to tell me I have an impeccable taste for interior design.”

Posters litter the walls, and the floor is a semi-disaster. It sort of reminds Nikki of his own room, only Tommy’s is a lot more welcoming. Maybe it’s all the warm colors, or just simply Tommy’s presence. There’s a Rubix cube and an unwound yo-yo on his side table. There’s also a crate of records that makes Nikki wonder if they have a similar music taste.

“It’s certainly,” Nikki pauses, picking up the yo-yo, “you.”

“What’s that mean?” Tommy asks, pulling up his legs to sit more comfortably.

Nikki shrugs, “I mean, it’s like, you walk in, right? And it’s just, you. Like, I would know this is your room, even if you hadn’t told me. Everything you like is in here. And, it’s also a gigantic fucking mess.”

Tommy smiles at him and pats the space on the bed in front of him for Nikki to come sit down. “That’s cool, man. Like, your analogy or whatever. I like it.” He leans against the wall, the posters rustling under his weight. “I’ll just pretend like I didn’t hear you tell me my room was messy, though.”

“It’s simply an observation,” Nikki says as he takes his boots off and sits next to Tommy. He isn’t entirely sure what to do with himself, so he crosses his own legs and focuses more on winding and unwinding the yo-yo.

“So,” Tommy says, “What now? What should we do?”

“How about we talk about our hopes and dreams?” he suggests, sarcasm dripping from his voice. Tommy doesn’t seem to hear it, because he immediately starts talking.

“Well, when I was little I wanted to be like, a pilot, or whatever. But now? I think I wanna make music, like be in a band or something. At the very least I can go to college and do something music-related and make a living teaching it. But if I could do anything I wanted? I would drum for a rock and roll or a metal band. Get super fucking rich, probably do a shit ton of drugs and girls. Guys, too. I don’t care, I’d be rich and famous. I could do whatever I wanted. What about you, Nik?”

Nik? They’ve been friends for like, three days, and Tommy’s already giving him nicknames. Nikki smiles to himself, secretly loving it. Also, wait, Tommy’s into guys? Or is he just saying that because as a rockstar he really _could_ do whatever he wanted and chalk it up to being high? Either way, it sounds a little gay to him.

“Well, T-Bone,” he starts, giving Tommy a nickname of his own. “I think that I would probably get the hell out of here first. I would travel. Maybe to Europe, maybe just to fucking New York, I don’t know. I would eventually come back, obviously. But I think I would wanna be in a band, too. I’d play bass, and probably do a lot of the same shit you talked about,” Nikki shrugs. “I don’t really know though, like, realistically. I’ll probably just find a dead-end job at McDonald’s and work there until I’m seventy-five.”

Tommy frowns and pushes Nikki’s shoulder, “Aww, c’mon. Don’t say that. You’ll find the right thing eventually.”

“I guess. I dunno, I don’t like to think about my future, outside of graduation.”

“Well, we could always start a band,” Tommy offers.

“Yeah,” Nikki sighs, “maybe we could.”

“Or we could sit here and talk about things that are happening now,” Tommy says, trying to lighten the conversation back up. Well, he at least hopes what he’s about to say helps. But, he’s never really been great at thinking before he speaks. He’s more the type to just throw it out there and hope for the best.

“Like what?” Nikki asks.

Tommy shrugs, “Like, how I mentioned fucking guys and you didn’t even say anything.” Oh, oops. Nikki’s face doesn’t really change, and Tommy is about to start panicking.

“Does that bother you?” he asks, desperate for Nikki to answer. “Because if it does, that’s fine, we can ignore it. I’m sorry.”

Nikki shakes his head, “No, it doesn’t bother me at all. I just figured I wasn’t gonna like, mention it. Because it’s your business, and not mine. Also, like, if it was your subtle way of telling me, I wasn’t gonna make a big deal out of it.”

“Oh,” Tommy breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank god. I was convinced you hated me there, for a second,” he laughs nervously.

Nikki isn’t normally brave like this. But, he’s been making a lot of brave decisions lately, at least for him. So what’s one more? “Why would I hate you when I would fuck a guy, too?”

That wasn’t very eloquent. Like, at all. Oh, well. It’s out there now, he can’t take it back.

“Look at us,” Tommy laughs, punching Nikki’s shoulder. “A couple of gays. Well actually, I like both, but that doesn’t really matter.” Nikki smiles, relieved at Tommy’s relaxed reaction and shifts so that he’s facing Tommy. “Oh, can I tell you something?” Tommy asks.

“Yeah?” Nikki says it more like a question. He’s never been a big fan of questions like that, so he’s worried. Just because Tommy’s bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean that Nikki’s got a chance.

“You know the other night in the park?” he asks.

“Yeah?”

“When I was kind of in your lap, you know, because I had gotten stuck in the slide? Well, it felt like we were gonna kiss. And I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I thought that maybe if I kissed you you would’ve flipped out and left me there. I dunno. Sorry.”

Nikki frowns and takes Tommy’s hands in his. “Hey,” he says softly, “I wouldn’t have freaked out if you kissed me. I wouldn’t freak out if you kissed me right now.”

Tommy looks hopeful, but then he says, “I think that I just like holding hands right now. This is nice.”

This is the best Nikki’s felt in a while. He really wanted to kiss Tommy right then, but maybe they should take it slow. So for now, he settles for holding Tommy’s hand and talking. Tommy’s right, this is nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY some progress in this mf relationship


	9. Little Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I guess this really is slow burn huh??? Like now that I'm uploading it and rereading it over and over and over again I'm realizing that everything is moving c r a z y slow
> 
> (also nikki says the f slur in this chapter if ur sensitive to that)
> 
> anyway lmao enjoy!!

“Today’s the day!” Tommy sing-songs as Nikki gets in his van.

Nikki smiles, setting his backpack in the spacious footwell. “It sure is,” he says as he pulls out a grocery bag.

“What’s in the bag?” Tommy asks, pulling out of the driveway and onto the street. He reaches a hand over into Nikki’s space, trying to find out for himself.

Nikki smacks his hand away and glares at him. “If you’ll give me a fucking minute, I’ll show you,” he says. He opens the bag and produces a Red Bull. Tommy’s face lights up as Nikki sets it in Tommy’s cup holder

“Oh, fuck yes,” he says, cracking it open once they’re stopped. “Thanks, Nik. You’re the best.”

He shrugs and pulls out his own drink, a bottle of Dr. Pepper. “No problem, I woke up early today and was pissed about it, so I went to a convenient store near my house before you came and picked me up. I’ve woken up early twice this week. Honestly, it’s been the worst week of my life.”

“Man, shut up, tonight’s gonna be great. My mom can’t wait to meet you. My dad’s kind of indifferent, but like, he’s cool,” Tommy says, drumming his hands on the steering wheel.

“Oh, you mean your hot mom is excited to see _moi_?” Nikki asks, putting his hand on his chest.

Tommy groans, but keeps his eyes on the road. “I’m gonna wreck the fucking car. I’ll do it, I swear to god.” Nikki laughs and recaps his drink, putting it in the side pocket of his backpack.

“Listen, I can’t promise I won’t make a move on her, so, you better watch out,” he says with a shrugs.

“Wait,” Tommy says and turns to him as the light turns red. “Aren’t you gay?”

“Yes, we’ve been over this. What about it?” Nikki asks, crossing his arms.

“So you’re telling me, that you, a gay man, are going to bang my mom? Is that right?”

Nikki nods. “Correct. I’m going to make an exception for your mom.”

“I hate you. _Please_ do not flirt with my mom tonight. I'm begging you, Nikki. Begging!” Tommy whines as he pulls into the parking lot. Nikki holds his hands up in surrender and smiles. “That’s not even how being gay works,” he mutters, shaking his head.

“I promise I won’t,” he says, getting out of the car. “Unless she’s way hotter in person, then I might have to go back on my promise.”

Tommy just groans and pushes Nikki away from him. Nikki laughs and comes right back, this time taking Tommy’s hand and linking it with his own.

Holding hands has become a thing for them over the past couple of days. They aren’t making a big deal out of it, it’s just become something they do now. Tommy has started holding Nikki’s hand when he fidgets, or when they meet up in the hallway to walk to class. Nikki originally said no to holding hands in the hallway, but Tommy made a point that because there’s so many kids, it isn’t like anyone would notice. So, they come to the decision that they should, in fact, hold hands in the hallway. It’s a little secret, just for them, and Nikki likes it that way.

“Alright well, I gotta go to class,” Tommy says as they approach the history hall.

“Okay,” Nikki says, squeezing Tommy’s hand in a silent goodbye. “See you in art.”

\----

Nikki’s one of the first ones out of class as soon as the bell rings. He’s walking towards their meeting spot - the elevator, and sees Tommy. Tommy waves at him, and Nikki sees that he’s pulled his hair up into a bun.

“Hey,” he says quietly, grabbing Tommy’s hand. He was in a great mood when he walked into class an hour and a half ago, but now? Not so much.

“You okay?” Tommy asks as they start walking.

“I’ll tell you when we get to class?” he says, hoping Tommy is okay with that. “I like your hair like that,” he adds.

“Aww, you’re too sweet. I put it up because it was getting in my face and coincidentally, getting on my fucking nerves. Anyway, that’s fine, we can talk about it later.”

The walk is quick today, most of the students seem to be in class already. This makes Nikki a little nervous, already feeling a little exposed. He squeezes Tommy’s hand and Tommy looks down at him with worried eyes. Thankfully the art room is close, and Nikki releases Tommy’s hand right before they walk in.

“So?” Tommy prods as soon as they’re sitting.

Nikki sighs, resting his chin in his hands, “Basically, we were having a class discussion on the book we’re reading.” Tommy nods, unsure of where this is going. “And anyway, there’s this gay character, which you would think it isn’t a problem, right? Right. Well, anyway, like him being gay isn’t a huge secret or anything, and so now he has a boyfriend, and anyway I’m rambling. Basically some annoying ass band kids said, sorry, I know you’re a band kid.”

“It’s okay, I hate band kids, too,” Tommy says, offering him a small smile. “So what did they do?”

“They just like, had a cow, man. They were talking about how weird it was that there was a gay character. Also, they were saying that having gay characters is stupid and just the author’s way of being ‘politically correct.’ Of course, they didn’t say it like that. It was more like _“Why is there a fag in this book? That shit is gross,”_ so, that sucks. I mean, you know gay people exist in real life, right?” He’s talking with his hands now, clearly worked up.

Tommy frowns, upset. “Did you say anything to them?” he asks.

He shrugs. “I mean, obviously I wasn’t happy about it. But, I didn’t say anything,” he admits. “I don’t wanna accidentally out myself to a bunch of homophobes. If they’re gonna throw around the word ‘fag’ in front of the teacher, what would they do if they found out a living, breathing gay sat two rows behind them? I’m not trying to like, get beat up behind the school.” Nikki hopes Tommy doesn’t think he’s a coward. He really just wants to avoid any kind of possible altercation with them at all costs.

Tommy nods, looking sympathetic. “Ah. I get that. The only people who know about me liking guys are Vince and Heather, and a couple other close friends. You would think people would be a little more tolerant since it isn’t the fucking 1950’s anymore, huh?” Tommy says, reaching across the table for Nikki’s hand.

Nikki puts his hands in his lap. “Sorry,” he murmurs, “Not right now, I’m sorry.”

Tommy nods and pulls his own hand back, understanding, “It’s okay. Just think about it though, we’re roughly five hours away from hanging out. Speaking of which, you’re spending the night, right?”

“Only if you want.” That seemed to make Nikki perk up a little bit. “We’ll have to swing by my house so I can grab stuff, if that’s alright?”

“Of course, no worries. We don’t eat until like, six-thirty.” Nikki smiles and nods.

They make idle chat for the rest of class until the bell rings. Before Nikki leaves, Tommy tells him “I hope your day gets better. See you at 2:30.” He spends the rest of the school day in a better mood, more excited for tonight with each passing hour.

\----

_2:45PM_

“Alright, Nikki, which way to your house?” Tommy asks as they’re close to the lot exit.

“Left,” he says, in the process of creating a mental checklist of everything he needs. He continues giving Tommy directions until they’re at his house. He feels ashamed suddenly, it’s small in comparison to Tommy’s, and it’s definitely not as nice.

“Want me to come in with you?” Tommy asks as Nikki unbuckles.

Nikki is pretty sure his mom isn’t home, he doesn’t really care enough to check. “Sure. It’ll be quick.” Tommy nods and unbuckles himself, getting out.

To no surprise, the door isn’t even locked. He opens it and listens for any sound of people. Honestly, it’s a wonder they haven’t been robbed. Luckily, it’s just quiet.

“My room is upstairs,” Nikki says, motioning for Tommy to follow. He doesn’t want Tommy to take too hard of a look around, it’s messy and unkempt. It’s not even just his room that’s messy, it’s the whole house. He’s just a lot more aware of it now that someone new is here.

“And I thought I had a lot of posters,” Tommy laughs as he steps into Nikki’s room. Nikki rolls his eyes and smiles, dumping his backpack out on his bed. He walks around, grabbing pajamas and clothes for the next day, as well as his sketchbook and a hairbrush.

“I’ll be right back,” he says, “Gonna grab my toothbrush.” He gestures vaguely to the bathroom and Tommy nods. Tommy shifts from foot to foot awkwardly, looking around Nikki’s room. There’s a bass guitar propped up on the wall, and his bed is an absolute disaster. A lump on the bed catches Tommy’s eye. Does Nikki have a small dog? Or a cat? He goes to move the blanket and is met with a teddy bear.

He can’t help but coo at the bear, “Awww.” It’s surprising to him that Nikki, who seems to be all hard edges and attitude, would have a little stuffed bear. He picks it up and studies it, notices the ears are a little thin in the middle. He smiles to himself.

“Alright, I’m ready, we can go now,” Nikki says, zipping up his bag. Tommy didn’t even hear him reenter the room, and turns to face him.

“This is cute,” Tommy says, holding up the bear. Nikki sees it and blushes. He feels really defensive all of a sudden, worrying that Tommy is going to question or make fun of him.

“It’s just a bear,” he says, trying to play it cool. “Just fucking put it down so we can go.” He turns to leave the room, hoping Tommy will drop it.

“Aw, what’s wrong?” Tommy asks, standing up. As he turns around, he notices Tommy still holding the bear, much to his own chagrin. “I think he’s cute. And I think he should come with us, maybe he wants to visit my house, too. C’mon, Nik. Consider his _feelings_!”

Nikki doesn’t know what he was so worried about then. If Tommy was cool with him being gay, why would he make fun of him for having a bear? He thinks that maybe he shouldn’t be so defensive all the time. “Yeah, okay. He can come,” he says, swinging his backpack onto his back.

They make their way downstairs, only to be greeted by Nikki’s mom coming in.

“Fuck,” he whispers, barely loud enough to hear himself. How did he not hear her car?

Oh, right. He and Tommy were having a pretend argument about a stuffed animal. Well, it started off as a real argument but eventually dropped to a playful one. Was it ever really an argument? Actually, it doesn’t matter because Nikki’s mom is staring at him and Tommy and he’s frozen on the stairs.

“Aww, Frankie! You didn’t tell me we were going to have company over,” she says, dropping her purse in the nearby armchair and holding out her arms like she’s going to hug Nikki. He doesn’t move from his spot on the stairs, praying to whatever god there is that Tommy doesn’t say anything.

“I’m actually, uh, going over to Tommy’s house,” he says, watching her carefully. Tommy might not be able to pick up on it, but Nikki knows that she isn’t pleased.

“You didn’t ask me,” she says, putting her hands on her hips. “How long are you staying?”

Nikki sighs and decides to walk towards the front door, “Just the night,” he says. He grabs the doorknob, but Deana’s hand is quickly on his and he resists the urge to yank his own hand back.

“But Frankie, dear, you didn’t ask,” Deana says. She might sound sweet to other people, but her voice is dripping with well-disguised spite.

“Listen, I’ll be back in the morning. Don’t fucking worry about it,” he argues and twists the knob.

He can tell she’s decided that they can “talk” about it later, well, either that or she’s given up, because she lets go of him. “Fine, do what you want. Leave, don’t come back. I don’t care.”

Nikki knows better than to continue arguing and opens the door, Tommy following closely behind him. They don’t speak until they’re out on the road. Tommy figures it’s not wise to bring up what just happened, so he tries to distract Nikki by telling him about a kid falling in band class today. Nikki’s not really responding, and Tommy glances at him when they’re at a stop sign. Nikki’s just staring out the window and rubbing the bear’s ear between his thumb and forefinger.

He realizes suddenly why they’re so thin in the middle. He hopes Nikki is okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe i'll be wild and upload 10 tonight as a treat 😌


	10. You Need a Hug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter ended up being 9 pages long ??? w h a t
> 
> also I love reading all ur comments tbh it's the highlight of my morning

“Well, here we are,” Tommy says, pulling into the driveway. “But I, uh, I guess you knew that.”

Nikki just nods, grabbing his bag and getting out of the car. Before he can walk much further, Tommy has seemingly teleported in front of him. He’s holding his hands out in an attempt to try and get Nikki to stop.

“Look, we don’t have to do this. If you don’t want to. Like, talk to my parents or anything. We can just go straight to my room and hang out. We don’t have to go down and eat dinner or whatever,” Tommy rambles nervously. He knows it sounds like he doesn’t want Nikki there, but he’s just worried about Nikki, that’s all.

Nikki sighs and holds the bear a little tighter. “I’m sorry Tommy. I do want to do this, I want to hang out and meet your parents and everything. My mom just puts me in a really bad mood, and I feel like I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster all day. Sorry if I’m taking it out on you, or something.”

Tommy’s standing across from him and he holds out his hand. “That’s totally fine, man. I get it. Parents can be a drag sometimes.”

Nikki relaxes a little, thankful that Tommy is so understanding and patient with him. He takes Tommy’s hand and they walk into the house. A small smile graces Nikki’s face when he sees the matching sweater photo. It makes him feel a little better.

“I’m home!” Tommy calls out. He doesn’t get a response. “Athena’s probably upstairs. Or dead, who knows.” He shrugs nonchalantly and continues on his way.

Nikki nods, following Tommy upstairs.

Tommy tosses his backpack on the floor next to his dresser. Nikki feels weird about just throwing his things down, so he sets his backpack down gently in front of Tommy’s drum set.

“I fucking _love_ my bed,” Tommy groans as he flops down onto it. Nikki sits on the floor next to the bed, unsure of what to do. He doesn’t really go over to people’s houses. Well, there’s the exception of Mick. But to be fair, he doesn’t want to kiss Mick, so it’s a little different. Or maybe a lot different.

Yeah. A lot different.

“What are you doing down there?” Tommy asks, sitting back up.

“I’m on the floor?” Nikki says it like it’s a question. “You’re kind of like, taking up your whole bed.”

Tommy shakes his head, “Unacceptable. It is currently nap time, and you absolutely cannot take a nap on the floor. Come join me, Nikki.” He holds his hand out dramatically like he’s in a movie, locking eyes with Nikki. “It’s the _law_.”

“The law, huh?” Nikki asks, an equal mix of playful and skeptical.

“Uh, yeah?” Tommy props himself up on his elbows. “C’mon, Nikki, I thought you knew. It’s all laid out in the manual.”

Nikki raises his eyebrows and makes a little “Ah” face, moving so that he’s on the bed with Tommy. Tommy has scooted over so that his back is pressed against the wall, and somehow between walking in and laying down, he’s acquired Nikki’s bear.

“Is it in the manual that you’re allowed to steal my stuff?” he asks, pointing at the stuffed animal.

Tommy waves it around in between them. “Duh. Gotta read the terms and conditions, hottie.”

“You can keep it,” Nikki says suddenly, “the bear. If you want.” He’s a little taken aback by Tommy’s compliment, but he figured he’ll overthink about it later. Finally, he lays down and faces Tommy, feeling kind of weird about it.

“I would feel bad, though. He’s yours,” Tommy says. He yawns and tucks a hand under his head.

Nikki shrugs as best he can, given that he’s currently on his side. “It’s just a stuffed animal,” he says, “If you have him, it’s like I’m around all the time. And you can tell _him_ about your dumb band drama instead of me.”

Tommy chuckles, “I guess you do have a point. But I like talking to you about my dumb band drama, so maybe I’ll have to go back and forth between you guys. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to be a terrible host and take a nap because I am exhausted.”

Nikki nods and reaches around behind himself, grabbing his phone off the carpet, scrolling through it absentmindedly. It’s only a few minutes before Tommy is asleep and snoring softly, clutching the bear. He looks so soft and peaceful, and Nikki is resisting the urge to take a picture.

He is _not_ going to take a creep shot of the boy he has a crush on. No, no, no. Absolutely not.

It’s kind of funny to him that he and Tommy are friends now. He thinks that maybe things are moving kind of fast between them. On one hand, the pool is small - almost nonexistent, especially for someone who isn’t out. And, they seem to have a decent amount in common. On the other hand, what if he and Tommy do end up together, but it turns out they aren’t compatible at all? What if Tommy’s just leading him on, only to humiliate him in front of the entire school?

Well, maybe not the entire school, but Nikki’s always been a bit of an overthinker.

He knows this, and he knows he’s just going to make himself upset if he keeps thinking like that. He’s got to stop letting his insecurities take over any shred of happiness he might have. So, he tries to focus on the positives in his life. Tommy is definitely one of them.

He’s so caught up in his thoughts that he eventually falls asleep.

——

6:00 PM

Nikki is jolted awake by a fierce knocking at the door.

“Tommy! Mom said to come downstairs!” the voice belongs to a girl, and Nikki assumes it’s Athena. He hears stomping, which he assumes is her running down the stairs.

After recovering from his mini-heart attack, he shakes Tommy’s shoulder gently. “Hey, T-Bone. Wake up,” he whispers.

Tommy just grumbles and holds the bear tighter, clearly not wanting to get up. “Tell Athena to fuck off,” he mumbles. “I’m sleeping.”

“You know I can’t do that,” Nikki says, sitting up and stretching. He’s already up and off the bed before Tommy even opens his eyes. “Tommy, seriously. I thought you wanted me to meet your mom?”

“Oh shit,” Tommy says, sitting up suddenly. “What fucking time is it?”

Nikki checks his phone and then places it on the side table, “About six. Your sister said to come downstairs.”

“We really slept all afternoon, huh? We're basically old men, now,” Tommy says and gets up, grabbing a hoodie out of his closet and pulling it on. “Not a bad way to spend an afternoon, if you ask me. We should probably go down, though.” He makes a quick stop at his mirror to fix his hair before going downstairs.

He just woke up, and yet - he has so much energy. _He truly is an enigma,_ Nikki thinks.

He follows Tommy downstairs, picking at his cuticles as he shows Nikki to the kitchen.

“Hey, Mom! Sorry I didn’t come downstairs when you got home. We uh, we fell asleep,” Tommy explains. He hugs his mom and then points to Nikki.

Before Tommy has the chance to introduce him, she’s hugging Nikki. “Oh, you must be Nikki!” she exclaims. “How are you? Tommy’s told us a lot about you.” She pulls back and holds him by his shoulders. He's definitely a little embarrassed to admit how nice her hug felt.

“Uh, I’m good. Yeah, I’m good,” he says. “Sorry. I’m bad at like, first meetings. Or whatever. Sorry.”

She squeezes his cheek and smiles, “Don’t worry about it! Please, sit, dinner’s almost ready.”

Tommy’s already sitting when Nikki moves to the table. “I think my mom likes you,” he murmurs.

“Yeah?” Nikki asks, sitting on his hands. He’s really trying not to fidget with his silverware while talking to Tommy’s parents. He doesn’t want them to think he’s a weirdo, or whatever.

“Yup,” Tommy smiles. Athena sits down soon after, followed by Tommy’s parents.

“So, Nikki, right?” Tommy’s dad starts, and he nods that Nikki is indeed his name. “What are you into? Same kind of stuff as Tommy?” he asks.

Well, that’s not too bad. Nikki’s got at least two interests he can talk about. “I uh, I’m into art. Tommy and I actually have art together, second period. I like music, too. I play bass.”

“Bass, huh?” he asks. “Say, what kind of music are you into?”

“Rock, metal, stuff like that,” Nikki says. Tommy’s dad nods, and the conversation shifts to school, Athena’s dance classes, and other things that Nikki guesses families talk about at the dinner table. He feels somewhat out of place, and he’s not a fan of how nervous that makes him feel.

He slides his left hand down and off the table, tapping Tommy’s thigh. Tommy’s hand is quick to find Nikki’s. His hand is a gentle reminder that he’s okay, and Nikki is appreciative of it. He’s able to chime in when he needs to, and the rest of dinner goes smoothly.

As they’re getting up from the table, Tommy asks his mom if she needs any help. She says no, tells Tommy he doesn’t have to help when he’s got a friend over, and shoos them off. They head back upstairs and Tommy shuts his bedroom door behind him.

“So, my mom definitely likes you,” Tommy says, sitting back on his bed.

“Really?” Nikki asks.

“Yup. While you were putting your dishes away she told me that she thinks you’re sweet. And she thinks you need to be hugged more often.”

“What?” Nikki laughs nervously, not really sure what that means. He really hopes it wasn’t that obvious that he needed a hug.

“I dunno, but like, moms are supposed to be all-knowing, right? Well, your mom sucks, but she’s an outlier I guess. Why am I talking about her? She sucks. You hate her. Sorry,” he takes a breath, trying to get back on track. “Basically, what I’m saying is that we should hug,” he says, very matter-of-fact.

Nikki smiles. “Is that so?”

“Yes, now let me hug you,” Tommy says and holds his arms out. They’re both sitting, so it’s kind of awkward, but Nikki leans into him, letting Tommy wrap his arms around him. Nikki relaxes in his arms, resting his head on Tommy’s shoulder. He smells like old spice and cinnamon. They stay like that for a good while, until Nikki speaks.

“I like your mom,” he says.

“Me too,” Tommy replies, “She’s super cool, isn’t she? The best mom ever, in my opinion.”

Nikki nods as best he can, not wanting to move too much, for fear of Tommy thinking he doesn’t want to hug anymore.

“Can I ask you a question?” Tommy asks. He feels Nikki stiffen in his arms. “It’s nothing bad, I promise. And you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” He feels Nikki relax a little bit, but he’s still somewhat tense.

“Yeah?” Nikki answers hesitantly.

“Earlier,” Tommy clears his throat, “your mom. She uh, she called you Frankie?”

Nikki sits up a little bit to face Tommy better. They break their embrace and Nikki leans against the wall. “Yeah. It’s my old name. I changed my name as soon as I could, but she refuses to call me Nikki. But it’s whatever. I mostly just try to ignore her.”

“Um. What was your old name?” Tommy asks, worried that he might be overstepping his bounds. “Like, besides Frankie, ‘cause it’s just a nickname. If you don’t mind me asking. You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.”

“Don’t worry about it. It was absolutely fucking _terrible_ ,” Nikki chuckles, “My dad named me after himself. Frank Carlton Feranna, Junior. Of course he named me after himself, fucking douche.”

“Can I laugh at that?” Tommy asks, trying not to snicker and failing.

Nikki smiles at him, “Yeah, go ahead. What’s he gonna do? Beat us up? He left when I was like, two, so I really think that would be a miracle.” Tommy’s laughing ceases, his happy expression replaced with a look of concern.

“I can’t believe your dad left you. That’s fucked up, man.”

He shrugs. “I mean, yeah, it blows. But I try not to think about it. I think it fucked my mom up more than me, but she’s her own disaster. It isn’t my fault that she just tries to replace him with guys from the bar.” Nikki has never really opened up like this before. But something in his gut tells him that he can trust Tommy, though. “If I’m being honest, I don’t know how much different things would be if he did stick around. Maybe my mom would be cooler, like we wouldn’t fight as much. But I dunno. She’s just a useless drunk now, and all she does is piss me off. Back to my dad, though. I guess what I was trying to say is if you’re gonna abandon your kid, would you even be much better if you did decide to stick around?”

Tommy doesn’t say anything in response, he just hugs Nikki again. It’s much shorter this time, but Nikki still loves the feeling.

“So, T-Bone. What are your big secrets?” he asks, making jazz hands to put emphasis on ‘big secrets.’ He’s also trying to move away from this incredibly depressing subject, but can anyone blame him?

“Oh, uh. I dunno, really. My parents are cool, and Athena and I get along. So like, no big family secrets or anything.”

Nikki raises an eyebrow. “C’mon, there’s gotta be something wrong with you. Even if you just stole like, a pen from a store when you were five. I told you all about my fucked up family, so spill,” he pokes Tommy’s shoulder repeatedly until Tommy gives in.

He sighs. “Okay, so like, it’s super stupid. And you can’t laugh at me. Because it’s dumb,” he says, eyes wide.

“Pinkie promise,” Nikki says, holding out his pinkie. It’s childish, sure, but he firmly believes in the power of a pinkie promise.

Tommy links their pinkies and they hook them quickly before letting go. “Alright, I don’t know how to really say it, but basically, I think everyone just pretends to like me. Like, sure I’m funny and alright to hang out with in a group, but I don’t think I’m anyone’s best friend. I think that people just put up with me at social functions and when I leave they’re like _‘oh thank god Tommy is gone.’_ I dunno, it’s stupid. I just feel really irritating all the time, and I mean, I am. Like, I wouldn’t leave you alone, man.”

Well, that’s not really what Nikki was expecting. He had no idea that Tommy felt that way.

“If it helps, I don’t think you’re irritating,” he says.

“You don’t have to lie,” Tommy says, looking skeptical.

“Okay, so maybe you did irritate the shit out of me for a little bit. But, if I hated you, I wouldn’t be here right now. I definitely wouldn’t have let you hug me, either,” he points out. Tommy has an uncharacteristically shy smile on his face. “I mean it, Tommy. You aren’t as annoying as you think you are.”

“You’re sweet,” Tommy mumbles, playing with his hair absentmindedly.

Nikki smiles. It’s odd to see Tommy so… insecure. He decides he wants to know more about Tommy. Of course, he doesn’t want Tommy to lay out all his insecurities on their first sleepover, he doesn’t want Tommy to upset himself.

“So, tell me about your favorite childhood memory,” he says, wanting to lighten the mood.

“Oh, that’s easy,” Tommy smiles, looking more like his normal self. “Okay, so this isn’t my absolute _favorite_ childhood memory, but it’s one that I do remember really well, because it’s gross and it wasn’t that long ago. Maybe it is my favorite, I dunno. So, my parents took me and Athena to Magic Mountain, you know, the Six Flags park, or whatever. And anyway, we were on the Goliath, well, first you should know I love roller coasters. Athena does not. But I convinced her to do it with me and so she’s nervous the entire time we’re in line, right? Well, she seems okay when we get on. So the roller coaster starts, and it’s fine, but as soon as we get to the biggest hill, she fucking vomits! And it gets all over the guy next to her. I think I passed out because I was laughing so hard.”

“So wait, you’re telling me that your sister just fucking projectile-vomited onto the guy next to her?” Nikki asks, eyes wide with disbelief.

“Yes! That’s exactly what happened!” Tommy laughs. “It was so fucking gross!” They’re both laughing now, Nikki struggling to breathe. They keep laughing, but they’ve mostly moved on from Tommy’s story. They’re just laughing with each other now. Their laughter starts to wind down a bit, but then Tommy snorts, and Nikki loses his shit all over again.

“You fucking-” he wheezes, “you fucking _snorted_!”

Tommy has to wipe tears out of his eyes, he's laughing so hard, “I know! Disgusting, right?” It’s not so much that the story was incredibly funny, but more so the fact that they’re feeding off of each other now. Every time they start to calm down, they make eye contact and it starts all over again. They calm down eventually, the room quiet once again. Nikki shivers and debates putting on his jacket.

“Are you cold?” Tommy asks, still wiping his eyes.

“Huh? Oh, I mean. A little? I was probably just gonna get my jacket. It’s by your drums,” he points across the room at the drum kit.

Tommy shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. Here,” he says, taking off his hoodie and handing to Nikki. “Wear this. It’s more comfortable than a leather jacket.”

Nikki blushes, taking the jacket and putting it on. It’s a little big on him, but that’s just because Tommy’s taller than he is. The sleeves are a little too long, and it smells like Tommy, that same cinnamon scent. Tommy’s smiling at him, and Nikki feels like being brave.

“Hey,” he whispers.

“Yeah?” Tommy whispers back.

“Listen, I know you said you wanted to take it slow, but-”

“But?” Tommy interrupts. “Oh, my bad. Sorry keep talking.” He can’t really help it, he’s a weird mix of excited and nervous. He pretends to zip his lips and throw away the key, promising to stay quiet.

Nikki smiles at him and continues, “What I was saying was, I know you said you wanted to take it slow, but I really wanna kiss you.”

Tommy smiles, and leans in a little closer. “Yeah?” he whispers.

“Yeah,” Nikki echoes, leaning in so close that their lips are almost touching. His heart feels like it might beat out of his chest. Either that, or he’s about to die.

“Good. Because I wanna kiss you too,” Tommy murmurs, right before closing the gap between them.

Nikki’s a little surprised, but quickly relaxes into it. He shouldn’t be, but maybe he just didn't expect this to go so smoothly. Tommy’s hand comes up and rests on Nikki’s jaw, his thumb stroking Nikki’s cheek. Tommy’s lips are soft against his, and he never wants it to end.

They break apart a couple moments later, but Tommy keeps his hand on Nikki’s face. “You’re so fucking cute,” Nikki murmurs. He brings his own hand up to cover Tommy’s, gently pulling it off his face and holding it. He kisses the palm of Tommy’s hand, just for fun, and looks up at him.

“You’re pretty cute, too,” Tommy says, smiling. He leans in for another kiss, and Nikki feels like he’s about to explode, but in a good way? Their next few kisses are soft and chaste, and Tommy just can’t keep his hands off of Nikki. They don’t go farther than that, content with what they have going on now.

The rest of their night is filled with talking, joking, and the occasional kiss - or two, or three, or four. Tommy’s not counting. Actually, yes he is.

Nikki feels more at home here, in Tommy’s room, than he ever has at his own house. But maybe it’s just Tommy that makes him feel that way. They eventually fall asleep in the early hours of the morning, Tommy holding Nikki in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tommy got nikki doing the debby ryan (and vice versa ofc)
> 
> aND nikki has acquired tommy's hoodie that's it they're dating now sorry I don't make the rules 
> 
> (im joking it's a slow burn baby !!)


	11. Call Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the urge to just upload the whole fic in one go is,,,, excruciating
> 
> but i cannot
> 
> also hope u guys just love nikki's mom bc we get more of her today !!

Nikki wakes up first, confused with his surroundings. Then he remembers that he’s at Tommy’s house, and more importantly, he’s in Tommy’s arms. Tommy is snoring softly, and the sun filtering in through the curtains is casting a golden glow on the room. Nikki thinks this is as close to perfection as he’ll ever get.

He supposes it’s a little odd that he’s already so comfortable in Tommy’s bed, and in his arms, but fuck it. If it feels right, who is he to question it?

He reaches for his phone to check the time and sees that he has not one, but four missed calls and a voicemail from his mother.

So much for a perfect morning, huh? He sighs and puts the phone back, trying to think about anything but her.

Tommy stirs behind him, nuzzling in between Nikki’s neck in the pillow. “Tommy?” he whispers, not wanting to accidentally wake him up.

He grunts back, still half asleep. He tightens his arms around Nikki’s waist. “G’morning,” he mumbles against Nikki’s shoulder. “What time is it?”

“Hi. It’s ten fifteen.”

Tommy sighs and says, “Gross, I wish I was still asleep. I wanna sleep all the time, like a bear.”

Nikki tries his best to turn around and face Tommy. After a couple minutes of wiggling and shifting, he’s successful. Tommy opens his eyes when he feels their noses touch, and he moves to kiss Nikki. “You’re so handsome,” he murmurs.

“Ugh, shut up. I have bedhead _and_ morning breath,” Nikki protests. He moves in for another kiss anyway, loving the feeling of Tommy’s lips on his.

“I don’t care,” Tommy says, “I’ll kiss you whenever I want, asshole. Unless you tell me no. In which case, I will respect your boundaries.”

Nikki nods and smiles, closing his eyes again. They lay like that for some time, dozing and enjoying each other’s company. It feels odd, and yet in the same vein it feels comfortable, normal, _domestic_. Neither of them have even thought about putting a name on this thing that they’ve got going on. It’s still too new, and they don’t want to jump the shark and fuck it up.

“What time do you need to be home?” Tommy asks. Neither of them want Nikki to leave, but he has to go home at some point.

“I guess sometime soon? I told my mom I would be home at a reasonable hour. I should have said I was never coming back,” he says, only halfway joking. Tommy lets go of Nikki begrudgingly and they sit up, stretching.

“Wanna grab your stuff and I’ll take you home?” Tommy asks, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He notices that Nikki slept in his hoodie, but he doesn’t say anything. He thinks it’s actually really cute. Nikki nods and slips out from under the blankets.

He picks up his pants from yesterday, shoving them in his backpack. He slides his boots on, turning around to face Tommy. “How do I look?”

“Like a supermodel,” Tommy teases, getting out of bed. He stretches upwards on his tippy toes and almost brushes his fingertips against the ceiling. He moves to hug Nikki. “I don’t want you to leave,” he mumbles.

“I know,” Nikki hugs him back. “I don’t wanna go, either.”

They finally let go and Tommy slips on the closest pair of shoes, grabbing his car keys off his dresser before they leave. The car ride is mostly silent. The radio plays some weird indie shit, but since it’s Tommy’s car and he gets to pick the music, Nikki shuts up about it. When Tommy pulls into the driveway, he doesn’t want to get out of the car.

“Hey,” Tommy says, brushing a thumb over Nikki’s cheek. “We’ll see each other Monday, right? That’s only like, forty eight hours away. We can call each other, so it doesn’t seem as long.”

Nikki smiles and leans into Tommy’s space, kissing his cheek. “Yeah, see you Monday.” He gets out of the car and waves as he turns around to walk into his house.

“Hey!” Tommy shouts, in the middle of rolling his window down.

“What?” Nikki turns back around and comes back to the car, resting on the door frame.

“You better call me, Sixx. I’m serious. I can’t spend the rest of my weekend staring at the ceiling worrying about you,” he says with a grin. Nikki smiles back at him and sticks his head back inside the car to kiss Tommy goodbye for real, this time.

“You don’t gotta worry about me,” he says. “Pinkie promise.” He holds his pinkie out and Tommy takes it.

Tommy seems satisfied with that, and he rolls his window back up as Nikki walks back up his driveway. Before opening the door, Nikki turns back around and waves at Tommy. He waves back and doesn’t pull out onto the road until he sees that Nikki is safely inside.

\----

Inside, Nikki feels tense and out of place. These aren’t new feelings to him, not by a long shot. He wishes that he had stayed at Tommy’s house, if just for a little bit longer. He trudges up to his room to unpack his bag and find something to do to occupy his time.

He doesn’t want to call Tommy yet, he feels like that seems desperate. Also, he’s been home for like, five minutes. Tommy’s probably still driving. He sits on the floor and dumps his bag out in front of him. He fishes around in the pile of clothes for his charger, and leans over to plug it into the nearest wall.

When he plugs his phone in, it’s on 23% and he sees the missed call notifications. Oh, yeah. He almost forgot about those. Nikki supposes he should go downstairs, make sure his mom isn’t like, dead or anything. It’s not like his life would change too drastically. Honestly, the biggest difference is that he would end up living alone. So like, maybe that’s a plus?

Before leaving his room, he looks at himself in the mirror and finally notices that he’s still got on Tommy’s hoodie from last night. Oops. He takes it off and tucks it in his backpack, instead slipping on a zip-up that’s draped over a chair.

“Mom?” he calls out as he walks downstairs. “Hello?”

He doesn’t get a response, but that’s normal. Nikki stands in the den, unsure if he should keep looking for her or just retreat back upstairs. Before he has time to make that decision, his mother has appeared in the doorway that separates the den and the kitchen.

“You’re home,” she says drily.

“Yeah?” Nikki resists the urge to call her Captain Obvious. Yesterday she said she didn’t care if he came home or not. Maybe she really didn’t want him to. Come home, that is.

“I thought you were staying all weekend?” Deana asks, sitting down in an old armchair. Nikki figures that he’s going to be here for a while, so he sits down on the equally ratty couch.

“Nope,” he says. “I said that I would be home in the morning. And it’s the morning. And I’m home.” He picks at his cuticles some more, trying to look anywhere but at her.

“Did you see that I called you, Frankie?” she asks. She lights a cigarette and takes a puff, waiting for Nikki to answer.

“Not until I got home. I don’t look at my phone very often. You know that,” he lies, leaning back and crossing his arms.

Deana raises a thin, penciled-in eyebrow. “Well, did you at least listen to my voicemail?”

He shakes his head no, not particularly caring about what she had to say to him. She barely talks to him at home, unless she’s yelling at him for not doing the dishes. What could she possibly wanted to say to him?

“I could’ve been dying, Frankie. You know that, right? I could’ve fallen, or been in a car accident, or-”

“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to your voicemail,” he interrupts her, not here for her attempt at guilt tripping him. “I didn’t think about it since your car was in the driveway and the door was unlocked.” It’s only half a lie. He really didn’t think he needed to. But of course, she can’t make up her mind on whether or not she gives a shit, so she’s just decided to be difficult. Wonderful.

“Well I guess all that matters is that I’m safe, right?” she takes another puff of her cigarette. Nikki nods, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. “So how was it? Spending the night with your friend?”

“Tommy. His name is Tommy. And uh, it was fine. Nothing really happened,” he says, trying to sound as boring as possible. That couldn’t be farther from the truth, but she doesn’t need to know that.

“Really? Nothing happened?”

Nikki stiffens in his seat, worried that she knows. “Yup. Nothing happened. We just ate dinner with his family and hung out in his room. It was fun,” he says.

“You should bring him here, if he’s so important to you,” she says and stubs her cigarette out in an ashtray. She immediately pulls another one out of the pack and lights it, the smell cloying.

“What?” Nikki’s thoroughly confused now. Sure, he asked if he could have a sleepover once when he was 6 and got yelled at, but he figures that’s enough to know he’s not allowed to have people over.

“You heard me. Bring him over, let me meet him!”

He shakes his head, not fooled by her fakery, “Uh, I don’t think that’s really necessary. Besides, we just started hanging out.” He’s trying to come up with any reason to NOT bring Tommy over. Him coming inside for five minutes while Nikki grabbed his stuff was way different than spending the night.

Deana stands up and heads into the kitchen. Before she crosses the threshold she turns to him and says, “That boy’s trouble, Frankie. You should distance yourself.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” He asks, eyes narrowed.

“You can’t even pick up your phone when you’re with him, right? He’s _trouble_.”

Nikki rolls his eyes then and waits for her to turn around before flipping her off. She doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about. He heads back upstairs and really weighs the pros and cons of slamming his door as hard as possible, just to piss her off. He doesn’t do it, though. He just pushes it closed softly, and fantasizes about the day he can finally move out.

 _Why is she incapable of deciding what she wants?_ he thinks. It doesn’t make sense that she can just tell him to leave, that she doesn’t give a fuck, and then the next day be all upset because he didn’t pick up his phone. And what the fuck is she talking about, calling Tommy “trouble?” If anything, Nikki’s the troubled one. She’s just pissed because Nikki finally has someone in his life that isn’t her, and she’s barely in his life as it is.

Before calling Tommy, he thinks about listening to the voicemail. His finger hovers over the play button. It surely can’t be anything positive. It’s probably just her on a drunken rant about how it’s his fault that his father left and that’s he’s a shitty son. Instead of listening to it, he just deletes it and dials Tommy instead.

Tommy picks up on the second ring, and Nikki’s greeted with: _“What’s up, hot stuff? I miss you already.”_

He smiles, quickly forgetting about his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> currently working on a one shot that's like 90% from Heather's perspective,, v excited about that (it's still terrorcest dw)
> 
> anyway thanks for reading :,)


	12. Camellias

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg finally some actual art going on in art class,, also surprise we see heather again (love her)

Tommy has been throwing the word around in his head since Friday night, and he’s still thinking about it on Monday morning.

_Boyfriend._

It feels weird. He’s never had a boyfriend before. Is it any different than having a girlfriend? Probably. Either way, Nikki isn’t his boyfriend, but he feels like that might change soon. He hopes so, at least.

He also hopes that Nikki shows up soon, he’s bored. Granted, he’s only been in class for about two minutes, and the bell hasn’t rung yet, but he’s got a short attention span. All he could think about this weekend was seeing Nikki on Monday, and now he might not even be here.

There’s a blank canvas on the table, and he’s unsure what it’s for. Probably painting, but Tommy hasn’t really been paying attention to class. He mostly comes for Nikki.

“Hey,” Nikki says, making Tommy jump.

“What the fuck? Where did you come from?” he asks. He notices that Nikki’s wearing his hoodie and feels his heart beat a little faster. “Also, you uh, you look cute today.”

Nikki sits down, wiggling his fingers, “I’m a vampire, duh. Has she said anything yet?” he asks, gesturing to their teacher. “Wait, do I not look cute every day?”

Tommy likes this new level of confidence Nikki seems to have in himself. He snickers, and opens his mouth to speak right as the bell rings. Their teacher walks to the podium in front of the board.

“Alright guys,” she says, turning on the smartboard behind her. “Today, we’re going to start our painting unit. Now, for your first project, I’ve put you in pairs. Those are on the board behind me. The instructions are taped to your table, and if you need help, ask me.”

Tommy scans the board, searching for his name, hoping that he and Nikki are together. “Fuck yes,” he whispers. “We’re partners!” he says, turning back to Nikki. “You’re good at painting, right?”

“Uh, I think so,” Nikki shrugs. He’s more into drawing than painting, but he’s good at both. Either way, there’s always time to get better. Painting with Tommy is just an added bonus.

“C’mon man,” Tommy says, moving around to Nikki’s side of the table. “My grade is riding on this. And I plan on doing absolutely nothing. So uh, get painting.” He taps the canvas impatiently, looking expectantly at Nikki.

Nikki laughs, pushing Tommy’s shoulder playfully. “Absolutely not. And this is still a beginner class, so like, I’m sure you won’t be the worst.”

“You saw what happened when I tried drawing hands, right? They were basically cartoon turkeys, Nik. Cartoon. Turkeys.”

They both laugh, and Nikki leans on Tommy. “They weren’t that bad,” he reassures him. Despite what Tommy thinks, he’s actually not that bad at drawing.

“I really wanna kiss you,” Tommy whispers. “Is that okay?”

Nikki stands up straight again and takes a quick glance around the room. Both of them have their backs to the class, and everyone is wrapped up in their own projects. “Yeah. It’s okay,” he whispers back. He tilts his head up to meet Tommy for a soft, chaste kiss.

Tommy smiles down at him. “So, what do the instructions say?” he asks, grabbing for the paper that Nikki’s untaped from the table.

“We’re painting flowers,” he says, watching the taller boy study the paper. “The good news is we get to choose the flower.”

“That’s not too hard. Right?”

Nikki shrugs, grabbing the canvas and turning it several ways. “Flowers aren’t that hard. That’s why they’re a good subject to start with. But they can be difficult to draw, paint, whatever, if you don’t know what you’re doing. So like, I guess it’s fifty-fifty. What flower do you wanna paint?”

Tommy takes a second to think about it, thinking about flowers that his mom has planted in their garden throughout the years. “What about camellias? They’re pretty and I kinda sorta know what they look like.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Nikki says. He puts down the canvas to grab his phone. “What color do you want? There’s white, which seems like a bad choice, unless we have a background. Or we could outline it with a gray, but then that would throw the others off. There’s also red and pink.”

“All,” Tommy says, eyes wide.

“What?”

“All of them. All the colors. We have the colors right?” he asks, reaching for Nikki’s phone.

“Well, yeah. But you’ve never-”

“Look,” he turns the phone around to show Nikki the flower. “They’re basically lotuses on crack, right? Which means they wouldn’t be that hard to draw. So here’s my idea- you draw the flowers, and then I paint them.”

Nikki raises an eyebrow. “I thought you said you’ve never painted.”

“Well, duh,” Tommy rolls his eyes and sets Nikki’s phone on the table. “You’re gonna tell me what to do, so I don’t fuck it up. Or help me, I dunno.”

That’s actually… not a bad plan. “Okay,” Nikki nods. “Give me like, twenty minutes? Maybe thirty.”

Tommy gives him a thumbs up and twirls his pencil around, trying to think of something to do for twenty (maybe thirty) minutes. He settles for drawing in his sketchbook, practicing eyes and faces and flowers. He also lets his mind wander back to the whole “boyfriend” thing.

Is it too early to ask Nikki about that? They’re kissing and holding hands, but what if Nikki doesn’t want that? Then again, he doesn’t think Nikki would have kissed him back so many times if he didn’t want something more. He taps his pencil on the book absentmindedly, wondering if this thing between them will blossom into something more, or if it’s just going to fizzle out before the semester is even over.

He would be lying if he said he didn’t want to give everything he has and more to Nikki. Maybe it’s stupid for him to feel that way, he’s only in high school. But, he’s always been a hopeless romantic - all love, all the time. And he really wants this. Nikki as a boyfriend. He wants to love Nikki as fiercely as possible, Nikki deserves that feeling of loving and being loved. He wants it so bad, it’s basically become all he can think about.

“Hey, you ready?” Nikki asks him softly, tapping his shoulder.

Tommy jumps, his train of thought derailed. “Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for? You were just staring into space. Anyway, I’ve got the flowers ready. Wanna help me mix the paint?”

Tommy nods, grabbing the red and uncapping it.

“Okay, so, I think we’re gonna need more white than red for the pink. If you look,” Nikki points to his phone, which has been propped up against his backpack, “They’re a really soft pink. We’ll need a darker pink eventually, but we can mix that later. I’m gonna grab napkins and water while you do that.”

“What if I mess it up?” he asks, squirting the paint out onto the palette.

Nikki laughs, “I don’t think you will.” He plants a quick kiss on Tommy’s cheek before walking away.

“Okay, well, don’t be shocked when you come back and the table’s on fire!” Tommy calls after him. He uncaps and pours the white into the red, watching them mix before sticking his own brush in and swirling them around. A pastel pink appears as the result, and he proudly whispers “Fuck yeah,” to himself

Nikki returns quickly, a cup of water and paper towels in hand. “How’s it going?”

“I think I should work in the paint section at Home Depot man, check this shit out,” he says and gestures to his paint.

“Sexy. Do you think it’s possible to fuck paint?” Nikki asks and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. There’s a pause, and then they both burst out in laughter, drawing the attention of the table next to them.

Tommy turns around and apologizes, “Oh, sorry.” He turns back around and they almost start laughing again when they make eye contact.

“Alright, paint-fucking aside. What am I supposed to do?” Tommy asks, pointing to the canvas with his brush.

Nikki chuckles and picks up his own brush, dipping it in the light pink. “Alright, you see these petals right here?”

“Yup.”

“Awesome, okay. So, these guys right here are gonna be the light pink you mixed,” he points to several flowers on the canvas. “and these guys are gonna be red. I’ll do those. That alright with you?”

“Hell yeah,” Tommy nods and dips his paint brush. “Wait, what about the white ones?” he asks, starting to fill in the lines Nikki’s drawn with paint.

“They’ll go last, since they’re the lightest color,” Nikki says and paints in his own flowers. “Also, I’m not entirely sure how I wanna do them, yet.” They work together in a comfortable silence, Tommy humming a tune Nikki doesn’t recognize.

It doesn’t take long for Tommy to finish painting his flowers. “What do I do now?” he asks.

Nikki looks over to inspect Tommy’s flowers, and then looks up at him. “Are your feelings easily hurt?”

“Wh- no? At least I don’t think so?”

He flips his brush around and hovers it above a couple spots on the canvas. “You missed here, here, and here. They’re just little spots, though. And this flower is just a little bit patchy, but don’t worry about it. Everything else is great.”

Tommy smiles. “Thanks. Also, my feelings are now irreparably damaged, how do you feel?”

“I feel just fine,” Nikki smirks and goes back to his own painting. “A little happy about it, even.”

“I’ll slap the shit out of you,” Tommy teases back and leans over to fix the spots he missed. It only takes him a couple of minutes. “How’s this look?” He twirls his brush around in his finger before tapping it against his cheek.

Nikki looks at Tommy’s flowers, and then at him.

“What? Did I ruin them?” Tommy asks, confused at Nikki’s silence.

“Nope. Those look great. You just uh, you have something,” he taps his cheek and then points at Tommy’s, “right there.”

“Huh?” he raises his hand to his cheek to wipe it off, but Nikki catches it before he can.

“You painted yourself. Hold on.” Nikki grabs his phone and takes a picture, flipping it around to show Tommy. Sure enough, there’s pink paint that’s been dabbed all over Tommy’s cheek. Tommy makes a little “oh” face in surprise and laughs. “Don’t try and rub it off,” Nikki says, smiling himself and reaching for a towel. “You’ll only smear it more.”

He dips the corner into their (thankfully clean) water cup and wipes the paint away gently. They lock eyes for a moment, just staring at each other. It isn’t magical, or something out of a movie. The lighting of their high school classroom doesn’t really allow for that.

Movie lighting and swells of music aside, it’s a little moment that belongs just to them, Nikki’s hand on Tommy’s cheek.

“Uh, I think I got it all,” he says quietly, dropping the now dirty napkin on the table.

Tommy scrubs a hand up and down his cheek and inspects his palm. “Yup, I am squeaky clean. Maybe I should get you to clean my room, dude.” Nikki chuckles and turns back to the canvas, inspecting it. He dips his brush back in the paint when he finds a couple unfinished spots.

“You would have to pay me, you know. I have an hourly rate, babe,” he says, looking back over to Tommy and arching an eyebrow.

“I didn’t know you were a maid and a prostitute!” Tommy laughs, pulling his hair up into a bun. “I guess I’ve really lucked out here, huh?”

“It would appear so. Also, I know I already told you, but your hair looks good. You should do your hair like that more often. It looks nice.” Nikki wants to bang his head against the table. That couldn’t have come out more awkwardly.

“Really?” Tommy asks, a soft smile on his face. “I just wanted to make sure that I didn’t end up getting paint in my hair. Or anywhere else, for that matter. Course, I probably should’ve done this before we started painting.”

Nikki nods, turning back to the painting. “What time is it?”

“Almost time for the bell to ring, I think. Damn, I don’t really wanna go to band now.”

“Oh yeah? And why is that?” Nikki asks, smirking.

Tommy pushes his shoulder and says, “‘Cause I can’t kiss you in band, dumbass. And I can’t skip either. My parents might find out if I start missing a bunch of class.”

“But you can text me, right?”

He shrugs and starts to pick up the dirty napkins. “I could, as long as the band director doesn’t catch me. So maybe I’ll just have to be sneaky.”

“Maybe you will,” Nikki smiles at him and rinses off his own brush. While Tommy walks to the trash can, he gathers up the cup and the palette and takes them to the sink to rinse off. He thinks about asking Tommy on a date. A real date, this time. By the time he makes it back to the table and has worked up the courage to ask, the bell is ringing.

“Hey, Nikki?” Tommy asks.

“Yeah?”

“When you have the time, you should look up what they mean. Camellias, I mean,” he says. He leans down to give Nikki a quick kiss goodbye.

Nikki smiles to himself as he packs up his stuff and makes a mental note to look up what they mean when he gets home. He has the feeling it’s something gross and sappy, and he can’t wait.

——

Heather and Tommy are finally hanging out again. Tommy texted her in the middle of their last class of the day, saying it was an “emergency.” Turns out, he just wanted to go to the mall.

On the drive over, Heather had him tell her everything, from art class to Nikki spending the night to their first kiss. Honestly, she couldn’t be more over the moon for her best friend. Nikki seems like a good fit for him.

“Why are we here again?” she asks, knowing full well what the answer is. It’s worth it to pretend like she’s forgotten though, just to see Tommy get excited all over again.

“Because duh!” He exclaims, holding the door open for her. “I’m goin’ on a date!”

“But you haven’t asked him yet,” she says, throwing him a pointed look as they walk through the food court. Tommy’s eyes wander around, scanning the brightly lit signs.

He shrugs, looking over at the Dairy Queen. “I mean, I’m gonna ask him. Obviously. I just, uh, I don’t know when to do it or how.” They turn right, heading for the Hot Topic.

“You’ll know,” she says, touching his arm lightly. “You knew when to ask me on a date.”

Tommy scoffs and combs his fingers through his bangs. “Yeah, but like, we didn’t date for very long. Just a couple months in freshman year. And I was also, like, a horny dumbass.”

“You mean you aren’t still a horny dumbass?” she teases. Tommy rolls his eyes and flips her off, bumping into her on purpose. She pushes him back, enjoying their banter.

They’re walking peacefully, but Tommy suddenly says, “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but Nikki just feels… different.”

Heather shrugs and pulls him into the Disney store. “Quick detour. Anyway, I’m not offended,” she says, looking at the stuffed animals. “We’re still best friends, right? It was a friendly split! It isn’t like we got divorced after almost a decade of marriage, you know?”

“Oh, yeah. I didn't really think about that. Anyway, I think we’re the oldest people in here,” he says, looking around at all the little kids. “Seriously, is there an adult in here?”

Heather laughs and holds up a stuffed siamese cat. “Awww,” she coos, “Look at him. He’s so ugly it’s cute.”

Tommy smiles and picks up another one, studying it. “Ha, Nikki likes this movie. We watched the Lady and the Tramp a couple days ago. I think it’s his favorite, or at least one of his favorites.” Heather watches him talk, he’s got a soft smile on his face as he studies the plush before tucking it under his arm. “I’m buyin’ this. Is it overpriced and yet incredibly high quality? Yes. Will it make Nikki happy? Hopefully.”

She smiles at him and follows him to the register, listening to him make friendly conversation with the cashier. They’re quickly back out into the main walkway and headed down the hall.

“So what are we looking for?” she asks as they enter the Hot Topic, rock music blaring from the shitty store speakers.

Tommy makes his way to the back of the store, looking up at the wall of t-shirts. “I’m looking for a new pair of pants. And also maybe more shirts, even though I don’t really need them.” He bends forward, pulling one out from the stack. He unfolds it and inspects it before nodding and tucking it under his arm.

“What kind of pants?” Heather asks, looking at the stacks of jeans. Tommy comes up behind her and drapes the shirt on her shoulder, scanning the different jeans hung on the rack.

“I wanna find something cool. I don’t wanna wear the same boring ass jeans that he’s seen before. Wait- _These_ ,” he says, taking a pair off the rack. He holds them up in front of Heather’s face, scanning her for a reaction.

Heather quirks an eyebrow as he marvels at the pants. “Those?”

“Yes, Heather, you unfashionable bitch. Wait, that was mean. I mean, I know you aren’t upset but still; I feel bad. Anyway, these are cool because see,” he waves them around. “They’re black on the left and white on the right in front, but it’s reversed for the back. See, look, black, white, white, black,” he turns them front to back and back to front, trying to get his point across. She laughs and nods, and hands him his shirt back. He thanks her, and they look around for a little longer.

“So do you have any concrete plans for your date?” she asks as they sort through the basket full of pins and badges. “Ow, shit!” she hisses when one sticks her in the finger.

Tommy laughs at her, only to be stabbed himself a moment later. “Goddammit. Karma, I guess,” he chuckles. “Anyway, I don’t really know yet. I mean, we'll most likely go to dinner and stuff. I’m just hoping he says yes right now.”

They step in line, arms full of clothes and other accessories. “He’ll say yes,” Heather says as she sets her stuff down on the counter. “I’m sure of it.”

Tommy smiles at her, hoping she’s right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so if u (like our boy nikki) looked up camellias: boom now the title makes sense
> 
> also not to be sad on main but i just need to put this SOMEWHERE: yall ever feel like someone whos supposed to be ur friend is ignoring u lol lol lol anyway back to ur regularly scheduled gay content


	13. Stealing Art & Kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all i have to say is you havent lived until youve listened to watch me whip (nae nae) by silento while writing a make out scene

Tommy wakes up, feeling like someone is hitting him with an icepick right. Between. The. Eyes. _This is it_ , he thinks, _I’m finally dying._ Well, he's not actually dying. He just has a migraine. He lifts his head just enough to glance at the clock.

_4:36 AM_

Ugh.

He rolls over, squeezing his eyes shut. He’s got an hour and a half before he actually has to get up for school, with the added bonus of a headache. Hooray. He debates texting Nikki, but he thinks the brightness of his phone might _actually_ melt his entire face. Also, Nikki might be asleep right now.

He lays there for about ten minutes, trying to go back to sleep, before giving up. He reaches behind him, blindly searching for his phone. The brightness actually isn’t too bad, and he squints as he turns it down all the way.

Opening up his texts, he sends Nikki a simple, _“hey.”_ He doesn’t expect a response, especially not at this hour. Tommy turns his phone off and lets it lay next to him as he closes his eyes.

Not five minutes later, his phone vibrates. He picks it up to see a message from Nikki.

_“Why are you awake?”_

Tommy rubs his eyes, hoping to alleviate at least a little bit of the pressure that’s threatening to pop his eyes out of his skull. _“Why are YOU awake??”_ he sends back. Three little dots pop up almost immediately.

_“I’m a vampire, remember?? smh. What’s up?”_

Oh, right. Tommy smiles at their sort-of, maybe inside joke. Nikki’s always struck Tommy as a night owl, so he guesses it isn’t that weird that Nikki’s awake.

_“How could I forget,, also I have a headache and I think I might actually die :)))”_

_“Sorry :( also that smiley is unnerving”_

_“It’s how I FEEL, Nikkolas”_ Tommy laughs quietly to himself, before realizing that just makes his head hurt worse. He sighs, wishing his headache would go away.

_“Tommy I will pay you so much money to NEVER do that to my name ever again”_

_“How much money are we talking??”_ Tommy smiles at his screen. He can imagine Nikki’s face right now, and he almost laughs.

_“I have 17 dollars. I can throw in a kiss to make it even.”_

_“Gayyyy. I accept. I will be taking my kiss asap, please and thank you.”_

_“How about right now?”_

What? He does know it’s 4 AM, right? How would Nikki even get in the house? Tommy thinks about it for a moment, and then decides fuck it. He’s allowed to have at least one coming-of-age teenage movie moment, alright?

_“okay. are you gonna come over?”_

_“Yeah I’ll be there in 15”_

Tommy sits up and rubs his eyes again. His head feels like a bowling ball as he stumbles out of bed, searching for pajama pants. He grabs them, slides them on, and wonders how he’s going to get Nikki in without waking his parents.

He pads downstairs, making a pitstop in the kitchen to grab two advil. He dry swallows them and heads towards the door. He opens it, hoping and praying that it doesn’t squeak. It opens just enough for his slim frame to fit through, and he shuts it softly behind him.

Tommy sits down on the front steps. The air is warm, and smells like the beginning of fall. He looks across his yard, thinks about himself and Nikki. When is it a good time to ask about being boyfriends? Will there ever be a good time?

Tommy finds it weird that he’s so worried about this. All of his other relationships have just been jumped in headfirst, i-love-you’s being said in a week. Of course, it really isn’t that odd that he cares so deeply about this. Nikki is different.

He’s different than all the girls from before. He’s all spikes and black clothing and anger on the outside. But on the inside? He’s soft, caring, vulnerable. Tommy could tell within a few weeks that Nikki’s built up massive walls, but after hearing about his dad walking out, and how shitty his mom is, it makes sense.

Nikki isn’t a mean or uncaring person. He’s just trying to protect his heart.

And Tommy gets that, he really does. He doesn’t ever want to hurt Nikki, so if he has to just shut the hell up from time to time and take a step back to let Nikki breathe, he’ll do it. But there’s no point in thinking about it right now. They’re not even dating.

He’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice Nikki pulling onto his street until his car is right in front of the house, the headlights shining almost directly into his eyes. He squints his eyes and stands up slowly, not wanting to make his headache worse.

The car turns off and Nikki steps out. “Hey,” he greets Tommy as he walks up the sidewalk.

“Hi,” Tommy says quietly, wrapping his arms around Nikki. Nikki hugs him back and presses a quick kiss to Tommy’s jaw before resting his head on the taller boy’s shoulder.

“You okay?” he asks, slightly muffled.

Tommy shrugs as best he can. “I mean, my head feels like it might explode. Other than that, though? Peachy.”

Nikki frowns at him, clearly concerned. He breaks their embrace. “Why don’t we go inside? Have you taken anything?”

“Yeah, but I’m still waiting for them to like, kick in.” Tommy takes Nikki's hand, leading the way.

The door opens silently, thank god, and Nikki pushes it closed with a soft click. They tiptoe upstairs, careful not to make too much noise. Once they’re successfully in Tommy’s room, Nikki turns on a lamp, the light basking the room with a warm glow.

Tommy grabs a stray blanket and wraps it around himself, sitting on the edge of his bed. He holds out his arm as an invitation for Nikki to come sit with him.

“You’re wearing my hoodie,” he says as Nikki sits down next to him and he wraps them both up.

“Yeah, is that okay?” Nikki asks.

“Pfft. Of course. You look cute.”

Nikki smiles and fists his hands in the sleeves of the hoodie. “So uh, do you still want this kiss?”

Tommy looks confused at first, and then raises his eyebrows as he remembers. “Yeah, about that. See on your way over, I decided I’d like money instead.”

“No can do, dumbass. You signed a contract. Gimme a kiss.”

“What contract? Are you the FBI man named Greg that lives in my phone? No, so you can’t-”

Nikki shuts him up with a kiss. It’s incredibly cliche, but he came over here for a kiss and dammit, he was going to get one. Tommy smiles against his lips and kisses him back.

Their kiss starts out soft and slow, but it soons turns into something deeper. Nikki’s tongue prods against Tommy’s lips, a silent question. Tommy opens his mouth ever so slightly, a silent yes. It’s a little awkward at first, but they soon figure out a steady pace. Nikki wraps his arm around Tommy’s neck and licks into his mouth, his fingers coming up to tangle in Tommy’s hair. Tommy’s sliding his hands up under Nikki’s shirt and his thumbs just barely graze over his nipples, causing Nikki to gasp in surprise.

“Sorry. Was that-” Tommy mutters, worried that he might have gone too far. Nikki presses a finger to his lips and smiles.

“You’re fine. You just surprised me.” He leans back in to resume their kiss, chasing that electricity that was there just moments before. He finds it quickly when he presses his tongue against Tommy’s almost desperately, his hands moving up to fist in Tommy’s hair again. Nikki moans against Tommy’s mouth, and Tommy takes this as his opportunity to explore Nikki’s mouth further. He’s in the middle of licking the roof of Nikki’s mouth when they’re interrupted by the beeping of his alarm clock.

They separate and stare at each other, the air between them charged and heavy. They’re panting, and Tommy brings his hands down until they’re resting on Nikki’s hips. They press their foreheads together and will themselves to calm down.

“You gonna turn that off?” Nikki says, gesturing toward Tommy’s alarm clock.

“Oh, yeah,” he smiles and reaches over to snooze it. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

“It’s alright. How’s your head?”

Tommy gets up and stretches, “Feels fine, now. I guess the meds kicked in. Or maybe kissing like we’re in a shitty porno is _just_ that magical,” he wiggles his eyebrows. Nikki rolls his eyes and smiles. “I’ll be right back,” he says, and Nikki gives him a thumbs up.

While Tommy’s gone, he turns around and takes a closer look at his wall of posters. He notices that along with the posters, there’s a bunch of pictures of Tommy’s family and friends. There’s a doodle thumbtacked just above eye-level, and upon closer inspection Nikki recognizes it as his own art.

“You looking at the flower?”

He turns his head abruptly, unaware that Tommy had returned. Tommy smiles and shucks off his pajama pants, opening a dresser drawer and searching for jeans. Without looking up he says, “You drew it the other day when we were talking about the flowers. You know, for our painting? Anyway, you left it on the table and I stole it when you weren’t looking.”

Nikki blushes and smiles. “Really?” he asks softly. He knew Tommy liked his art, but he didn’t know that he liked it enough to put it on his wall. Thinking about it makes him feel warm inside.

“Yeah,” Tommy shrugs. He pulls on his pants and jumps a little to get them situated just right. “I like your art. So I stole it. Like I said, I’m an expert in thievery.” He crosses his arms and grins at Nikki.

“Oh? How so?” he asks, standing up and meeting Tommy. Tommy grins at him, leans down, and presses a quick kiss to his lips. “What was that for?” he questions, a genuine smile replacing his smirk.

“I stole a kiss,” he explains, turning to his closet to look for a shirt. “What do you think about this one?” he asks, turning around. It’s a bright orange shirt with _Hulkamania_ emblazoned across the front in a spiky yellow font.

Nikki’s jaw drops. “That is _atrocious_! Do you live in like, 1985?”

“Hey man, some of us have culture,” Tommy flips him off and turns around to hang the shirt back up. “But since you hate it, I’ll pick another shirt.”

“Wait, no! I didn’t mean it like that,” he’s trying not to laugh, and failing. “The yellow on the orange is just- it’s something. Very you. Wear it.”

Tommy smiles, rolls his eyes, and pulls it on, tossing the hanger into the abyss that is his closet. He bends down in search of socks and shoes. “So, remember my brief absence five minutes ago? The one where I had to pee?”

Nikki nods, sticking his hands into the kangaroo pocket of Tommy’s hoodie.

“Well, I had an absolutely genius idea.”

“Ooh, a bathroom idea. Fun,” Nikki teases

“Nikki, darling,” he says, imitating a 50’s movie star. He stands up and cups Nikki’s face, “have I ever steered you wrong?” he pauses to press a quick kiss to Nikki’s forehead. “No, the answer is no. Anyway, you and I are gonna go on a real date. Like, no friends, no parents. Just you, me, and a fancy restaurant.”

“Oh?” Nikki raises an eyebrow in interest. “Where is this fancy restaurant?”

“We can talk about that on the way to school. Are you driving?” Tommy asks, grabbing his jacket and backpack.

“Uh, sure,” he says. He picks his keys up off Tommy’s dresser and waits for Tommy to check himself out in the mirror before they leave. As they’re walking out of the house, Nikki thinks about how excited he is at the prospect of a date.

Tommy Lee wants to take him out on a real date. How about that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nikki basically lives in tommy's hoodie now lmao


	14. Real Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> date time baby!!!

Nikki stands in front of his mirror. His hair is a disaster.

His plan was to come home, take a short nap, get ready to go on his date, and pick Tommy up at 6:30. However, he came home and ended up falling asleep until 6:07 exactly. This wouldn’t be a problem, except he was planning to wear something at least a little nice and do his hair. Oh and also, he still has to pick up Tommy.

He runs a brush through his hair, at least trying to get it back to his usual style. He teases it up just a little bit, you know, for that extra flair, or whatever. After he’s satisfied with his hair, he grabs his eyeliner. It’s hidden in his underwear drawer, just in case. It’s a quick application, and he’s leaning back to check himself out.

Clothes, he needs clothes. Unless, Tommy doesn’t mind him showing up in a t-shirt and boxers. He laughs at himself and digs through the piles of clothes on his floor, sniffing to make sure they’re okay to wear. He comes up with a sleeveless shirt that reads “d _eath before disco_ ” in a curly white font. He also finds a pair of black jeans with minimal rips and his boots.

Excellent. He gets dressed faster than he thought was even possible, and is in his car at 6:20. He looks over at Tommy’s hoodie in the passenger seat and smiles as he starts the car, pulling out of the driveway.

\----

Tommy is waiting in his room, pacing back and forth. Why hadn’t Nikki called him yet? He said he would when he was on the way.

He’s checking his phone constantly, the minutes ticking by. It’s 6:28. Where’s Nikki?

He decides to head downstairs, giving himself a quick once-over. He’s wearing an almost brand new outfit, consisting of his black and white jeans, a black tank top that’s fishnet on the sides, and his leather jacket. He looks nice, at least by his standards.

He stuffs his phone in his back pocket and looks out the window, just in case. Nothing. Sighing, he moves to his front porch and sits down on the steps. It gives him a sense of deja-vu, thinking back to when Nikki came over earlier in the week.

A car turns onto his street, and he looks up expectantly. Nope. It’s not Nikki.

Tommy’s starting to wonder if Nikki decided that he doesn’t want to go on a date, after all. He checks his phone again. 6:35. Well, then. A frown forms on his face and he stands up, ready to make his way back inside. Just as he touches the handle there’s a roar of an engine and a car turning onto his street.

It’s Nikki. He parallel parks sloppily, and shuts off the car.

“Hey!” he calls from the street. “Tommy! Where are you going?”

Tommy turns around and begins to walk towards the car, hands jammed in the pockets of his jacket. He looks at the ground instead of Nikki.

“Are you alright?” Nikki asks. Tommy shrugs at him and looks off into the distance, avoiding eye contact.

“I just thought that like, maybe you didn’t want to go on a date anymore,” he says quietly, hating how insecure he feels all of a sudden.

Nikki walks up to him and twirls a strand of Tommy’s hair around his finger. “Oh, Tommy, no, I wouldn’t do that. Uh, can I confide in you?” he asks. Tommy nods, anxiety pooling in his gut. This is it, he thinks. Nikki’s about to tell him to leave him alone forever.

“I overslept,” he says.

“What?” That’s not what he was expecting. It’s a welcome surprise, though. Much better than what he initially thought.

“I overslept. I went home and took a nap. I meant to be up like an hour and a half ago, but like, my body decided to go for a mini coma instead. Sorry I didn't call you, I forgot until I was like half way here. And like, road safety and all. Sorry. Hey, are you okay?” Nikki looks concerned, and brushes a thumb over Tommy’s cheek.

“Yeah, it’s stupid. Whatever. Let’s go,” he says, walking towards Nikki’s car. Nikki frowns and raises an eyebrow, following him. He knows that Tommy will open up to him eventually. At least, he hopes he will.

He starts the car and pulls back out onto the street. Their drive is silent for a couple minutes until Tommy speaks.

“I thought you ditched me.”

Nikki’s glad they’re stopped, because he turns to look at Tommy. “What?”

“It’s stupid, I know,” Tommy says, a self-deprecating laugh following his statement. “I was worried that you like, decided you didn’t want to go on a date after all. And you just didn’t tell me because you didn’t wanna hurt me or whatever. But you’re here now, so.”

“Tommy,” Nikki says softly. “I wouldn’t have left you hanging like that. I really did oversleep and then forgot to call you. I’m sorry,” he apologizes, facing the road again as the light turns green. He sees a small smile from Tommy in his peripheral vision. “You alright, now?”

“Yeah. I forgive you. Sometimes I just overthink myself into a bad mood. Also, you know, my whole thing about thinking people hate me.”

Nikki offers him an apologetic smile when they’re at another stop and kisses his cheek “Happens to the best of us.” Tommy smiles back at him and turns up the radio, already feeling better.

\----

It’s a small mexican restaurant, almost two towns over. When Tommy suggested it, Nikki was confused because he’d never heard of it. Despite this, he agreed and looked it up when he got home.

After seeing the location, it made more sense. Tommy wants them to be far enough away that the risk of somebody they know seeing them is minimal. And Nikki appreciates that. He likes that Tommy’s mindful of his worries, he likes that Tommy cares and pays attention.

 _Boyfriend material, maybe,_ he thinks as he pulls into the parking lot.

“So I looked at the menu beforehand, right?” Tommy says, unbuckling and getting out. “And anyway, I think I might have to order chicken tenders.”

“Are you serious?” Nikki chuckles. “Is the menu that bad?”

Tommy smiles at him. “No, dummy. If it was bad, I would’ve picked somewhere else. Anyway, it actually looks really good. Plus, love burritos, so I might have to hold off on the tenders.”

Nikki just smiles at him as they step inside. It’s decorated with sombreros and beer flags, and there’s a little light up sign nearby with the special of the day. It’s small, but Nikki likes it. They’re shown to a table and it’s not long before a waitress stops by to get their drink order.

Tommy orders Sprite because, “It’s like static in my mouth.” Nikki laughs at that and orders Dr. Pepper. It’s quiet between them as they look at the menu, deciding on their order. Nikki notices Tommy drumming on the table absentmindedly and smiles to himself. He wonders if Tommy’s aware of how often he does that.

He quickly decides on what he wants and sets his menu down, watching Tommy scan the menu.

Their waitress returns soon after with their drinks. Tommy folds his menu before handing it to her and smiles, giving her his order. Nikki orders after him and hands her menu. She tells them it’ll be out shortly and they thank her.

“So,” Nikki says. “Tell me about marching band. What do you play?”

“The flute,” he says, a stupid grin on his face. “Kidding, I’m in the drum corps. I’m probably the best one there.”

Nikki raises an eyebrow and smiles. “Is that so?”

“Fuck yeah, dude. Listen, me and the drum captain, Troy- you know him right? Maybe you don’t. Anyway, we almost got into a fight last year because I said I was better at playing than he was. He just got mad because I was right. I was better then and I’m still better now,” Tommy shrugs. Nikki’s never seen the marching band play, but he’s sure that Tommy’s right. About him being the best drummer, that is.

“So what about you, Nik? You play bass, tell me about it,” he says and takes a sip of his drink.

“I mean, I just started a couple years ago. I had an electric guitar for forever, but I traded it in for the bass. I uh, I taught myself. It’s kind of messy, and it isn’t perfect, but I can get through songs and stuff.” Tommy’s smiling as he listens, enjoying hearing Nikki talk about his interests.

“You’re cool, you know that?” Tommy says. Nikki smiles at his compliment and mutters a small thank you. “So, Sixx. What’s your favorite color?”

That kind of throws him off. It isn’t a complicated question by any means, he just wasn’t expecting one so… simple. He has to think about it for a second and decides, “Hmmm. Probably red. Yeah, red.”

“And why’s that?”

Nikki shrugs. “Red’s angry. And loud. I like it.”

“So it’s everything you aren’t,” Tommy points out. Nikki brushes it off with an eye roll, but deep down he knows Tommy’s right. “Red has more positive connotations than negative ones, so people are quick to assume it’s angry but it really isn’t,” he says.

Nikki quirks and eyebrows and leans back in his seat. “Where did you learn that?”

“Art class. Duh. I think it was on a day you either weren’t here or were asleep. Anyway, my favorite color is yellow. Why, you ask? Because it’s a happy color _and_ it just so happens to look absolutely perfect with my cheetah print pants.”

Nikki’s jaw drops. “You have cheetah print pants? You have got to be kidding,” he says, grabbing a chip from the basket on the table.

Tommy shakes his head, grinning. “I am absolutely _not_ kidding. Those bitches are skin tight, babe. I stole ‘em from my sister like, last summer. That’s probably why they’re so tight, actually. I don’t think she’s noticed yet, either.”

Nikki laughs at the thought of Tommy in those pants. He thinks it’s probably a ridiculous look that Tommy somehow manages to pull off.

“Do you have any ridiculous clothes?” Tommy asks, making air quotes around the word “ridiculous”, like he’s from a planet where having animal print on pants is normal.

He thinks. “I don’t think so. I mean I have a lot of dumb shirts, like this one,” he gestures at his shirt. “But I don’t think I have anything as crazy as cheetah pants. Or the pants you’re wearing. Do you just have a secret stash of really cool clothes?”

Tommy laughs and takes a sip of his drink. “Not yet. But one day, I will. I’ll be in magazines and shit, like _“Look at what this dumb motherfucker is wearing now!”_ Nikki chuckles at the idea of that headline splashed across a magazine. “For real, though,” Tommy says through a mouthful of nacho, “You’re telling me that you just have a closet of black clothes and absolutely nothing else?”

Nikki shakes his head no. He really doesn’t have anything that wild in his closet. “Do you think I have the money to support my wildest fashion dreams, Tommy?” he asks.

“Well, no, because you’re an unemployed high school student. But, if you did have the money, what would you get?”

Oh, that’s easy. “I think I would hire a costume designer,” he says, thinking about some of the stuff he’s drawn in his sketchbook.

“Ooh, a costume designer?” Tommy interjects.

“Shut up, let me finish. Anyway, I would hire someone like that and I would have them make me this ridiculous striped suit. Think like, Beetlejuice. Oh and the suit is all like one piece, head-to-toe. Coattails and everything. So basically, Beetlejuice but cooler.”

Tommy’s eyes widen and he grins. “That would be so fucking sick, man! Would it be skin tight?”

“I mean, I’m channeling some fucking hair band from the eighties, so of course it’s going to be skin tight. C’mon T-Bone, keep up.”

“Dude,” Tommy say, “That is the coolest fucking thing I have ever heard. You should absolutely get something like that.”

Nikki smiles and says, “Maybe one day.” Tommy thinks everything is cool, but that’s okay. Tommy is cool.

Their food comes out in the middle of them talking about Tommy’s possible ability to kick the drum captain’s ass. Somehow, they’ve circled back to this, and Tommy’s argument is that he’s taller and probably quicker than he is, to which Nikki reminds him that he doesn’t have the pent up anger needed to really win a fight.

“You’re too sunshine-y,” he says. “There’s no way you could kick his ass unless you’d probably had a really shitty day, or something. Plus, you have more to lose than gain. What if you do end up winning, but you get kicked out of band? You gotta think about it from multiple angles, Tom.”

“Aww,” Tommy coos, “Am I _your_ sunshine?”

“Really? Everything I just said and that’s what you hear?”

Tommy nods and smiles. Nikki rolls his eyes fondly. He might not be ready to admit it out loud yet, but Tommy’s not wrong. He really is Nikki’s sunshine.

\----

“Is there anywhere else you wanna go?” Nikki asks as he starts the car.

“I dunno,” Tommy buckles himself in. “If it’s okay, I should probably just go home. Vince and I are hanging out tomorrow. If that’s alright, with you, I mean?”

“What, that you and Vince hang out? I don’t own you, Tommy,” he replies, turning his head to make sure he’s good to back out.

“No, no, that isn’t what I meant. Like, is it alright if I just wanna go home?”

“Oh, yeah. That’s totally fine,” Nikki says. After dropping Tommy off, he’s probably just going to go home and clean his room. Or pass out again. Who knows.

The drive back to Tommy’s house is uneventful, filled with idle chat and the occasional laugh. When they arrive, the porch light is on. Nikki parks on the street and shuts the car off, silence settling over them.

He’s got a burning question for Tommy. He just doesn’t know if it’s the right time to ask.

“Hey,” Tommy says quietly, turning so that he can face Nikki. “I had a really nice time tonight. We should do this again. Like, another date.”

Nikki smiles. “I knew what you meant, dummy,” he says softly. He thinks fuck it, it is the right time. “Can I ask you something?”

“If it’s ‘do I want to go back to the mall next week and blow all my money in the Disney store?’, then the answer is yes. Everything else I need three to five business days to consider.” Tommy smiles and bounces his shoulders playfully. Nikki thinks he’s too cute for his own good.

“So uh, I really like you.”

“Yes. I like you lots and lots, too,” Tommy replies, a little more serious this time. He thinks he’s got a vague idea of where this is going.

“Okay, that’s good,” Nikki says, “Because uh. I don’t know how to ask this. I guess I’m just gonna ask? So, um, Tommy?” he pauses and takes a breath. “Would- do you want to um, be my boyfriend?”

Tommy’s quiet. The one time Nikki really needs him to say something, and he’s quiet. He feels so anxious he might just melt into a puddle in his own fucking car.

“Nikki, can I tell you something?” he finally asks. Well, this is it. He’s afraid Tommy might say no, but he tells Tommy yes anyway.

Tommy smiles and takes Nikki’s hand in his. “Of fucking _course_ I wanna be your boyfriend, Nikki. I was actually gonna ask you the same thing in a few days, to be honest.”

“So, does that mean we’re dating now?” Nikki asks.

“I guess so,” Tommy murmurs. They lean in and kiss each other softly, pulling back a moment later. It doesn’t feel real to him, yet. But if anyone’s counting, they’ve only been dating for about 30 seconds.

“Nikki?”

“Yeah, Tommy?”

“I still have your bear. You left him at my house.”

Nikki laughs softly, “I said you could keep him, remember?”

“Vaguely, actually, yes. I do remember now. Anyway that’s good you said I could keep him, because every time I see him I think of you. Remember when he used to just be my friend’s bear? Now he’s my boyfriend’s bear. What an upgrade,” Tommy laughs. “Wait!” he gasps.

“What? Is everything okay?” Nikki asks. Tommy jiggles the car door handle, trying to get out.

“I fucking forgot something. But it’s in my room. I gotta grab it, I’ll be right back,” Tommy says as he steps out, almost falling in the process. “Don’t drive off, or I will come to your house and bite you.”

“Bite me?”

“You heard me.” Tommy’s basically sprinting up the driveway to his house and throwing the door open. He doesn’t bother to close it as he runs up the stairs. In his room, he sees the stuffed cat sitting on his dresser. He grabs it and tucks it under his arm securely before running back to Nikki’s car.

“I uh,” he pauses, out of breath. “I got this for you.” He holds out the siamese cat, handing it to Nikki. Nikki lets out a small “aww” and hugs it.

“Consider this your first boyfriend gift,” Tommy says, still catching his breath. Jesus, he should exercise more.

“I love it,” Nikki says, still holding the cat. “I can’t believe you remembered I liked this movie.”

Tommy smiles proudly. “Of course I remembered. You said it was your favorite and you teared up when they did the little doggie spaghetti kiss!”

“It was cute, okay? And shut up, I don’t cry,” Nikki says, pushing Tommy’s shoulder.

“Whatever you say,” Tommy teases. He leans over and kisses Nikki sweetly, savoring this moment.

Nikki smiles and kisses Tommy again. “I’ll see you Monday, weirdo.”

“Yeah, Monday.” They kiss one more time for good measure. Before Tommy walks into his house, he turns around to wave bye to Nikki, blowing him a kiss. Nikki smiles and waves back. He doesn’t start his car again until Tommy’s inside and the light in his window turns on.

He’s a little giddy thinking about it. Having a boyfriend, that is. Nikki Sixx has a _boyfriend_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awww they're FINALLY together,, what took them so long


	15. News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooh time to tell tommy's parents :0

Tommy and Nikki have been dating for two weeks, three days. It feels kind of like they were dating even a little before now, but it wasn’t official, so he doesn’t count it. They’ve had not one, not two, but four impromptu makeout sessions over the last couple of weeks. Of course, it isn’t like Tommy is keeping count. He’s also switched to Nikki’s side of the table so they can hold hands in the middle of class.

As far as Tommy’s concerned, everything is perfect. It’s probably the best relationship he’s ever been in. He’s also decided that tonight is the night he tells his parents.

“So,” he says. “You excited for tonight?”

Nikki shrugs and steals a chip from Tommy’s bag. “I mean, sort of? I’m more anxious than anything.”

“But my parents like you. They’re not gonna freak out. Plus, when I came out to my mom last summer, she laughed and told me she already knew.” Tommy takes a bite of his sandwich.

“Yeah, but your parents are cool. I think my mom would fucking kick me out if she found out,” Nikki says. He steals another chip and wishes he had better parents.

Tommy frowns at him. “That’s fucked, dude.” He thinks about telling Nikki that he should move in with him, but he’s not sure how Nikki would take it. “Also, if you want, I can start bringing you lunch. That way you don’t have to eat out of the vending machines every day.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Nikki says. Yeah, they’re dating now, but it feels weird and greedy of him to ask for that.

“Are you sure?” Tommy looks skeptical. “My mom wouldn’t ask, if that’s what you’re worried about. And you aren’t being greedy if you ask for food, babe.”

Sometimes Nikki thinks Tommy can read minds. Or maybe he’s just an open book around Tommy.

“That would be nice. The lunch thing, I mean.”

Tommy smiles at him and leans over to place a kiss on his cheek. Nikki’s never felt this lucky to have someone in his life. It’s kind of - no, scratch that. It’s really fucking nice.

\----

The first thing that Nikki notices when they get to Tommy’s house is that his room is clean.

“Where is everything?” he asks, taking his shoes off.

Tommy tosses his backpack down in the corner and sits down to untie his shoes. “Oh, see, my mom hadn’t been in my room for like, three weeks. So when she came up here the other day to bring me dinner, ‘cause I was drumming, she saw what a mess it was. She told me that she,” he holds up a finger, “A, couldn’t believe it had gotten this bad.” He holds up another finger, “And B, that I was having my friend - that’s you, by the way - over while my room looked like this.” He stands up and sends a puff of air upwards, blowing his bangs out of his face.

“And here I was, thinking you just lived like that,” Nikki teases, sitting down next to Tommy’s bed. Tommy flips him off and sits across from him.

“So anyway, Nik-Nok. What should we do to kill time?” Tommy asks him. Nikki smiles at his new nickname and thinks that he should start a list of every pet name Tommy has ever called him. It would get pretty long, pretty fast.

“We could fistfight in your front yard,” he suggests casually. Tommy fixes him with a look that just screams _“what the fuck are you on?”_

“Don’t look at me like that,” he says, chuckling. “What do you propose we do?”

“Well, we could go ahead and tell my parents. You know, the whole “hi we’re dating” thing. That way we don’t have to do it at the dinner table.”

Nikki nods his head thoughtfully. “That’s not a bad idea. Are your parents even home? Wait, what about your sister? Does she know?”

“They will be in about twenty minutes. And, no,” he says. “Don’t worry, Athena won’t tell anyone though. She’s cool,” he quickly adds upon seeing Nikki’s worried expression.

He hums in response, playing with the strings on Tommy’s hoodie. He’s started wearing it every day. It’s almost like a security blanket for him now. He knows it’s stupid to think of it that way, but it feels like a hug from Tommy that lasts all day long.

“You fidget a lot,” Tommy states.

Nikki becomes very aware of the strings in his hand and drops them into his lap. “Uh, yeah. I guess so.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed about it, Nikki. I just noticed it.”

“Liar,” he says, eyes narrowed.

“Okay, so maybe I picked up on it a while ago. Still, it’s not like, a bad thing. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve only seen you fidget when you’re nervous.” Tommy says. He knows he’s right. He caught onto Nikki’s habit after knowing him for four days, it’s not like it’s hard to notice.

Nikki stares at him. “I mean, you aren’t wrong,” he says quietly. Why does he feel so embarrassed? It’s just a habit, he shouldn’t feel so exposed.

“Seriously, don’t feel weird about it.” He puts his hands on Nikki’s middle and tugs him until Nikki moves to sit in his lap. “I like you, Nikki. Your habits aren’t gonna scare me away, if that’s what you’re afraid of.” He murmurs and kisses the top of Nikki’s head. “Also, your hair smells nice.”

Nikki relaxes in Tommy’s embrace, feeling better. “Alright, weirdo. You’re very sweet, but quit smelling my head.”

“I refuse,” Tommy says. He then makes the loudest sniff that Nikki’s ever heard. He turns around to the best of his ability and lightly slaps Tommy’s cheek. It’s more of a pat than an actual hit, but he thinks he’s gotten the point across.

“You are disgusting and I hate you,” he laughs, settling back down into Tommy’s arms.

“I hate you too,” Tommy murmurs. They sit like that for a while, Nikki in Tommy’s lap, playing with his hands. He’s found that he loves Tommy’s hands. He loves how steady they are when he’s drawing or painting. He loves the feeling of Tommy’s calloused palm against his cheek, and the way his long, slender fingers play with his hair and dance about as he talks. He briefly wonders what they look like when he’s playing the drums.

They’re so wrapped up in each other that they’ve lost track of time, and there’s a knock at the door. Nikki stiffens in Tommy’s lap, hoping that whoever’s on the other side decides the door doesn’t have to open immediately.

“Tommy?” He recognizes it as Tommy’s dad, and relaxes a little.

“Yeah?” Tommy calls back. Nikki gets off of his lap and sits next to him, trying to look busy.

His door opens and Tommy’s dad steps in, waving hello to Nikki. “Dinner’s gonna be ready in about ten minutes. You boys coming down?”

“Uh, yeah. Give us a few minutes?” Tommy asks, standing up. He twists, cracking his back in the process. Nikki makes a face. “What?” he asks, confused.

“You continue to disgust me,” Nikki teases him.

“You really wanna break up, huh?” he retorts, crowding Nikki’s space. Nikki rolls his eyes and hugs Tommy, pressing a quick kiss to his neck. “So much for telling them before dinner, yeah?”

Nikki huffs out a laugh, “You mean cause we just broke up, or because we just sat there for like, an hour?”

Tommy rolls his eyes and holds out his hand. “Shut your mouth, you knew what I meant.”

Once they’re downstairs, Tommy flops on the couch, Nikki trailing closely behind him. “What’s for dinner?” Tommy asks over the back of the couch, craning his neck to look into the kitchen.

“Why don’t you come in here and find out, idiot?”

“Athena, I will literally fight you,” Tommy says, getting up, just as Nikki sits down.

He heads into the kitchen, leaving Nikki alone on the couch. Nikki’s not really sure what he’s supposed to do, so he just sits there with his hands in the kangaroo pocket. He wishes he had something to fiddle with while he waits for Tommy to come back.

He can hear them bantering in the kitchen, and he once again feels out of place. He starts to think about his own family’s dynamic versus Tommy’s. This type of arguing is more friendly to him. It’s still arguing, but it isn’t the yelling-and-throwing-things-at-the-wall type of arguing. They’re just siblings, being assholes to each other. This argument won’t stick with them for days afterward.

He starts to get a little sad then, thinking about how different they are, but then Tommy’s shouting, “Nikki! Come back me up, please!”

He turns around and raises an eyebrow, only to be met with Tommy staring at him like whatever’s going on should be obvious. He stands up and makes his way into the kitchen. “What’s going on?”

Athena points to Tommy. “This asshole has my pants!”

Tommy crosses his arms and rolls his eyes at her accusation. “Just because you lost your dumb pants, doesn’t mean I have them. And if I did, it wouldn’t be a big deal.”

She narrows her eyes at him. “And why is that?”

“Because they look so much better on me. Duh,” he shoots back. Ah. They must be talking about the cheetah pants. Nikki smiles and figures that Athena’s found out where they ended up. He briefly wonders if he can get Tommy to put them on and do a mini fashion show later.

“That’s enough, you two,” his mom interrupts. She walks by Nikki and sets a dish on the table. “Sit down.”

They grumble their own indignancies, but ultimately do as they’re told. As soon as her back is turned, Tommy flips Athena off. She flips him off right back, and Nikki smirks at Tommy’s disgruntled expression.

“How are you, Nikki?” his mother asks, stirring something in another dish.

“Uh, I’m alright. What about you?” He’s still standing in the doorway awkwardly, unsure of what to do with himself.

She smiles and brings a dish to the table. “Let’s just say I’m getting gray hairs,” she says, gesturing to her children. Nikki laughs and finally sits down next to Tommy. He and Athena are still teasing each other quietly, and Nikki’s content to sit there and listen.

Tommy’s parents join them shortly, and Nikki suddenly remembers the news. He tries not to worry about it, instead focusing on the food and chatter around him.

It’s interesting, he thinks, to listen to them talk. Tommy’s dad asks him about his grades and band, his mom talks about her life in Greece, and teases her kids about how easy they have it. Of course, they argue that things are different in America, but she holds her ground. It’s all very… normal. Tommy’s family is very, for lack of a better term, cookie cutter.

But in the same vein, they aren’t. Maybe they’re just cookie cutter to him because their house doesn’t reek of nicotine and family issues.

“So,” Tommy says when there’s a lull in the conversation. “I uh, I’ve got some news.”

“Really? Is it that you’re a thief?” Athena asks him.

“Would you drop it? I am not a thief, you cabbage. Just accept that you lost your pants,” he says and she glares at him. “ _Anyway_ , my news is that Nikki and I are, uh, we’re dating.”

The table is silent, and Nikki feels like he might just melt into a puddle of embarrassment.

“I KNEW IT!” Athena yells, pointing at them. She’s got a wild grin on her face, and Tommy just shrugs it off.

He rolls his eyes and says, “No you did not.”

“Did too,” she argues back. “I knew it, as soon as he came over the first time!”

“Either way,” Tommy’s mom interjects, “That’s wonderful, for both of you. She smiles at both of them.

“Finally, some goddamn acceptance around here,” Tommy says. There’s a quiet “Language,” from his dad, and Tommy mutters a sheepish apology.

“I just said I knew it,” his sister says and takes a bite of her chicken. Tommy tells her to shut up, and dinner resumes as normal.

Nikki isn’t sure why he was so worried about it. Tommy told him his parents were cool. He guesses he’s just projecting his own worries about what would happen if his mom did happen to find out. Nothing good, that’s for sure. He tries not to think about it, instead opting to focus on the conversation happening right now.

The rest of dinner continues smoothly, and Nikki offers to help clean up. Tommy’s mom gladly accepts and she waits to talk to him until everyone has left the kitchen. In the other room, he can hear Tommy and Athena talking to each other, but not well enough to make out what they’re saying.

“You’re wearing his jacket,” she states, turning off the hot water. She looks knowingly at him, a kind smile on her face.

“Oh. Um. Yeah? I can give it back to him if you, uh, want me to,” he stammers. Is it bad that he’s wearing Tommy’s hoodie? Oh god, what if she thinks they’re already fucking?

She chuckles and sets a pot in the sink. “No, no. I was just saying. Anyway, Tommy talks about you all the time. He’s lucky to have you, Nikki.”

He smiles, looking down at the counter. “I’m lucky to have him, too.”

\----

Later that night, long after Tommy has fallen asleep, Nikki finds himself staring at the ceiling. His mind is wandering, mostly thinking about Tommy. He thinks that maybe he should text Mick, tell him what’s been going on. They haven’t really talked about Tommy since that first time, and Nikki feels kind of guilty about it. Mick _is_ his friend, after all.

He texts him a simple hey, and waits on a response. His phone buzzes a moment later, Mick returning the greeting.

Nikki sends him, _“So you remember when I said I hated Tommy?”_

 _“Are you together?”_ Mick’s response is fast, almost like Tommy’s responses. Of course, it’s 2 AM. What else is there to do?

 _“Perhaps…”_ He adds the sideways eyes emoji, letting the message speak for itself. Tommy’s obviously rubbing off on him. He used to not use emojis, claiming they were for middle schoolers who lived off hot cheetos. And now look at him.

 _“So you’re just gonna leave me out of the loop? I see how it is.”_ Mick sends back.

 _“No no it isn’t like that asshole. You know how stubborn I am. Basically we had a “fake” date and then a real date and now we’re dating and we just told his parents.”_ He leaves it at that, figuring he’ll tell Mick about all the details later.

Mick sends back, _“Knew it.”_ Ah, Mick. Short and simple, straight to the point. Just like always. He yawns, finally feeling a little tired. He sets his phone down and thinks about how far he’s come - from hating Tommy to sleeping with him. Wait, that sounded wrong. Not like he’s opposed to it, but they just started dating. He doesn’t need to worry about that right now. Instead, he closes his eyes and snuggles into Tommy’s chest.

Honestly, he really is lucky to have Tommy. Tommy’s the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> every time i think about tommy's room i instantly think of the "damn bitch you live like this?" meme and honestly
> 
> yeah


	16. Moon Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is kinda short. it feels kind of like filler to me but it really isn't,, smh

_“He’s lucky to have you, Nikki.”_

Her words ring in his ears. It’s been several days since Nikki had dinner at Tommy’s house, and her words are still bouncing around in his head like the DVD screensaver. He’s not sure why they’re sticking with him so vividly. Maybe it’s because he felt like he was the one lucky to have Tommy, but it turns out it goes both ways.

Right now, though, he’s laying in bed and trying to sleep. He’s been tossing and turning for the better part of two hours, and he’s certainly not pleased. He just wants to get enough sleep so that he’s not rushing to get to school. Hell, he just wants to be able to go to sleep at a reasonable time. Is that too much to ask?

He sighs and picks up his phone, only to see he’s got a message from Tommy. Tommy has started sending him goodnight texts, but those are reserved for when he actually goes to sleep. Right now, it’s 1 AM, and his message is five minutes old.

It reads; _“hi boyfriend i can't sleep”_

Nikki smiles and types his response out. _“Me neither”_

_“call meeee. I miss u :(”_

His response is quick, but Nikki’s learned that Tommy’s basically glued to his phone. Well, either that or he doesn’t ignore notifications. Also, there’s probably not much else that he’s doing right now.

_“You just saw me like, five hours ago”_ he sends back.

_“too long!! call me”_

Nikki smiles and sits up. He scrolls through his contacts and finds Tommy quickly. He raises his phone to his ear and waits.

Tommy picks up on the first ring. “Hi!” he whispers excitedly through the phone.

“Hey there. Why are you up?” he asks. It’s normal for Nikki to be up right now. Tommy, though? Not so much.

“I dunno. Probably ‘cause I drank a red bull like, three hours ago. This caffeine has got me zazzed, Nikki. I’m ready to zoom, baby!”

Nikki rubs his temple and smiles. “You’re ridiculous,” he says. “What do you want me to do?”

“I dunno. I was hoping you would have an idea. Right now my plan is: you come to my house, hit me in the head really hard, and knock me out. What you do after that, I dunno. It’s up to you,” Tommy says it like it’s a foolproof plan.

Nikki laughs and sighs. “I would prefer to maybe not do that, T-Bone. I might give you brain damage. I mean, you’ve heard of concussions, right?”

“You make a solid point.” He hears Tommy sigh and suck his teeth as he thinks. “I’m just really fucking tired. How do you do this every night? Oh, wait, I have a question.”

“What’s up?” Nikki rolls onto his stomach and props himself up with his elbows.

“Okay so after you left I asked my mom about buying you lunch and shit, and she said yes. I mean, I knew she was going to say yes, but whatever. Anyway, what do you like to eat?”

Nikki smiles softly to himself. He knows he shouldn’t be surprised by Tommy or his mom’s genorosity, but he’s still kind of floored.

“How about I’ll text you a list?” he asks. Tommy tells him that’s fine, and there’s silence between them for a couple moments.

“What if I just talked to you?” Nikki suddenly suggests. He’s not too sure what he’s gonna talk about, but he knows it’s an idea Tommy would probably like.

“Oh, yeah!” Tommy exclaims and then whispers, “Oh, shit. Oops. I didn’t mean to be that loud. Hopefully I didn’t wake anyone up. We’re a bunch of light sleepers over here.”

Nikki nods, even though no one can see him. “I wish I was a light sleeper. Did you know I’ve been late for first period like, eighteen times so far this semester? It’s only October! My teacher hates me.”

“God knew you would be too powerful if you woke up with your alarms,” Tommy teases.

“Is that so?” Nikki asks. “Didn’t you skip last Thursday because you woke up at like, noon?”

Tommy laughs again. “I mean, yeah. You got me on that one. But listen, there was no point in me coming to school. The day was almost over!”

“Right, but you still made me come over after school and give you like, a million kisses,” he points out.

“I didn’t hear you complaining,” Tommy retorts. Nikki smiles and shifts so that he’s propped up against his pillows.

“Maybe I wanted to kiss you, dumbass,” he says.

There’s a pause, and Nikki wonders if maybe he said something wrong. Then, he hears, “I wanna kiss you right now.” He can see the pout on Tommy’s face so clearly, and he has to hold back a laugh. Sometimes Tommy acts like he hasn’t been kissed in days. But Nikki doesn’t mind Tommy’s want (or need) for affection. He never minds.

Instead, he smiles and twirls a strand of hair around his finger, briefly comparing himself to a lovesick teenager in a shitty movie. He makes a face at himself and says, “I know, baby. I wanna kiss you too. But think about it, we’ll see each other Monday, right? Because I’m gonna pick you up and we’re gonna get coffee before school. It’s gonna be great.”

“It’s gonna be great,” Tommy repeats. He sounds tired for sure, and Nikki feels a little bad that he can’t sleep. He’s always been a night owl himself, so staying up until the sun rises isn’t anything new.

“‘M gettin’ sleepy. Keep talking,” he mumbles. Nikki hears him yawn.

“What do you wanna hear me talk about?” he asks. In their brief silence, he can hear the creak of the front door opening, and the click of it shutting “Wait, shh.” He shushes and holds the phone to his shoulder so that he can hear. His door is cracked, so he has some idea of what’s going on downstairs.

“I think my mom is home” he whispers as he lifts the phone back up to his ear. There are two voices downstairs, one belonging to his mother, the other to an unknown man. Nikki doesn’t give a shit, as long as they leave him alone.

He hears them walking upstairs, their voices getting closer. Not wanting to make too much noise, he stays sitting up and hopes and prays that they don’t make a wrong turn. It’s happened before, some drunk stumbling into his room for whatever reason. That’s a big part of the reason he keeps his door locked now. He waits for them to go into his mother’s room before speaking again.

“Alright, sorry. You’re good. My mom is home with some one-night stand. So, what do you want me to talk about?”

“I dunno. Tell me about,” there’s a pause, and he hears something rustling in the background. “Sorry, I was laying back down. Tell me about your bear.”

“You mean the bear that you stole from me?”

“Shut your whore mouth. You said I could have him. And yes, the bear that you _gave_ to me and I’m currently holding right now.” His voice is soft, and Nikki smiles, thinking of Tommy sleeping with his bear every night. He thinks that he wants to sleep with Tommy every night.

“Well,” he starts, “I’ve had him since I was little, like, since I was a baby. My grandma got him for me when I was born. And anyway, I used to have a decent amount of stuffed animals, but they’re all pretty much gone now. I donated them all a few years ago, when I cleaned out my room, but he’s the only one who stayed. Until you stole him, and don’t interrupt, I know you said you could have him,” he pauses and hears Tommy laugh.

“You knew I was gonna correct you, asshole.”

“Pfft, shut up. You’re predictable. Like I was saying, I slept with him almost every night before I gave him to you. I guess that’s about it, it’s not a very interesting story.”

He hears Tommy yawn again, and keeps talking.

“Well, actually. I’ve had to sew him up on three different occasions, and I had to redo his mouth because all the thread came out. He’s kinda been through it.”

Tommy goes “Awww,” softly, and Nikki’s heart melts a little bit. “He’s kinda like you.”

“What?” Nikki asks, thrown off guard.

“He’s kinda beat up, and he isn’t perfect, but he’s still great and soft and huggable. He’s just like you. I mean, his ears are kinda thin, but like, I haven’t really seen your ears up close. Or maybe I have. Either way, this bear is you and you are this bear.”

Over time, Nikki has started to find Tommy’s rambling much more endearing, rather than annoying. Just like fidgeting is one of Nikki’s characteristics, rambling is one of Tommy’s.

“You alright, Nikki? You’re kinda quiet over there,” Tommy sounds worried, like maybe he might’ve upset Nikki.

“No, no, I’m alright. Don’t worry. You just, uh, you make some pretty astute observations, babe,” he says. And Tommy’s right, he and the bear are pretty similar.

Tommy yawns again, and Nikki wonders if he’ll ever fall asleep.

“So,” Tommy says, “I think I’m gonna try and sleep now. Thanks for talking to me, Moon Boy.”

“Moon Boy?” Nikki raises an eyebrow, wondering where the hell Tommy got _that_ one from.

“Duh, because you like being up at night. You said you’re a night owl, right? Well, I’m not gonna call you a bird, ‘cause that’s weird. So, Moon Boy it is,” he explains, like it’s supposed to be obvious.

Nikki smiles at his new nickname. “Ah, I see. Anyway, g’night Sunshine Boy. I’ll see you Monday.”

“Aww,” Tommy coos. “I like that. Goodnight. See you then.”

Nikki waits just a second before hanging up, making sure neither he nor Tommy have any last minute thoughts. As he clicks end, he yawns himself. He turns his phone brightness all the way down and grabs blindly for his charger. Once it’s plugged in, he slides it under his pillow and turns towards the wall.

He thinks he might be able to achieve his goal of actually sleeping tonight, and pulls his covers tighter around him. He closes his eyes, right before he hears the creak of a floorboard right outside his door. At first he chalks it up to the house settling, but then he hears the definite sound of footsteps walking away from his door.

A sense of dread fills him from within, and with no exaggeration, he’s terrified. He thinks that there’s no way his mom would spy on him. Sure, she might be just a little batshit crazy, but he thinks that even she wouldn’t eavesdrop on his conversations. At least, hopefully not. He isn’t too sure though - those footsteps sounded a tad too familiar for his liking.

He closes his eyes again and hopes that it’s just the man she brought home. Maybe he just got lost on the way to the bathroom. He just got lost and almost walked into Nikki’s room, that’s all.

That’s gotta be it, right? _Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol rip nikki i guess


	17. Frankie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's another short one and all i'm gonna say is hoo boy

When Nikki first wakes up, it’s peaceful. His fan is on, he’s covered in his blankets, and the sun is peeking through his curtains. It’s basically everything needed for a perfect morning. (Minus Tommy, of course.) He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and looks at the clock.

_3:00 PM_

Well, everything for a perfect afternoon.

Of course, nothing pleasant ever lasts long, because he suddenly remembers his conversation with Tommy last night, and more importantly - whoever was eavesdropping on him. The all too familiar sense of dread and anxiety fills him as he scrubs a hand down his face.

He thinks that maybe if he stays in bed long enough, he’ll just die here, and then he won’t have to go down and face her. But he knows that won’t happen. He knows that he’ll go downstairs, they’ll yell and scream at each other, he’ll come back up here, cry, and take a depression nap. It’s basically a routine now. A fucked up routine, that is.

Sighing, he swings his legs over the bed and stands up. He stretches up towards the ceiling, his shirt riding up and exposing a thin strip of his belly. He casts a brief look at Tommy’s hoodie and decides to fold it up and stash it in his closet, lest his mom come in here to yell at him and see it.

As he pads down the stairs softly, he hears two voices. Jesus, is her one night stand gonna live with them now or what? Nikki just rolls his eyes and thinks about telling him to get the fuck out. After all, he’s got nothing to lose.

Well, except Tommy.

As he turns into the kitchen, he sees Deana standing there with her “new man.” She’s got a lit cigarette in one hand, and a drink in the other.

She sees him and stares for a second, ultimately deciding to say nothing and continue on with her conversation.

Maybe she wasn’t eavesdropping on him, after all. Maybe it was just the guy and he got lost. Maybe today won’t be so bad, and he’s just worried about nothing. He opens the fridge and ducks down, in search of something edible. The kitchen falls silent as he rummages around, and he can feel them staring.

He finally finds what he’s looking for and is about to close the fridge when he hears: “Are you a fag, Frankie?”

Deana is staring at him now, waiting for some kind of a reaction. He briefly compares her to a T-Rex in his head, and almost laughs at the thought.

His fingers tighten around the handle as he stands up and closes the door. “No,” he says, trying to keep a neutral expression. “Why do you ask?”

She takes a puff of her cigarette and looks down at him, even though he’s taller than her. He hates that shit. It makes him feel small, weak, and worthless. All feelings he’s unfortunately accustomed to.

“Well, I only ask because I heard your phone call last night.”

Nikki’s blood runs cold and it feels like time just stopped. If the air wasn’t tense already, it sure is now. The kitchen is dead silent, he and Deana just staring at each other.

“And?”

She steps towards him and takes another drag, blowing the smoke directly at him. “And I heard your conversation. I heard you calling him babe, darling, sweetheart. You know, things like that? Unless that’s just how you talk to your friends, and that just makes you a whore.”

“You don’t even know who I was talking to,” he rolls his eyes at her flawed logic and tries to walk past her, hoping she’ll just drop it. The joke’s on her anyway. He doesn’t have any friends. Well, Mick and Tommy, but that’s beside the point. She grabs his shoulder and makes him turn back around to face her.

“Then who’s your Sunshine _Boy_ , Frankie?” she asks, voice dripping with spite.

Nikki feels heat rise to his cheeks, and he thinks he might just lose his fucking mind. “So what if it is a boy? What the fuck are you gonna do about it? It’s none of your goddamn business,” he spits back, eyes narrowed.

The man finally steps away from the counter and points at Nikki. “Don’t you talk to her like that, boy. Show your mother some respect.”

Nikki turns towards him, “Who the fuck even are you?” he asks. “Don’t you have somewhere else to be?” He thinks it’s awfully bold of him to try and boss Nikki around. Doesn’t he know? Nikki stopped giving a shit about all his new “stepdads” a long time ago. Nothing he says is going to make Nikki apologize to his so-called mother.

“Frankie, that’s enough,” she interjects, now looking exasperated.

“That’s not my name,” he mutters. “Stop fucking calling me that,” he says, a little louder this time.

“Excuse me? What makes you think you can talk to me like that?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he asks angrily. “I have asked you for the last like, _year_ to call me by my fucking name! And yet, you fucking refuse! You named me after my deadbeat father! And in case you needed the reminder, he _left_! I don’t understand why you won’t just call me Nikki!” he pauses to take a breath, but he’s far from done.

“And another thing, why do you even give a shit if I _am_ dating a boy? You’ve never given a shit about me before! Why is this so much different?”

“Frankie, I-”

“Shut up!” he yells. “I’m not fucking finished.”

Deana looks at him, her mask crumbling. She almost looks scared of him.

“You think me dating a boy will just be a _big fuckin’ embarrassment,_ isn’t that right? You think that everyone around town is gonna start talkin’ about little old Frankie Junior being a fag, yeah? Well guess fucking what - no one gives a shit! No one gives a shit if I’m gay, no one gives a shit that you’re my mother. You’re a fucking embarrasment to yourself. You don’t need me for that.”

He’s beyond pissed, he’s seething, his words dripping with years of anger and frustration.

The kitchen is silent again, he and his mother glaring daggers at each other.

“He’s gonna leave you,” she says, like it’s just a matter of time before it happens.

“What?” He’s speaking more softly now, and he feels a sense of dread creeping up and settling in his stomach, replacing the hatred and anger that was just there.

She plasters a fake smile on her face and steps into his personal bubble once more. “Tommy’s gonna leave you. We both know he’s gonna see you for what you are eventually, right? A worthless piece of shit who won’t even go by his real name. He’s gonna leave you just like your father did. Can’t you see that, Frankie?” she places a hand on his cheek and he jerks away, repulsed by her touch.

“He left _you_ ,” he says, voice shaky.

“If he left me, then how come he never calls? How come he never wishes you happy birthday, or comes to see how you’re doing? Can you tell me that? Why hasn’t he made the effort to see his son?”

Hot tears suddenly fill his eyes, and threaten to spill over. He has to bite the inside of his lip to make them go away. “Fuck you,” he says, walking past her. “ _Fuck you!_ ”

He races up the steps and goes into his room, slamming the door. He searches frantically for his keys, phone, and wallet. Once he finds them, he shoves them in his pockets haphazardly. His hand is about to twist the door handle when he suddenly remembers Tommy’s hoodie.

Grabbing it out of the closet, he pulls it on. After everything that’s just happened, he doesn’t care what she thinks. Hell, she probably wouldn’t even notice. Walking back downstairs, he looks into the kitchen.

Deana is crying, and the random guy is first of all, still here, and second, he’s hugging her, rubbing her back. _Good_ , he thinks. Fuck her, and her new boyfriend. They can both rot.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve showing your-” the man says, glaring daggers at Nikki. Well, he’s trying, but it’s more of a squint. Nikki thinks it’s fucking pathetic.

“Let me stop you right there,” he interrupts. “Fuck you,” he points at the man, and then his mother. “Fuck her. You can both fuck off,” he makes his way to the front door. “There’s gonna be another you tomorrow anyway,” he adds before wrenching the door open and slamming it behind him.

He’s barely in his car before he lets out a tearless sob.

He waits and calms down a bit before starting the car. If he’s gonna have a breakdown, he probably shouldn’t have it right in front of his house. He starts driving with no particular destination in mind, his only goal to get as far away from her as possible. His mother’s words ring in his ears, digging into his brain like a fucking parasite. His head is spinning and he thinks that maybe he shouldn’t be driving when he’s so upset.

 _Fuck,_ he thinks. _What the hell am I gonna do now?_

Well, he actually does know what he’s going to do. It isn’t a good thing, but it has to happen. Sighing, he picks up his phone and dials Tommy.

He has the very strong feeling that he’s about to ruin Tommy’s afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he's about to ruin tommy's entire week huh


	18. We Need to Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is,, so short but i do not care it gets the point across
> 
> also meant to upload yesterday but i straight up forgot oops

Nikki’s sitting in Tommy’s driveway, waiting to tell him he’s here. Before he has time to decide on getting out or just driving away, Tommy is coming out and bounding towards him. He leans down to see Nikki better.

“Hey! I missed you. I know we called last night, but like, what can I say?” he’s grinning, eyes bright, and Nikki feels horrible. “Are you getting out, or?” he prompts, a little unnerved by Nikki’s silence.

“Uh, sorry, you can get in.” He unbuckles himself and takes off Tommy’s hoodie, setting it in the passenger seat.

Tommy quirks an eyebrow, confused. He gets in anyway, wondering what’s going on. Nikki hasn’t looked at him once, instead opting to stare out at the lawn.

“Nik, are you good? Is everything okay?” he asks softly, reaching out to touch Nikki’s arm.

“We need to talk,” is all he says. Tommy’s heart rate seems to double, and he retracts his hand.

“About what? Are you alright?” he asks cautiously, worried that he’s upset Nikki in some way.

“It’s just that I, um, I’ve been thinking,” he says, finally looking at Tommy. That somehow makes it worse, because Nikki’s eyes are filled with sadness. Tommy has a very strong sense of where this is going, and he’s considering getting out of the car and leaving before Nikki can even start.

He finally manages to respond, his voice shaky. “About?”

“I think, I just, I think that maybe,” he sighs and looks back out across the yard. “Look, I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. I think we should break up.”

“What? Nikki, man, c’mon. We were fine last night! Did I do something wrong? What did I do? Nikki I’m sorry if I said or did something that upset you just please tell me so I can-”

Nikki holds up a hand and Tommy falls silent. “It isn’t you Tommy.”

Tommy rolls his eyes, feeling kind of irked. “Is this an _it’s not you it’s me_ situation? Because if so, you’re a fucking liar. Do you know how many times I’ve heard that?” He’s more along the lines of pissed now, to be honest.

“Yeah, it sort of is. Listen, and don’t interrupt me. This has been great, it really has. But I’m a fuck-up, Tommy. You don’t want me. You don’t want _this_. I’m a fucking mess, and I don’t want you to waste your time picking up the pieces every time I break. I mean, what are you gonna do if my mental health takes a turn and I wanna like, kill myself? Do you even know how to handle that? Actually, fuck that, it isn’t your responsibility to know how to deal with that kind of shit. I mean, I’m like, one argument away from getting kicked out by my mom. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re the exact opposite of me, Tommy. I’ll never be able to give you what you want. I mean, you’re eventually gonna see that I’m not worth it, right? You’re just gonna leave me in the end.”

Tommy feels himself tear up as Nikki speaks, his heart shattering with every word.

“Nikki, I-” he stops himself. The look on Nikki’s face tells him it’s not even worth it. He’s already made up his mind. Instead he just nods. “Yeah. Whatever, I get it.” He grabs his jacket and gets out of the car, not bothering to look back as he walks towards his house.

Nikki watches him walk away, feeling his own heart break into a million little pieces.

He drives back to his house in silence, trying to rationalize the breakup with himself. It had to be done, right? It was only going to end up in heartbreak, so better to get it over with now. Just rip off the bandaid, deal with the hurt, and move on.

Hell, there shouldn’t even be that much hurt - they only dated for like, a month!

So why _does_ it hurt so much?

\---

Once Tommy’s back inside and safely in his room, he breaks down. Nikki’s words play over and over again in his head like a broken record. He sits on the edge of his bed, staring at the floor as tears flow down his face freely.

_“I think we should break up. I think we should break up. I think we should break up.”_

He can’t help but wonder what he did wrong. Seriously, what did he do wrong? He sniffles, reaching for a tissue. He throws it on the floor when he’s done, too upset to walk across the room. He stares at his hoodie near the doorway and sniffs again, feeling more tears rushing to the surface.

Is it because he’s clingy? Or is it because he likes PDA and likes to hold hands and cuddle and do everything that couples do? Oh, god, what if he started rushing things and he scared Nikki away?

Maybe that’s it. Almost every single girlfriend he’s had said he was clingy, or that he said I love you too early, or it was some other thing he did wrong. He doesn’t understand why he falls in love so fast, he can’t help it.

He stares at Nikki’s bear, fresh tears springing to his eyes. Part of him thinks that maybe he’s just being dramatic. They only dated for a little while, why is he acting like he’s just been served divorce papers? The bear stares back at him with lifeless eyes, and Tommy turns away, blinking away the tears. That’s what his relationship is, now. Cold, dead, lifeless. It doesn’t exist anymore.

Why didn’t he fight Nikki on it? Nikki said that Tommy didn’t want this, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Tommy _does_ want this. He wants Nikki so much it hurts. Why is it so hard for Nikki to see that Tommy wants him, that Tommy cares about him?

He sighs, wiping his nose with his sleeve. Laying down, he stares at the ceiling, silent tears slipping down his face. He tries to think of anything but Nikki, but he can’t.

No matter how hard he tries, he just keeps seeing Nikki, hearing his voice and his laugh. Fuck, man. Tommy thinks that maybe he is better off alone. If he’s not dating anyone, he can’t get his heart broken anymore.

Maybe being single for a while isn’t such a bad idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor tommy AND nikki


	19. Art Sucks Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i have nothing to say that won't give anything away,, enjoy

On Monday, Tommy is nowhere to be found and Nikki has bitten his fingernails down as far as he possibly could. His anxious habits have moved beyond just playing with the strings of his hoodie, and probably not for the better.

How was his weekend? Well, it was great. For starters, he got in a fight with his mom. Then, he let her words fester and he ended up breaking up with his boyfriend. After that, he went and got absolutely smashed in his room, because it’s not like Deana would notice the empty bottles. She wasn’t even home. He ended up sleeping through most of Sunday until he woke up at dinner time and realized what he’d done, with the bonus of a splitting headache. As consolation, he went to McDonald’s and ate three cheeseburgers in his car like a rat.

Overall, it was quite the weekend. Possibly one for the books, if you asked him.

But none of that matters, because the bell rang five minutes ago, and it isn’t like Tommy to be absent. Late, yes. But absent? No.

He curses inwardly, reminding himself that he doesn’t have to look for Tommy anymore. They broke up. Well, he broke up with Tommy. He sighs, tapping his pencil on the table. Tommy isn’t his responsibility, or whatever the word is - he can’t think of it, anymore. If Tommy doesn’t show, it isn’t his problem. He doesn’t have to worry.

Their assignment today is to draw or paint something that reminds them of love. He rolled his eyes when he read the board, and thinks that maybe he just won’t do anything today.

Love. He scoffs at the word and chews on the end of his pencil. What does he know about love?

Absolutely nothing, apparently.

——

Tuesday. The same thing - the bell rings, still no Tommy.

Nikki sighs, staring at the empty space across from him. Not like he cares, of course. At least, that’s what he tells himself. They broke up. It’s not a big deal. Tommy will be back, he’s probably just sick. He’ll be back tomorrow, right?

Wrong. Tommy’s at home, too upset to get out of bed. He’s gone through two boxes of tissues in the span of four days. His heart is shattered, and he feels like he might never love again. Sure, he’s being a little dramatic. Sue him. He just really fucking misses Nikki, alright?

Wonderful, thoughtful, quiet Nikki. The same Nikki who broke up with him. The sweet, sometimes grumpy Nikki who broke his heart. His eyes well up with tears, and he hastily wipes them away, tired of crying. It feels like a sick joke, honestly. His whole life had sort of become Nikki, and now he’s not there at all. It’s like being stabbed, but then the knife gets ripped out, so it’s even worse. Wait, does that mean he likes the thought of being stabbed? No, that doesn’t sound right. There’s got to be another metaphor, right?

He sighs. His whole body feels sore, but maybe that’s because he’s only been out of bed to use the bathroom and sneak into the kitchen to grab the entire thing of Oreos and eat it in one sitting. He hasn’t told his parents about the breakup yet, but he gets the feeling they know. The lack of energy on his part is probably telling enough.

Plus, they haven’t even bothered him about going to school. Maybe they just think he’s sick.

He yawns, reaching for his phone. He’s got a bunch of unread messages, and he scrolls through them. Is he subconsciously looking for one from Nikki? Maybe.

 _“Hey dipshit where are you?? I’m bored.”_ That one is from Vince.

 _“Tommy! I have gossip!! Also, I miss you. You’ve been spending all your time with Nikki :(”_ From Heather.

She’s got a point, he had been spending all his time with Nikki. Maybe he’ll ask Heather if she wants to hang out this weekend. After all, it isn’t like he’s got plans. The rest of his notifications are all from various social medias and games, none of them important. At the very bottom of the list, there’s a text from Nikki.

_“Hi. I know you hate me now but I just wanted to say art sucks without you.”_

He finds himself clicking on it, his fingers hovering over the keyboard. Reading the message again and again, he wonders if he should respond to it. Instead, he opts to leave him on read. It isn’t worth it.

—-

It’s Thursday when Tommy shows back up to class. Nikki looks at him and can’t help but smile as Tommy sits down across from him in his old spot. Tommy ignores him, pulling his sketchbook out and only looking up to look at the board.

Nikki thinks it’s an odd role reversal. Tommy being so quiet and indifferent to the world around him is like looking into a mirror and seeing himself. It’s very uncharacteristic of him, but Nikki knows who’s to blame for that.

He hates this tension between them, so Nikki says, “So, uh. What do you-”

“I’m trying to work.” If looks could kill, Nikki would be dead.

Oh. That’s how it’s gonna be, then. Nikki supposes he deserves it. He did break up with Tommy less than a week ago, after all. It makes sense that Tommy’s mad at him. He looks back down at his own drawing and frowns.

They spend the class in silence, eerily reminiscent of those first few weeks back in August. When the bell rings, Tommy’s one of the first ones out of class. Nikki frowns as he walks away, feeling like maybe he’s fucked things up between them. And, it’s not the “oh we can work this out down the line” kind of fucked up. It’s more along the lines of “don’t talk to me ever again or I’ll hit you with my car” kind of fucked up.

He scrubs a hand down his face and sighs. As he walks to his next class, he wonders why he has to go and mess up everything good that comes his way. He also misses the feeling of Tommy’s hand in his.

\----

At home, he’s sitting at his desk, idly spinning in his chair. He’s thinking about the breakup, moreso what he said to Tommy.

_“You don’t want this.”_

Maybe it was kind of shitty of him to assume what Tommy wanted. But he knows he was right when he talked about how different they were. Nikki will never be able to give him what he wants. But then, he thinks, how can he say that? Tommy’s never really talked about what he wants for his future. Well, outside of being a rockstar, and he wasn’t even being serious then.

He tugs at a couple strands of hair in frustration. They were happy and everything was going great. Shit, Nikki was starting to think that maybe he could finally say it, say that he loved Tommy.

But that’s ridiculous. You can’t say you love someone a month into dating them, and you certainly don’t love someone you broke up with because you thought they couldn’t handle you.

He could say that his mom was right, Tommy would’ve ended up leaving him anyway. It just would’ve been a matter of time. He tries to convince himself that he made the right decision, that it was just best to get a potentially painful break up over and done with.

He just has to focus on himself. At the end of the day, he’s the only one who’s going to be there for himself. Not Tommy, not anyone else. Himself.

\----

At home, Tommy keeps opening and closing his messages. It’s more out of habit, than anything. He so desperately wants to talk to Nikki, but he knows he can’t. Nikki wants nothing to do with him, and he can understand that.

It isn’t fair, he thinks. Why isn’t Nikki just as hurt as him? He feels like he’s the only one upset. Maybe Nikki just used him. Like, he could get all close with Tommy, and then rip his heart out and stomp all over it so he’ll finally leave Nikki alone. Tommy feels like maybe he should congratulate him, if he really was just playing the long game. Because if he was, he did a damn good job.

After all, it’s almost Thanksgiving. Yeah, it took him forever, but he did it. He finally got Tommy to shut the fuck up.

Maybe he should’ve just left Nikki alone the first time he asked. If he had done that, he wouldn’t be curled up in bed cradling the teddy bear of a failed relationship. He feels hot tears prick at the corners of his eyes, and he sighs, so utterly exhausted of crying. He wipes them away with his sleeve, and sees his phone light up.

Jeez, what now? Can’t people let him mourn his failures in peace?

_“Hey.”_

It’s Nikki. He’s texted Tommy almost every day since their breakup, and Tommy feels a swell of anger in his chest. How can Nikki act like nothing has changed? How dare he text Tommy like he didn’t take what they had, rip it up, and spit on it. He broke up with Tommy in his own fucking driveway, and he has the audacity to text him _“Hey.”_

What a fucking asshole. Tommy leaves him on read and sets his phone down angrily. He tosses the bear across the room for good measure, hearing it thunk against the wall. He curls up into a ball, wishing everyone would just leave him alone.

Of course, he can never have anything nice, because his phone buzzes again. He picks it up and wipes his eyes roughly. His vision is still a little blurry, but he can make out what the message says well enough.

_“Can we talk?”_

Tommy’s an odd mix of angry and confused. Nikki broke up with him. Why does he want to talk? Without taking too much time to think about it, he sends back, _“About what?”_

He briefly considers sending him an angry paragraph, but maybe it would be best delivered in person. The three dots appear and disappear as Nikki is typing out his answer.

_“I just want to talk. Meet me at the playground at 6?”_

He should tell him no. He should tell him to fuck off, that he doesn’t want anything to do with him. But he doesn't.

_“Fine.”_

Fuck it. What’s getting his heart stomped on one more time going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i realize halfway through editing this chapter that there's been really no timeline for this?? perhaps,,
> 
> anyway it's like mid-november now oopsies
> 
> anyway there's 3 chapters left i guess it's time for me to brainstorm something new
> 
> update as of 7.14: i now have an idea but it'll be a while before you guys see anything. but keep an eye out! :)


	20. Rollercoaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't have anything to say but it feels weird to not have top and bottom notes

Tommy’s pulling into the parking lot at 6:10, because what’s being ten minutes late going to hurt? Nikki, on the other hand, has been anxiously waiting in his car since 5:30, planning out what he’s going to say.

Nikki gets out first and sits on the closest bench. Tommy gets out of his van soon after, leaning against the nose. He doesn’t feel like sitting next to Nikki. He doesn’t even really feel like being here, but something told him to come anyway.

“Hey,” Nikki says, giving him a weak wave. Tommy just stares at him, looking bored. Nikki feels his insides twist, and wonders if maybe he made a mistake asking Tommy to talk.

“What do you want to talk about?” He’s not interested in small talk. Tommy briefly considered blowing Nikki off, but he decided not to at the last minute.

Nikki runs a hand through his hair and tugs on a few strands. Tommy can tell he’s nervous. He can’t help thinking that Nikki deserves to be anxious about this. Tommy’s been on the worst emotional rollercoaster of his life for the past week, and he was just acting like it didn’t happen.

“I, uh,” Nikki struggles for words. He’s never been good at admitting he made a mistake, or making apologies, for that matter. “I miss you?”

Tommy glares at him and crosses his arms. “You _miss_ me? Last I checked, Nikki, you broke up with me. I don’t think you have a lot of room to miss me. If you’re just gonna beg me to like, get back together, then-”

“I made a mistake, okay? Can you just let me explain?” he interjects, standing up to meet Tommy’s gaze. He feels desperate. If he doesn’t tell Tommy now, he may never get to.

The air is heavy and silent between them. He and Tommy are staring at each other intensely, and he takes the other boy’s silence as an opportunity to begin speaking.

“Tommy, I’m sorry. I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have broken up with you. Things ended up moving really fast between us, like, way faster than I expected, and the truth is, I- I was scared,” he stammers his way through the last sentence, terrified of what Tommy might say. What if he doesn’t believe him? What if he gets in his car and drives away, and Nikki’s just ruined his only chance at getting Tommy back?

Tommy feels the sudden shift from anger to sadness, and he feels like maybe he shouldn’t have been so harsh to Nikki. Well, actually, he’s still a little mad. He’s protecting his heart, just like Nikki did.

“I was scared that you were gonna realize I wasn’t good enough for you. Like, I dunno, Tommy, I don’t know how to put it into words.” He looks up at Tommy, eyes pleading for him to understand what he’s trying to say.

“You were scared I was gonna leave you. Just like your dad did,” Tommy says matter-of-factly, his face still a blank mask. “You were afraid of me ditching you, so you started thinking that I didn’t want you, right?” Nikki’s a little shocked as Tommy speaks, but it really shouldn't be a surprise. Tommy’s always been good at reading him, no matter how many walls he put up.

“The thing is, Nik, I picked up on what you were doing, in all of my crying and sobbing and wondering where I went wrong. The breakup? You wanted it to seem like it was my idea, right? You thought that I, Tommy Lee, who lives in a house with a white picket fence and a four person family didn’t want a boyfriend with a ton of emotional baggage. But here’s the thing, Sixx. I want you,” he pauses to take a breath. “I want all of you. All the good parts, and all the parts you think are bad, but actually aren’t. I want you on your good days, and I want you on the days where you feel like you would be better off dead. I want you on days when you just had a huge fight with your mom and I want you when you’re having the best day ever. You mean so much to me, Nikki. And listen, I know we only dated for like, a month, but you are so special to me. You drive me crazy, you’re all I think about!” he exclaims, having to catch his breath.

“Is that true?” Nikki asks softly. He wants so desperately to believe Tommy, but his mother’s words are still flying around in his brain like an ever present kettle of vultures.

Tommy sighs and scrubs his hands down the side of his face in exasperation. “Nikki, I don’t know who put it in your head that I was gonna leave you, because that couldn’t be further from the truth. Jesus, Nikki, I love you!”

Oops. Tommy didn’t expect that to slip out, but it did. And now it’s out there, just like that. Nikki is silent, staring at him with wide eyes.

He tries to cover it up by rambling. “You don’t have to say it back, I don’t, I didn’t mean to-”

Before he can continue, Nikki’s wrapping him in a tight hug, and his lips are on Tommy’s. Tommy’s quick to kiss him back, yearning for Nikki’s touch. Nikki’s lips are soft, and he finds himself wanting more. He licks Nikki’s bottom lip eagerly. Nikki opens his mouth, letting Tommy in.

They part a few moments later, panting slightly. “Fuck,” Tommy whispers. “I miss you. I know I was a dickhead before, and this is probably a really rushed decision, but like, do you actually wanna get back together?”

“Uh, fucking, duh,” Nikki says, and he can’t help rolling his eyes. “It’s been a week and I miss you so fucking much,” he adds. Tommy doesn’t even bother to try and hide his smile as he kisses Nikki again.

“More seriously, though,” he says, stepping out of the hug. “If we do get back together, it really does have to be because you want it, too. And you can’t break up with me every time you start to feel insecure.” It’s quiet for a moment before he adds, “My heart can’t take that.”

“I know,” Nikki says softly. “I know, and I’m sorry. You deserve better than that.”

Tommy nods, agreeing. “It’s alright. I just need you to know that if you ever feel like I’m gonna leave you, you’re wrong. And I need you to communicate with me, even if it’s stuff you think might be too heavy for me. Because I’m here for you, Nikki. I care about you.”

And wow, Nikki wasn’t expecting the sudden tears in his eyes, but here they are. He brushes them away quickly, hoping Tommy didn’t notice. But of course, they’re about two feet away from each other, so Tommy definitely noticed.

“Aww, I made you cry,” he teases.

Nikki pushes his shoulder playfully. “You wish.”

Tommy pulls him into another hug, holding him tightly. “Call me dramatic, but I really fucking missed you, Moon Boy,” he murmurs. Nikki smiles and leans into Tommy, enjoying the feeling.

“I missed you, too, Sunshine Boy.”

“So what now?” Tommy asks.

Nikki shrugs. “I dunno. What do you think?”

“I think we should go back to my place, and make the bed creak, if you know what I mean,” Tommy says and wiggles his eyebrows. Nikki’s mouth drops open and he pushes Tommy away, laughing.

“You’re disgusting, alright? An absolute perv,” he says. “You know we just got back together, right? Is that really how you wanna celebrate?” he asks, a little more serious this time.

Tommy nods solemnly, letting silence hang between them for a moment before he bursts out laughing. “Nah, I’m just fucking with you, man. I’m just fucking with you,” he chuckles, still laughing at Nikki’s expression. “Unless…” he trails off, looking suggestively at Nikki.

“God, shut up!” Nikki laughs, taking Tommy’s hands in his own. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“Yeah, uh huh. And you’re spending the night.” Tommy’s tugging Nikki towards his car, and Nikki stops in his tracks. He pulls his hand out of Tommy’s and stands there, looking at him with nervous eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“What about your parents?” he asks. “Don’t they know? They’re gonna hate me, after what I, well. You know. And do you even want me over?” He shifts his weight from foot to foot anxiously. Tommy’s told his parents, right?

Tommy shrugs nonchalantly. “I think they had a clue. I’ll just tell ‘em it was a fight. But only if they ask. Also, of course I want you to come over, dummy. I’ve missed you. I’m a forgive and forget kinda guy. Also, we’re just gonna hang out in my room, alright? I mean, unless you’re just dying to play Barbies with my sister.” He walks over to his van and opens the door, stepping inside and cranking the engine. He rolls down the window so they can finish their conversation.

“Isn’t she like, fifteen?” Nikki asks, pulling his own keys out of his pocket.

“I don’t know man, she just lives in the same house as me. Now c’mon, get in your car. I wanna go home!”

The drive is only four minutes, Nikki counted this time. Should he have been paying better attention to the road? Probably. But he’s always wondered just how close Tommy lives to the playground, and now he knows. It’s kind of weird how his most recent dramatic, life-changing moments have happened on an old playground.

They walk inside, and Tommy waves to his dad. Nikki looks away, feeling heat rise to his cheeks. Thankfully, his dad says nothing and they continue upstairs.

Once inside Tommy’s room, Nikki takes a look around. He didn’t realize how comforting Tommy’s room was until he wasn’t coming over every day after school. He also notices how messy it is, compared to when he was last over. He feels a pang of guilt, knowing that Tommy probably hasn’t been taking care of himself.

“You alright?” Tommy asks, kicking a stray shirt out of the way. He tosses his shoes into the closet haphazardly and pads over to his bed, flopping down.

“Yeah. I just feel bad, that’s all.”

Tommy sits back up. “Why? C’mere. I wanna hold you.”

“Because I feel bad, duh,” he says softly. He’s standing in front of Tommy now, and Tommy wraps his arms around his hips, pulling him in for an awkward, halfway hug.

“You know you just repeated yourself, right? Instead of telling me what’s wrong?” Tommy mumbles against Nikki’s hip. He looks up at him. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me because like, I know. But I’m serious. I’ve already forgiven you.”

Nikki looks down at him like he doesn’t believe him.

“Stop looking at me like that. You probably don’t believe me because like, I was really mad and then all of a sudden I wasn’t. Which, yeah, I guess it makes sense that you would be confused by me forgiving you so fast? But like, I have you back now, and we both know I’m a big dumb idiot who falls in love fast.” Tommy shrugs his shoulders like it’s no big deal as he explains himself, and Nikki feels a little better.

Nikki wiggles out of Tommy’s grasp and sits himself down on the bed, shoulder to shoulder with Tommy. They sit in silence for a moment, just looking at each other.

“You’re not an idiot,” Nikki blurts out. Tommy looks at him quizzically, and he can tell the gears are turning. They’re slow, but they’re turning.

“Oh!” Tommy finally says and lets out a small chuckle. “Ha, yeah. What I said literally ten seconds ago. I mean I kind of am an idiot, you know. The other day I put my pants on backwards, and-”

Nikki’s kissing him then, and Tommy’s quick to kiss him back. He thinks that they cut each other off with kisses a lot, but it doesn’t really matter.

This kiss is like none they’ve ever had. It’s feverish, desperate, needy. Tommy’s hands are quick to find themselves under Nikki’s shirt. Nikki’s got one hand fisted in Tommy’s hair, the other one cupping his jaw. He licks into Tommy’s mouth and a chill runs down his spine when Tommy moans.

“Wait, wait,” Nikki says breathily, breaking off the kiss. Tommy immediately moves to kissing his jaw and down his neck, still eager. “Tommy.”

“What?” he whines, not wanting to slow down.

“Wait, look at me.” He waits for Tommy to pull back and meet his gaze before continuing. “Were you serious, earlier?” he asks, cupping Tommy’s face gently.

Tommy leans forward and kisses Nikki quickly. “About what?” he asks, not breaking eye contact as he pulls back.

“When you said you wanted to ‘make the bread creak’?” He uses air quotations, chuckling inwardly at Tommy’s crassness. “Like, were you serious?”

Tommy thinks about it for a moment, and then nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I was. At first it was kind of a joke, but like, now you’re kissin’ me and if I’m being real honest I’m kinda hard, so…” he trails off, giving Nikki a dorky smile. “But like, we obviously don’t have to. If you don’t wanna do it that’s fine.”

“No, no. I do want to. I really want to,” Nikki says. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about this exact moment before. Well, not necessarily this _exact_ moment, but this is close enough. Tommy smiles opposite him, leaning back in for another passion fueled kiss.

“You’re so fuckin’ hot,” Tommy mumbles out as best he can, given his current situation. Nikki hums in response, cracking an eye open to make sure the door is locked. He sees that it is, and closes his eyes again when he feels Tommy’s fingers ghost over his jeans.

Any coherent thoughts he’s had stop there, and all he can think about is Tommy, Tommy, _Tommy_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and then they FUCKED because that's what horny teenagers DO
> 
> ok also: I have an idea for my next fic but it's going to take a hot minute because I can't figure out how I want to start it so uh,, rest in peace :)


	21. Every Part of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha WHOOPS almost forgot to update !! :)

Nikki wakes up to the sun in his eyes. He squints and buries his head into Tommy’s chest, wishing he was still asleep.

“Nik?” Tommy’s voice is raspy as he wakes up. Nikki decides right then and there that he loves Tommy’s morning voice, and he wants to hear it every day. “You awake?”

Nikki nods, although it’s more of a head wiggle. “Yeah, ‘m awake,” he says quietly, his own voice rough.

He can hear Tommy’s heartbeat, the rhythm comforting. He slides his hand across Tommy’s bare chest before eventually sliding down and settling on his bony hip. He vaguely remembers calling Tommy a skeleton last night, and then getting hit with a pillow.

Tommy’s hand has found its way to Nikki’s head, gently stroking his hair. “Your hair is really soft,” he says. “Smells good, too. But you already knew that.”

“Is that what you like about me? My hair?” Nikki asks, looking up at Tommy. Tommy smiles at him, his freckles reflecting in the sunlight.

“Yeah. That’s it. Just your hair, nothing else,” he teases, his smile more of a playful grin now.

Nikki raises an eyebrow, a smirk on his face. “Is that so? Because you seemed _pretty_ happy with all of me last night.”

Tommy’s face flushes bright red, and he gently tugs on Nikki’s hair in retaliation. “Shut up. You know I love every part of you.”

“I know you do,” he murmurs softly, his hand moving back up to trace random shapes on Tommy’s chest. The silence between them is comfortable, both boys lost in their own thoughts.

Tommy thinks about how hopelessly in love he is. Fuck, Nikki might even be the one. You know, The One, as in the person you get married to? He knows that they broke up and got back together in the span of a week, but what can he say? He’s a hopeless romantic - always has been. It’s something he’s constantly reminded of, whether by himself or the people around him. Maybe he’s romanticizing what he and Nikki have, but he has this gut feeling that he isn't. Nikki is different. Special.

He finds Nikki’s hand resting on his hip, and takes it into his own. It’s a little awkward, his wrist can’t stay like that forever, but he’s got this need to touch Nikki. Feel him, hold and protect him like he’s something precious that could break any second.

He tightens his grip ever so slightly, and Nikki looks up at him again. “You alright?” he asks, pulling Tommy out of his thoughts. “Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” he says. “And if you _must_ know, I’m thinking about how wonderful you are. How handsome you are, how perfect you are, how smart and creative and amazing you are. Need I continue?”

Nikki’s blushes, a grin spreading on his face. “You’re too much,” he says.

Tommy smiles back at him, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Maybe you shouldn’t be so fucking great, then,” he teases, kissing Nikki’s forehead when he’s finished.

“I’ll bite you,” Nikki says, pulling his hand out of Tommy’s own to flip him off.

“Pfft, I hope you do,” he brushes the threat off, thinking that Nikki wouldn’t actually do that. In return for that, Nikki actually does bite him. On the shoulder. Tommy makes a noise of surprise, jerking away from Nikki as best he can. “Asshole!” he exclaims, a wild smile on his face.

“I told you,” he says it like biting Tommy was the obvious outcome. “Shoulda believed me, T-Bone. Maybe then I wouldn’t have bitten you. Besides, you aren’t even bleeding.”

“Eat my ass,” he retorts, wiggling out from under Nikki. “I hate to ruin this perfect moment, but I gotta take a leak.” He stumbles out of bed, with just his underwear on.

Nikki finds himself breathing a sigh of relief, although he’s not sure why. Maybe he just wasn’t prepared to be face to face with Tommy’s ass. Or would it be face to ass? Wait, no, that’s too much like the human centipede. He shakes his head, trying to think of literally anything but that.

“You good, Nik? You look spaced out, or something,” Tommy asks, pulling on a t-shirt.

“What? Oh, yeah. Just you know, thinkin’ about the human centipede.”

Tommy raises an eyebrow, both confused and amused. “What the fuck? Is that like, your secret fetish or something?” Nikki makes a noise of disgust and throws a pillow at him.

“Ew! Gross!” he yells. “Put some fucking clothes on, you degenerate.” Tommy laughs at him, throwing the pillow right back.

“What do you think I’m doing?” he asks. He heads back over to the bed and kisses Nikki one more time “for good luck” before leaving.

Nikki figures that he should get dressed, and makes his way over to Tommy’s closet. He pulls out the Hulkamania shirt and pulls it on. Is it weird to wear your boyfriend’s clothes? Maybe, but he doesn’t have an overnight bag, and he’s not about to wear dirty clothes, so. Well actually, now that he thinks about it, it isn’t like he’s wearing Tommy’s underwear. So, no. It isn’t weird.

“Hey hey, good lookin’,” Tommy greets him as he re-enters the room, closing the door behind him. “Is that my shirt?”

Nikki holds the shirt out by the hem and looks down at it, and then back up to Tommy. “Uh, yeah. What about it?”

“I mean, it’s the one that you hate. Or at least I thought you hated it.”

“Ugh, shut up. I changed my mind,” Nikki says, rubbing the fabric of the t-shirt between his fingers.

Tommy pulls him into a hug, holding him close. “You’re so cute,” he says and kisses the top of Nikki’s head. He’s swaying them back and forth ever so slightly, and Nikki closes his eyes as he buries his face into the crook of Tommy’s neck.

Tommy smells good. Like his deodorant, and a little bit like sex. And bubblegum, somehow? Not that Nikki’s complaining, of course. He opens his eyes, only to be met with a purple-ish spot on Tommy’s neck. Upon further inspection, he remembers what it is and lifts his head to lock eyes with Tommy, a sly smile on his face.

“What?” Tommy asks.

“You have a hickey.”

Tommy snorts. “Uh, two actually. I was looking at ‘em a couple minutes ago. It looks like I was attacked by a leech, or something.”

“How big do you think leeches are?” Nikki asks, wondering if Tommy’s ever seen a leech.

“Well, they can actually get pretty big. Like, eighteen inches,” he starts. “And there’s a bunch of different kinds, so you have to specify which-”

Nikki kisses him to get him to stop. “Stop it. Forever, stop talking about that,” he says once they part.

“I thought talking about leeches got you hot, babe? Oh wait, it’s the human centipede - how could I forget?”

Nikki makes a retching noise and pushes himself out of Tommy’s arms. “You are _vile_!” He’s smiling though, no malice behind his words.

“Aww,” Tommy pouts, reaching out for Nikki. “But I wanna talk about blood sucking worms,” he whines. Nikki chuckles, pulling them into another embrace. “Hey, can I be for real, though? Like, just for a second,” he asks, sounding a tad nervous.

Nikki nods, wondering why Tommy is even asking. He figures they’re past the point of asking if they can be serious, but who knows.

“Okay, well basically I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I guess that’s it. Yeah. I love you.”

That’s it? Odd, Nikki thought there was going to be more. Tommy frowns at Nikki’s silence, his arms loosening. He realizes Tommy might think he doesn’t return the feeling, so he places a chaste kiss on his lips.

“Sorry, this is kinda hard for me. I haven’t really told anyone I loved them before, and like, meant it.”

Tommy looks away, dejected. “It’s alright, you don’t have to-”

“But now’s as good a time as ever. So look at me Tommy, and hear what I’m about to say, because I mean every word,” Nikki cuts him off, demanding Tommy’s full attention.

“I think that when I broke up with you, I wasn’t just scared that you were gonna leave me. I think I was scared of love, too. Loving, and being loved. And so I pushed you away. But then I wanted to talk, and you delivered that whole speech about how you wanted me, how you wanted and how you loved all parts of me, good and bad. That speech, and everything you do for me, really showed me all at once just how much you care for me. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I love you, Tommy. I love you so fucking much.”

A few stray tears have made their way down Tommy’s cheeks, and he wipes them away. He takes a breath before speaking. “That was beautiful, Nikki. You should write speeches, or something.”

Nikki chuckles, his heart swelling with love and adoration for the boy in front of him. “Thanks,” he mumbles. He places a kiss on Tommy’s cheek before resting his head on his shoulder.

He’s feeling a lot of emotions right now, love most strongly. Yeah, he’s a little scared of what the future holds for them, but he also knows that they’re just teenagers. Like, Tommy still has a whole year of high school left. He knows they’ve got their whole lives ahead of them, and a lot can happen between now and then. He hopes that Tommy’s in it for the long run. He sure is.

But he knows he needs to focus on the now, on this moment. He could live in this moment forever, him in Tommy’s arms, the two of them swaying to the sound of their breathing. Just him and Tommy, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow and just like that,, it's over
> 
> the end
> 
> (or is it)


	22. Epilogue: Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll have you all know that a) almost forgot to upload again so sorry for that
> 
> and b) this is Officially: the last chapter but it's ok because i have more to say at the end

_5 years later, Tommy and Nikki’s apartment._

Nikki wakes up alone. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and sits up, the sheets pooling around his waist. He sees that it’s still dark outside, the sun barely peeking over the horizon. Furrowing his brow, he sighs and contemplates going back to sleep. Before he can even make a choice, Tommy is busting through their bedroom door with a mug in each hand.

“Good morning Nikki! It’s Christmas! Sorry I left you alone, I just woke up like, two hours ago and I was really excited but I didn’t wanna wake you up, ‘cause I know you hate waking up early and-”

“Tommy.”

“And anyway, I already showered and made myself breakfast, but I dunno if three cookies and a shot counts as breakfast. Does it? Probably not, but I’m a goddamn adult and I can make bad decisions if I want. I guess if I keep eating like that I’m gonna gain fifty pounds by the end of next year.”

“Tom.”

“Either way, you should get up and make us real food ‘cause I’m a shit cook. I’ll go downstairs and find one of those Christmas records from the back room and then we can sit on the couch all day and watch cheesy movies and kiss each other until we can’t feel our lips.”

“Babe,” Nikki interjects again, finally getting Tommy to stop. Tommy blushes when he realizes just how long he’d been talking, and hands Nikki his mug. He mutters out a soft “sorry.” Nikki smiles up at him and tells him that it’s okay.

“That really got away from me, huh? Anyway, come to the living room. I have a gift for you before we go on your secret plans,” Tommy says, practically vibrating with energy.

Oh, that’s right. His secret plans. The plans he hasn’t told anyone about, because they’re _that_ secret. He smiles to himself and takes another sip of his coffee, looking forward to the rest of the day.

“You know, your plan isn’t half bad,” Nikki says as he sits down on the couch. Tommy looks at him questioningly, an eyebrow quirked. “Your plans of listening to Christmas music and watching shitty movies and kissing each other,” he clarifies, wiggling his eyebrows playfully. Tommy smiles at him and crouches down, searching for his gift under the tree.

“Got it!” he exclaims, pulling a large box out from the back. Well, it isn’t large like a kid’s toy large. But it’s large if you’re a man in his mid-twenties who’s used to small, thoughtful gifts from your boyfriend. Either way, he has no clue what’s inside.

“Also,” Tommy says, sitting down on the couch next to Nikki, “if you want, I’ll run down to the shop and grab a few records to put on. ‘S not like we’re gonna sell ‘em anyway, cause they get played in the store.” Nikki nods in agreement.

“Alright, gimme. I’m gonna open this as slowly as possible,” he says, holding out his hands impatiently. Tommy laughs at him and hands it over.

Nikki takes his time unwrapping the gift, admiring the handiwork. Tommy’s gotten better at wrapping presents over the years, and Nikki is impressed. He takes his time partially to make Tommy wait, and partially because he doesn’t want to make too big of a mess. He knows that Tommy has making a mess covered. By the time they’re done, there will be wrapping paper everywhere.

“Open it faster!” Tommy groans as Nikki pulls up a piece of wrapping paper slowly. “Oh my god. You’re gonna drive me crazy, Nik. Nikki, _please_ , I’m begging you!”

He finally rips the remaining paper off, only to be met with an oddly shaped box. It’s like a little house, with a hole cut out in the middle like a window. Only, the window is covered with more wrapping paper and a note in Tommy's messy writing that reads _“no peeking!!!”_

“What is it?” he asks, looking over at Tommy. Tommy’s smile falls into a deadpan expression.

“What do you think it is?”

“A basketball.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Tommy says, his smile back just as quickly as it had gone. “Open your fucking present before I do.”

“Alright, alright. Gimme a goddamn minute.”

Tommy looks at him, incredulous. “It took you five minutes to open the paper! Are you kidding me? Nikki I’m going to die on this fucking couch. Cause of death? My boyfriend took too long to open the present that, by the way, I am very much excited about giving him,” he says dramatically, flopping back onto the arm of the couch.

Nikki smirks, undoing the flap on the box. Inside is a teddy bear. He pulls it out and sees that it’s wearing a black shirt with a little bear skull on it, as well as little red plaid pants.

“It’s you!” Tommy says excitedly. “Well, I tried to dress him like you, but they didn’t have black jeans so I went with the next best thing. Which is weird, like, you’re gonna have _those_ pants but not regular black ones? Anyway, I think I did alright, what about - wait, press his paw. Press his paw!”

Nikki smiles and presses the left paw.

_“Hi Nikki! It’s Tommy. I just wanted to tell you that you’re the handsomest man on the planet. You’re so sweet and wonderful and creative and kind, and you mean the absolute world to me. I love you so, so, so much!”_

He presses it again, the message repeating itself.

“Do you like it?” Tommy asks, looking nervous.

“Tommy,” Nikki whispers, setting the bear down and cupping Tommy’s face. “I love it.” He kisses Tommy, and he feels Tommy smile against his lips.

“That’s good to hear. See, I still have your bear from ages ago, and I was sad because you technically didn’t have a bear anymore. You know, ‘cause I stole yours? So, I made you one! Well, I didn’t make it, but you get it. I also put the message in there because you deserve to hear that you’re loved, and it was tacky and cute. Plus you can hear me say it as many times as you want. Cool, right? Also, can you believe they want like, five dollars for one of those little scent things? Anyway, smell his belly.”

Nikki smiles as Tommy rambles, letting him talk and talk and talk. He lifts the bear to his nose and inhales, noticing it smells like bubblegum. He smiles as he smells the bear, reminded of how Tommy always seems to have the lingering scent of bubblegum.

“I guess I have to give you your present now, huh?” Nikki asks, getting up and walking to their tree. He pulls out a bag with an ice skating reindeer on it and hands it to Tommy.

“Aww,” Tommy coos, “Remember when I saw this in Target and I wanted to buy all of them?”

“I do remember,” Nikki chuckles, sitting back down and pressing a kiss to Tommy’s cheek. “That’s why I got two of them.”

Tommy smiles at him, and then he’s tearing the present open like he’s five years old, completely destroying the bag and tissue paper. Nikki shakes his head, but there’s still a smile on his face. It’s hard to be upset over a bag when your boyfriend looks so cute destroying it.

“Oh my god,” Tommy says softly, face in a state of shock. “Oh my _god_.”

“What is it?” Nikki asks, even though he knows full well what it is.

“It’s the _painting_. From high school! Nikki, oh my god! I can’t believe you kept this!” Tommy’s eyes are starting to well up with happy tears, overwhelmed with his gift.

Nikki’s calm on the outside, but on the inside? He’s jumping around and pumping his fist, knowing he knocked it out of the park. He knows that Tommy appreciates the small things, he prefers gifts with actual love and thought put into them.

“I'm glad you like it. But, there’s uh, there’s a little more,” Nikki says, pointing to the remnants of the bag. Tommy looks confused, but picks it up anyway, this time sorting more carefully through the paper.

Inside, there’s a small cardboard box with the flaps taped shut. He reaches for the scissors on the table, slicing the tape gently. When he opens it, he’s confused. It’s empty. He looks more closely, only to see a small note in Nikki’s handwriting.

It’s an address.

Huh?

“What’s this?” he asks, unsure of what it means. Nikki smiles at him and stands up, holding out his hand.

“It means, get dressed. We’re going somewhere.”

\----

Once inside the car, Tommy’s shivering while waiting for it to warm up.

“Are you gonna tell me where exactly this place is?” he asks as Nikki pulls out onto the street. Nikki shakes his head no and smiles.

“You know exactly where it is, dummy. You have the address right there.”

Tommy groans and throws his head back against the headrest. “But I wanna know now!” he whines. Nikki just chuckles and keeps driving, Christmas music playing softly in the background.

They’ve been driving for about twenty minutes before they’re on a street Tommy seems to recognize. He perks up and points out the windshield.

“Wait,” he says. “Are we going to my parent’s house? Nik, baby, I thought we were going tomorrow? I’m not dressed for dinner! And it’s like, nine in the morning.”

“Well, we aren’t going to your parent’s house, so you don’t have to worry about that.” Tommy settles back down into his seat and pouts out the window. Nikki can’t help but to keep sneaking glances over at him, smiling to himself every time he sees Tommy. Goddamn, he’s cute, even when he’s pouting.

“We’re here,” Nikki murmurs, pulling into a small parking lot. Tommy raises an eyebrow.

“The playground?” he asks quietly, looking over at Nikki and back to the playground. There’s a small group of people there, along with what looks like a bunch of flowers.

Nikki doesn’t answer and instead gets out, waiting for Tommy to do the same. “What’s going on? I think we’re interrupting something,” Tommy says, pointing to the group of people.

“Uh, no. They’re supposed to be here,” Nikki says, placing his hand on the small of Tommy’s back and urging him to walk forward. Tommy looks at him. He’s a little confused, but he ultimately trusts Nikki, so he walks. As they get closer, he starts to recognize the people. He also see the flowers on the ground in the shape of a heart, but he’s quickly distracted by someone calling his name.

“Tommy!” He turns around, and he immediately recognizes the girl calling him as Heather.

“Heather!’ he calls back, just as excited. He runs to her and wraps her in a tight hug.

“How are you?” she asks, beaming up at him.

“Oh my god, so good. You know the build a bear I made for Nikki? Well, he loved it! It’s so cute, Heather. It’s like a mini-him!” he chatters. As he talks, Vince comes up and claps him on the shoulder.

“Hey, man!” he greets Vince and hugs him, always excited to see his best friends. Mick comes over to join the group shortly after, and they talk amongst themselves quietly. They talk about their lives, about Heather’s new dog and Vince’s new girlfriend, about anything and everything. Tommy feels at peace, although he’s still a little confused as to why they’re all here.

Why did Nikki drag him out here?

Wait, where is Nikki? He looks down and notices that he’s the only one standing in the flower heart now. Somehow, the group has shifted so that he’s standing right in the center of it.

He looks back up and turns around to look for Nikki, only to see him standing behind him with a shy smile on his face. He pulls a small black box out of his jacket pocket and gets down on one knee. Tommy gasps, and thinks briefly that this is probably the only time in his life that he’s truly been rendered speechless.

“Hey,” Nikki says casually, looking up at Tommy.

“Hey,” Tommy repeats, hand still over his mouth.

“Look, I know this is cheesy. It’s basically something straight out of a Hallmark movie, but like, I figured now was as good a time as any. And listen, I know you’re gonna try and interrupt, and if you do I _will_ fistfight you in the street,” Nikki starts. Tommy laughs and zips his lips, promising to be quiet.

“Tommy. You’re the love of my life. And to be honest, I wasn’t expecting that. When you walked into art class the first time I thought, _Oh great, some fuckhead that’s gonna irritate me all semester._ You kept talking to me, insisting that I be your friend. And I mean, you know the story, I don’t need to retell it,” he pauses to take a breath.

“Everything important in the beginning of our relationship happened here, at the playground. We first hung out here as friends, and then it felt like we were here all the time, like when I just needed to be away from everyone but you, or when you woke up in the middle of the night once and we snuck out of your house to come swing. I mean, you and I got back together here after I broke your heart. The point is, I can’t imagine my life without you. You’ve been a part of my life, a part of _me_ for the last six years, and I want you around for however many years I have left. So, Tommy Lee, will you marry me?”

“Nikki, oh my god, yes.” he says quietly, eyes welled up with happy tears. Nikki barely has time to stand back up before Tommy is tackling him in a hug, exclaiming, “Yes! Yes, yes, _yes_!”

Nikki is hugging him back just as tightly, so relieved Tommy said yes. Well, he knew Tommy was going to say yes, but there was always just a little bit of worry there. He can hear their friends celebrating behind him, but he’s focused on Tommy right now.

They finally separate, staring into each other’s eyes.

“You’re so fucking pretty,” Nikki murmurs. Tommy laughs and blushes, looking away.

“Hey,” Nikki says, getting Tommy to look at him again. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to say that,” he says, thinking back to when they watched the sunrise on the hood of his car. Yeah, he’s said it before, but this time is different.

Tommy smiles down at him and kisses him, feeling Nikki’s chapped lips against his own.

“I love you, Nikki. I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too, Tommy,” Nikki murmurs back softly, cherishing this moment between them. They join their friends soon after, Tommy showing off his ring proudly.

\----

It’s a couple hours later and they’re back at home. They’re back in pajamas (at Tommy’s insistence) and on the couch, cuddling and watching movies. Right now, they’re watching Die Hard. Well, they’re not really watching it. Tommy is sitting sideways in Nikki’s lap, too busy pressing kisses to his neck and jaw to pay attention.

Neither one of them are able to look away from the other for very long before they’re coming right back for a kiss or hug or just to look at and admire each other. Tommy sighs softly, a smile on his face.

“What’s up, baby?” Nikki asks around a mouthful of cookie. Even though Nikki does most of the cooking, it turns out that Tommy can make a pretty damn good cookie.

Tommy just shrugs. He looks down at his ring, admiring it. It’s a small silver band, with one large diamond in the middle. It has three diamonds on either side of the main one, each a smaller size than the last.

“My ring is so pretty, Nikki. You did such a great job,” he praises, unable to take his eyes off of it. “We get to plan a wedding now!” he says. He looks up at Nikki, an excited grin on his face. It’s positively infectious because Nikki feels himself smiling in return.

“Yeah, we do, babe,” he pulls Tommy tighter to his chest, kissing the top of his head. “We sure do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok fun fact i might've teared up writing this bc i am definitely kind of attached to this story now and to them and it's kind of weird to like,, see them go? of course they're not really gone because...
> 
> surprise! I'm writing a follow up fic to this and it's them planning their wedding!! ofc i'm still in the brainstorming stage with it, but i do have a couple oneshots in the works that'll come out every so often
> 
> anyway, if you made it this far uhh thank you ?? you guys are so sweet?? reading your comments and seeing you guys leave kudos has been really nice and you guys always have something nice to say about my writing and anyway you're all very sweet and wonderful thank you for reading this


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